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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DM is an insufferable snob?

283 replies

WWYD2020 · 16/10/2020 14:30

Recent visit to DM and she comment on DCs off white vest UNDER sleepsuit.

Apparently people will think we are ‘poor, rough and like those pp (pupil premium or something) kids at school’. It’s not just her apparently she’s heard it many times from others too.

I’m raging, do people actually judge children based on their parents not separating whites when washing. Is that even a thing? I’ve never ever thought of it EVER.

OP posts:
TeaAndStrumpets · 16/10/2020 16:14

You can get reusable colour catchers too. They look like a thick flannel, and last for weeks. Beckmanns I think.

Porridgeoat · 16/10/2020 16:15

It’s the opposite way round. Those with less money tend to make a lot of effort to present well. Think name brands, pure whites, cash on show

TeaAndStrumpets · 16/10/2020 16:17

I really don't see the point of tumble drier sheets. I hate anything smelly so avoid fabric conditioner too.

diggadoo · 16/10/2020 16:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

Fink · 16/10/2020 16:18

No, they're not very environmentally friendly. That's why I stopped using them. I didn't know about the reusable ones.

TBH, I'm not entirely clear what tumble dryer sheets are for as I very rarely use the dryer. But I think they're something to do with preventing static electricity build up (not a problem with air drying), lint, softening the clothes ... ?

In both cases they're about 15cm square, very thin material.

Etinox · 16/10/2020 16:19

@MereDintofPandiculation

My mother was from a very poor family and keeping up standards was important to her. It's never worried me. I think it's easier to get what you want from officialdom if you seem to be well educated and comfortably-off. It's a lot easier to be relaxed about how you appear to others when you've never been on the wrong side of people's perceptions.
This 100% It’s a check your privilege situation @WWYD2020 Be proud that you don’t feel defined by what others think of your laundry skills. Wink
TeaAndStrumpets · 16/10/2020 16:20

@diggadoo

Ugh. I remember when my son dropped his lunchbox and it was soaked and muddy so I quickly transferred his lunch into a carrier bag. A couple of the mums mentioned that they hadn't had me down as an Asda shopper. With a shocked and semi disgusted tone of voice.
Bloody hell! Ridiculous.
copperoliver · 16/10/2020 16:21

Everyone should wash all whites, darks and brights separately.
I would throw something away if it got stuck in another wash and was off white.
I was in the park once and chatting to and older lady. I had two children with me she said only one is yours though.
I said yes. How did you know she said your clothes are white and so is your daughters the other little girls clothes are not white. X

TeaAndStrumpets · 16/10/2020 16:23

@Fink

No, they're not very environmentally friendly. That's why I stopped using them. I didn't know about the reusable ones.

TBH, I'm not entirely clear what tumble dryer sheets are for as I very rarely use the dryer. But I think they're something to do with preventing static electricity build up (not a problem with air drying), lint, softening the clothes ... ?

In both cases they're about 15cm square, very thin material.

I think they can clog up machines, too. The reusable ones last for ages. Oh I've never used a drier sheet. I try to only use my drier for towels, so I suppose no need.
nosswith · 16/10/2020 16:26

Whilst people judge on appearance and cleanliness, and things such as tidy hair, YANBU for being offended by the comment from your DM.

copperoliver · 16/10/2020 16:27

@WWYD2020

How does not separating whites = poor though?! Am I missing something.

I think because she's thinking they cannot afford to do separate washes and just fill up the washing machine with what washing they have. X

CountFosco · 16/10/2020 16:27

@Youandmeareluckytobeus

There are very few people who do not judge others for something. I have read on MN about people sending DC to school with stained clothes and I have to admit that I would judge someone for doing that. Kids have enough to cope with without giving other kids ammunition to bully them for.
Why would you not send them to school in stained clothes? They come home filthy and I'm not going to chuck out a good quality poloshirt or jumper just because there's a paint stain on it. Surely that's the point of school uniform, relatively cheap clothes to get grubby in.
minipie · 16/10/2020 16:30

I would throw something away if it got stuck in another wash and was off white.

Seriously? How wasteful.

Changechangychange · 16/10/2020 16:33

@sapnupuas

My mum said the teachers will think my son is "council estate" if I write his name in his labels instead of getting sew-in ones...
Oh wow, she’s got that the wrong way round! I’m a label-sewed-inner (I don’t do much in the way of traditional mothering, and it makes me feel like I am doing something caring. Also, easier to hand down/sell on clothes later).

Anyway, I get definite snotty looks from the upper middle class hippy mums in DS’s nursery, who think I am trying too hard.

Original poster
WWYD2020 · 16/10/2020 16:43

@BestOfABadLot hear hear

@Etinox how an earth is it my privilege to not have judged others based on the colour of their clothing before??!!

OP posts:
Franklyfrost · 16/10/2020 16:44

You can’t win. I think the super neat and tidy are pro-brexit and homophobic and generally intolerant. Which is super intolerant of me I know. But I’ll judge you if there are no weeds growing on your patio. Wink

Original poster
WWYD2020 · 16/10/2020 16:45

@copperoliver that doesn’t quite make sense though: if I put less clothing in I putrid detergent and the washing machine adjusts the length of cycle/water based on the reduced load. I literally save nothing by shoving it all in.

OP posts:
Original poster
WWYD2020 · 16/10/2020 16:45

I put in less*

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 16/10/2020 16:46

I'm sure some do.
But who cares?

lostPEkit · 16/10/2020 16:49

My mother is a massive snob and she always used to look down on people who clean a lot/ worry about things looking nice because she considered it to be a “working class” trait. So I’d say just live your life however suits you - whatever you do, there will always be someone who sneers, and it probably says more about them!

bathorshower · 16/10/2020 16:51

To those wondering why you wouldn't separate whites and darks, many of us have very few whites - DD had white vests when she was a baby, but even if all of them had been dirty at once, they wouldn't have made a full load (and she'd have been cold). I wasn't going to run a virtually empty machine (or give any more headspace to laundry than 'the basket's full, I need to run a load')

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/10/2020 16:52

A vest that was white and is now off white is not ruined.

Stop being so fucking wasteful.

EtonianMother · 16/10/2020 16:53

@sapnupuas

My mum said the teachers will think my son is "council estate" if I write his name in his labels instead of getting sew-in ones...
Tell her that I wrote in all my son's uniform with marker pen.
Itsatoughgig · 16/10/2020 16:54

@sapnupuas

My mum said the teachers will think my son is "council estate" if I write his name in his labels instead of getting sew-in ones...
We were told by the school to write the names on the clothes as they were less likely to be stolen as labels were cut off/removed
UpCloseAndPersonalWithGlenda · 16/10/2020 16:56

I had two children with me she said only one is yours though.
I said yes. How did you know she said your clothes are white and so is your daughters the other little girls clothes are not white

You seem to be assuming that this was a compliment, @copperoliver

X