To think DM is an insufferable snob?

[WWYD2020]

Recent visit to DM and she comment on DCs off white vest UNDER sleepsuit.

Apparently people will think we are ‘poor, rough and like those pp (pupil premium or something) kids at school’. It’s not just her apparently she’s heard it many times from others too.

I’m raging, do people actually judge children based on their parents not separating whites when washing. Is that even a thing? I’ve never ever thought of it EVER.

There is a school of thought that says the truly well off, upper or upper middle class don’t give a damn if they look a bit scruffy, as they aren’t worried about being judged.

It’s those in the lower middle, who are worried about being mistaken for those who are poorer, who care about these things.

Just saying...!

There are very few people who do not judge others for something. I have read on MN about people sending DC to school with stained clothes and I have to admit that I would judge someone for doing that. Kids have enough to cope with without giving other kids ammunition to bully them for.

My mother used to be like this, she still can be a bit, but hers came from fear I think, more than snobbishness.

She grew up in a working class family in a working class area. My grandfather was very much a socialist and "dont get above your station", to the point where he refused to allow her to go to grammar school despite her getting the third highes score in the area.

As her and my dad worked hard, they were able to buy their own house in a "naice" area. She was constantly in fear of being judged by neighbours/school parents etc. I think she has since realised that most of them (all being boomers) were in the same situation as her and had come from humble roots to suddenly find themselves middle class! So they all played the game, thereby making each other (and by extension themselves) feel like they had to work ever harder to fit in.

Thankfully I rejected this attitude as a teenager and didnt give a toss what anyone thought, a feeling I am happy to say I still have to this day. If you want to come and judge my skirting boards feel free, and I will hand you a duster while you are down there :o

It doesn't really matter at this age but when they go to school then they're likely to have white shirts or polo shirts at some point. It was only the very poorest, unkempt kids at school who had greying shirts. It's noticeable as a child, even if it's just an observation rather than thinking about it any more than that. I'm sure there were and are children from very poor families with sparkling white clothes but it was definitely a correlation at my school.

TeaAndStrumpets Do you know there is a new Victoria Wood biography just out? The copy I ordered came today!

If anyone on Mumsnet would like to come and inspect my skirting boards they are most welcome. I can provide them with white cotton gloves for the inspection, as many pairs as needed. (ie lots) Once they recover, the gloves will be boiled (quite separately of course).

I could offer them a nice cup of leaf tea in a china cup for their trouble, too, and ask them for feedback.

RelaisBlu, that's Christmas sorted, thank you!

My mother had a whole list of things that were common like eating in the street, wearing patent shoes, red shoes (lots of shoe related ones) She also lost her previously very strong potteries accent, deliberately. There were all sorts of washing related rules as well but these days they have these things called colour catchers which solve most of those

If you want to come and judge my skirting boards feel free, and I will hand you a duster while you are down there

You don’t need to be down on the ground to see grubby skirtings.

Someone I know used to have absolutely filthy ones. They were literally brown. But she had a cleaner. And a dog. So I always assumed if you had a dog it meant that your skirting boards got dirty all the time and that was just something you put up with for the love of a dog.

Then I got a dog... now I think her and her just cleaner didn’t care 😂

Preception. Poor people didn't want to be seen as poor, so kept their whites super white to keep up appearances.

As above, greying whites indicated they couldn't afford to replace etc. hence being poor.

All stupid of course. But seperating is thing for a lot of people, because I prefer my whites, you know, white.

@OnCandyStripeLegs

My mother had a whole list of things that were common like eating in the street, wearing patent shoes, red shoes (lots of shoe related ones) She also lost her previously very strong potteries accent, deliberately. There were all sorts of washing related rules as well but these days they have these things called colour catchers which solve most of those

We were told at school eating in the street is unacceptable and I'm not overly keen now

It's a very odd sort of snobbery. I doubt anyone would judge a child on the state of their clothes unless they were dirty. However I have to say I don't understand people not separating whites, darks and lights in the wash and that has nowt to do with class.

Some of your mothers would have kittens at my house. In no particular order.

I don't separate any washing, everything is shoved in on the same wash.
I don't iron... ANYTHING.
I rarely if ever clean the skirting boards.
My kitchen floor, well let's not go there with that one.
The windowsills need to be cleaned and windows but we can still see out
My sons used to wear pink babygrows because a friend of the family had given birth to a girl shortly before my first.
Any explosive type nappies, the vests were soaked and washed then re-used, with any poo stains as added decoration. Just imagine, poo vest and pink babygrow, ON A BOY!

In my defence we haven't had our cleaner back 'cos COVID' and my dh's insistence that we're all going to die if they come back spraying their germs everywhere

@minipie I’d never considered myself middleclass, nor do I entirely understand the class system so googled it.

Apparently we’re ‘technical middle class’

DM certainly has more cash than we do! Not that she works

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-22000973

PigsDo, It seems I'm a person who needs a coat of paint but hope to become more modern and made of out solid oak eventually. Who'd have thought it (except your family member).

@Nanny0gg

I think the thought is that off-white, grey-white looks grubby. Therefore neglected.

This. I do think it's awfully snobby judgement though.

Take a look at the How do you know if someone looks rich thread. Appearently the richest people look a bit scruffy so you're in good company

Some of us separate our whites but don’t throw away something that sneaked into the wrong wash.

I think if this is the only thing your mum is weird about, then don’t sweat it. My mum has very strong ideas about whites and ironing as well, she despairs at my slovenly ways

FFS, it's a baby's vest. Why would it matter?

I have no idea if my whites are washed separately or not. I don't do the laundry. But this isn't about laundry anyway, it's about some people always needing a group of other people to look down on. I suppose it's reassuring if you're an insecure type, that you can always reassure yourself that at least you aren't like THEM.

Well I have been thinking back to ye olden days....Our washing was done in a boiler, it did actually boil. Whites went in first, then coloured things as the water cooled. Whites were always white, because they were washed at a really high temperature. Being poor did not have to mean grey clothing. Maybe the implication is that "poor" children didn't have clean clothes put on them regularly? We were pretty poor and were bathed once a week, because the electric immersion cost a fortune.

Btw old vests and pants became dusters eventually, which nicely covers all the bases on this thread! Our skirting boards were spotless because Mum had five children and we were given jobs to do.

We were pretty poor and were bathed once a week, because the electric immersion cost a fortune.
We were pretty well off, and we still only bathed once a week (in the 60s) And I still have one of my old cloth nappies (again from the 60s) that I use as a duster!

I don't have many pure while clothes and I dislike white underwear so don't own any to worry about it going grey. I do separate very dark (jeans, etc) from very pale but that's it.

I detest snobbery though and the insinuation that being from a council house makes you less of a person. I am not from a council house but I have very dear friends who were and they now out-earn me and live in beautiful houses, but more importantly are beautiful, kind people.

I also couldn't care less what colour a babies vest is and have no idea why it would bother your DM so much or feel it a direct refection upon her! Surely it would be more concerning if a baby didn't have enough/suitable/dirty clothes than having a vest that had gone a little less white in the wash.

I’ll separate whites when the kids go to school maybe... 😬 With two in cloth nappies, there just isn’t enough machine time available for separate washes! Plus I wash baby clothes with nappies usually! Probably why I prefer colours for kids clothes!

your mother talked about pp children?

@TeaAndStrumpets

If anyone on Mumsnet would like to come and inspect my skirting boards they are most welcome. I can provide them with white cotton gloves for the inspection, as many pairs as needed. (ie lots) Once they recover, the gloves will be boiled (quite separately of course).

I could offer them a nice cup of leaf tea in a china cup for their trouble, too, and ask them for feedback.

In an ordinary china cup? Don't you have some Royal Doulton with handpainted periwinkles on them to drink out of?

@BathtubGin

your mother talked about pp children?

I don't know what 'pp children' are.