To think it is neglectful to let your child get overweight

[jackson14478]

If you cannot provide your child with basic nutrition, a balanced diet and enough exercise, would you say it's child neglect?

I know for a fact that low income/benefits families can feed their children a healthy diet at a similar cost to an unhealthy one. I've done it and so have friends.

Letting your child become grossly overweight through no fault of their own is not responding to their basic needs

@Northernsoulgirl45

Yeah if you can't access a big supermarket apples can easily cost over 2 quid.

Buy some fruit or veg what you can access cheap then.

Nite that these deserts are much less common than people on MN seem to think. About 2% of people appear to live there.

Plenty of us do it on a tight budget and next to no time. Its possible. You're just not doing it right

Oh I’m fine, my family has a perfectly good diet - we aren’t strapped for cash. But I’m saying I don’t find it difficult to imagine why it’s hard for others.

My middle child is overweight but my eldest isn't. I know exactly why my middle child is overweight, it's comfort eating from years of bullying because of her autism.
She's 12 so often buys food with her own money as we do cook healthy and only have treats once a week.
I'm not too worried as she is active but there's only so much I can do to regulate her eating.
Cheers for making me feel like a shit parent though.

Sorry FunDragon I wasn't aiming my post at you !

I know exactly why my middle child is overweight, it's comfort eating from years of bullying because of her autism
She's 12 so often buys food with her own money as we do cook healthy and only have treats once a week
I'm not too worried as she is active but there's only so much I can do to regulate her eating

You can do everything to regulate it.

You know the problem. So you know the solution. She cant have money out by herself if it's to buy unhealthy food.
There are ways to stop it and if that doesn't work you try something else.

You are setting her up for an unhealthy adult life with food. You are aware she eats for comfort and you not trying to help her emotionally. You are allowing an unhealthy relationship with food. And allowing her to be comforted by it.

That's not a privilege. It's a parents job . Their main job to keep a child healthy and teach them how to remain healthy as adults.

Yes, but having parents who

are themselves able to meet your needs is privilege over others who didn’t.

Part of empathy is recognising the privileges you’ve had. Not patting yourself on the back for how great you are and pointing a judgmental finger of blame at the people who didn’t have the advantages you did.

Look, you seem intent on blaming overweight people for being overweight and I don’t understand why. But it makes you feel good - then ok. You’re right. You’re so much BETTER than they are. So much CLEVERER. So much HARDER WORKING and generally superior.

@Notimeforaname

For three months people were only allowed out for exercise once a day, don’t you remember? And lots of people had to work while looking after their children Yes and its very easy to find a few minutes a few times per day to jump up and down..dance to music,hop and skip and all sorts of things you can do in a tiny space with children. Its really not that difficult to fit in 30 extra minutes to encourage a child to jump around. Also many have active video games to help entertain and get them going. P.E classes on YouTube etc.

Its really not that difficult.

The child in question was also shielding so not supposed to leave the house for a daily walk. I think it's pretty hard for a child to get enough exercise solely inside.

She buys food after school or should I just refuse her any money. Yes I have tried to stop her. I'm guessing you don't autistic children and will never understand how difficult it is as you can't reason with them.
Don't know why I'm even bothering to explain. In your perfect world everything is black and white.

That's not a privilege. It's a parents job . Their main job to keep a child healthy and teach them how to remain healthy as adults

Yes, but having parents who
are themselves able to meet your needs is privilege over others who didn’t

Part of empathy is recognising the privileges you’ve had. Not patting yourself on the back for how great you are and pointing a judgmental finger of blame at the people who didn’t have the advantages you did

Look, you seem intent on blaming overweight people for being overweight and I don’t understand why. But it makes you feel good - then ok. You’re right. You’re so much BETTER than they are. So much CLEVERER. So much HARDER WORKING and generally superior

No it's not a privilege. It's a right.
I never once said I was cleverer,superior or more hard working. I'm struggling to see how you picked that up.

If you go back and read properly you will see I expressed sadness and concern,empathy and understanding several times.

I said I understand many fall into this way of living through no fault of their own and it's a horror that there is not more support or education.

Having parents who meet your basic needs should be called and considered a standard.
Having parents who can meet more than basic needs may be a privilege.

Rosebel No perfect world here.
I think what got to me was when you said "I'm not too worried" I think it is a cause for concern that she eats for comfort and you say it cant be stopped. Perhaps that is true and it can never ever be stopped. But I still find it worrying and sad that you are not too worried.

The trouble with threads like this is it atractspeople With eating disorders ie orthorexia or people who read a scaremongering book on sugar based on misinterpreted research and think they are an expert on nutrition , You will never get on proper conversation about food on MN as too many posters vilify foods and food groups which is really unhealthy.

@FunDragon

You've hit the nail on the head.

If you get home at six with two hungry kids but can throw on a bag of wholemeal pasta, cook some pre-made 100% beef meatballs, add in a bag of precut veg and stir in a no added sugar sauce then you've got a healthy meal in ten minutes.

When you get home at six with two hungry kids, you realise there's not enough money on the meter to turn on the oven and the heating then it's a completely different ball game.

Exactly! That’s why all these boring predictable comments like ‘excuses, you can get a bag of frozen spinach in Aldi for 70p’ are so obtuse and lacking any insight. Yes, cooking on a budget is easy - but you need the time to plan, shop and cook. And conversely cooking quickly healthy meals is easy - if you have the necessary money, skills and knowledge.

Speaking personally I’ve been slim my whole life. I’ve never had money AND time, but I’ve always been lucky enough to have money OR time. And I am healthy and had parents who taught me how to cook and eat healthily. That’s called privilege. So I’m not going to pat myself smugly on the back and judge all the lazy fatties. Other people can crack on if it makes them feel good.

It's not smug to realise that many many people in this country have a weight problem. My dh being one of them. He was over fed as a baby and was obese by age 3. He was obese throughout his entire childhood. Obese throughout his teens, and twenties, interspersed with extreme dieting that has resulted in him losing a total of 30 stone in his 45 years, most of which goes back on again. His life is one long battle with food and it gets him so down. If only his parents hadn't plyed him with excessive food as a young child, or they had taken responsibility for getting him back to a normal weight when he first started looking over-weight then he may not have spent his entire life suffering with morbid obesity. Burying our heads in the sand, telling people they're smug for saying that some people are fat, tiptoeing around the issue of weight, making excuses for why their otherwise healthy 4 year old is obese isn't going to make the situation go away. Parents of under 11s need to take personal responsibility if their child (with no health issues that cause weight gain) starts putting on huge amounts of weight. Why would you not? If you choose to ignore the fact your child is overweight then I'm sorry but you are a neglectful parent because you are choosing to compromise your child's health.

These DC are probably 1st generation of the fast food culture and we're the adults.
Many adults are far to heavy most were probably slim DC.
I'm not trying to be mean I've been really poor but if you can't afford to put on the oven you're in extreme poverty your DC wouldn't be fat.
The damage to growing bones will be irreversible on obese DC.

I'd bet 5 out of 10 teenagers are overweight judging by my nieces, her friends, my friends teens and from what I see at lunchtime from the local school.

Well I do hope that all the judgy pants on here are going to equally criticise parents of anorexic children? Because that also causes long term irreparable damage.

Or is that ok because it is a mental health issue?

Is it possible that overeating could also significantly be a mental health issue? I mean, nobody WANTS to be fat and judged by you all.

Why is it that one receives great sympathy whilst the other and greedy no good scum? On yes, it doesn't look pretty to you judge types.

There is a massive gap in the research in to the mental health reasons for being overweight. Because it is just easier to blame greedy fat scum.

I'm not concerned because her activity levels are high. She is probably actually fitter than some children who aren't overweight.
I'm just very sad as she lost a bit of weight in lockdown but the eating is her way of coping and better than the way she used to deal with her anger.

Well I do hope that all the judgy pants on here are going to equally criticise parents of anorexic children? Because that also causes long term irreparable damage.
I do judge my mother for that. She has her own issues and she passed them on. She then, after already having had one anorexic child, started on my DSis, commenting on her weight when she was a petite and healthy 9 year old child.

Is it possible that overeating could also significantly be a mental health issue? I mean, nobody WANTS to be fat and judged by you all

Absolutely. For many its definitely a psychological problem.
A previous poster said she knew her child was overweight because of bullying from being autistic and was emotionally eating for comfort. But the poster also said she wasn't too worried as her daughter exercised.

This is what made me sad. The children are not getting the help.

The help they need for the emotional/psychological problems.

Way more support needs to be made available to these families.

There is a massive gap in the research in to the mental health reasons for being overweight. Because it is just easier to blame greedy fat scum

There are massive gaps with everything tbh

Massive gaps with health care of our children and our mentally ill adults.

Massive gaps with our education

Massive gaps with regards to personal responsibility.

Massive gaps in what people can afford

Its very easy to call people bullies and judgemental etc but equally it seems to be taken as a given that any comments or suggestions whatsoever are personal attacks. Why are we taking them as such. Why are facts viewed as hostile and unkind. Facts aren't about feelings they are just what they are.

You can tell me a size 16 is perfectly healthy but is that as kind as you think? Really ? What help does that provide me? Wouldn't that mean I just felt going up one dress size wasn't that bad really and I'm just slightly over weight? Really at 5 ft 7 I should probably be a 12 so that would make me 3 dress sizes too big.

I dont think people should be humiliated and piled on no. But being soft and "kind" doesn't always do people any favours .

Although perhaps there is something to ve said for not saying anyone to someone unless you are gonna be there to support them through it.. dont start what you cant finish and all that...

Well I do hope that all the judgy pants on here are going to equally criticise parents of anorexic children? Because that also causes long term irreparable damage
You do not anorexia is caused by a MH issue, not because someone called them fat. If that was the case everyone would be anorexic.
Anorexia is a MH illness about control usual by sufferers who feel they've no control.