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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like there are fewer and fewer mums on Mumsnet?

195 replies

changerr · 16/10/2020 13:31

Sooo many threads are full of people who either:

Have no children and don't want children
Are men

Or maybe it's just my imagination.....? (and before I get flamed, obviously everyone is welcome)

OP posts:

Pelleas · 17/10/2020 21:15

@Fionasmammy

By parents for parents. Can't we have one good thing for ourselves?! 🙄

As I mentioned upthread, over 80% of women in the UK have had one or more children by the end of their fertile years. For that reason, a great deal of our culture and society is geared towards parents. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's not correct to suggest that Mumsnet is a lone bastion of support for parents.

Antirrhinum · 17/10/2020 21:44

@Fionasmammy

By parents for parents. Can't we have one good thing for ourselves?! 🙄

See, told you

blueberrypie0112 · 17/10/2020 22:49

Maybe they should rename it as “ittakeavillagenet”

Although it would nice to call it Ubuntu

DownThePlath · 18/10/2020 08:19

@Fionasmammy

By parents for parents. Can't we have one good thing for ourselves?! 🙄

Don't blame us childless folk, blame mumsnet for adding loads and loads of topics for us to be able to comment on and join with too

JorisBonson · 18/10/2020 11:19

@Fionasmammy

By parents for parents. Can't we have one good thing for ourselves?! 🙄

I feel the same about kids in pubs. Can't we have one good thing for ourselves?

0gfhty · 18/10/2020 12:16

Joris bonson - Yes some child free pubs would be great, I'd be very happy with that. Come to think of it there are child free pubs -no? Spaces for everyone. A Mum's net for parents - fine too.

Maybe mum's net just needs a name change to peoplesnet. Then a a site for parents could be created

It's the unrealistic opinion of people without kids commenting on certain parenting related threads that's unhelpful. I just think some people don't realise they have no idea of what kids are like to parent in a practical sense until they have them.

Yes a lot professional people have experience too but even then living it 24/7 is completely different

CounsellorTroi · 18/10/2020 12:21

I don’t comment on parenting threads unless they’re about adult children. I do have experience of being an adult child relating to my parents!

notacooldad · 18/10/2020 12:28

By parents for parents. Can't we have one good thing for ourselves?!
MN is a business. It is not just a chat page.
If you want just parents to talk about parenty things set your own FB page or Instagram account up so you can control who joins in. (How would you even verify that they are parents!)

However Mumsnet is a catchy name, ( like Mothercare) but covers so much more than talking about babies and children.

GroundAlmonds · 18/10/2020 12:34

I did see a really vicious post about women who want children the other day. That did seem a bit odd. Not the opinion that someone would rather be childless - that’s fine OFC, and frequently expressed here - but the contempt and vehemence directed at mothers. Why would you head to a place called Mumsnet to express that?

GoldenOmber · 18/10/2020 12:48

MN is a business. It is not just a chat page.

It’s a parenting-focused business. That’s it’s brand. That’s why there’s a whole site beyond the forums that has a lot to say about school uniforms and baby sleep and pregnancy calendars. That’s why the top of the page says “Mumsnet: By parents, for parents.” Commercial businesses that don’t specialise in anything don’t do very well.

Nobody is suggesting non-parents be kicked off, despite the angst of multiple previous posters who seem determined to feel persecuted, but yes it is a parenting-focused site and it’s just ridiculous to feel all affronted when anyone points that out.

GoldenOmber · 18/10/2020 12:50

Does TheStudentRoom get this issue, where people insist that it isn’t a site for students because it has forums on fitness and hobbies and relationships and so on? (Not a rhetorical question, I’m genuinely wondering.)

notacooldad · 18/10/2020 12:53

That’s why the top of the page says “Mumsnet: By parents, for parents.” Commercial businesses that don’t specialise in anything don’t do very well
Maybe it is time for the tag line to be dropped. MN has got bigger than it's original remit and is now a go-to forum for all topics and advice.

Readandwalk · 18/10/2020 12:57

Theres a current post where nearly all the mothers on it say they dont like other children, only their own.

I do find this said by mothers is far more acceptable than childfree women.

Not sure why.

MN is a great site for women, for a range of topics.

GoldenOmber · 18/10/2020 12:57

Maybe it is time for the tag line to be dropped.

Why would they drop it? It’s a successful business that can pitch a specific user demographic to advertisers. You’re free to start your own “By People, For People” site if you think it’d be that much of a goer though.

Pelleas · 18/10/2020 13:13

@Readandwalk

Theres a current post where nearly all the mothers on it say they dont like other children, only their own.

I do find this said by mothers is far more acceptable than childfree women.

Not sure why.

MN is a great site for women, for a range of topics.

Yes, I've sometimes seen threads where it seems mothers are almost competing to express how much they loathe all children except their own offspring.

I find that rather baffling. As a childfree person, I don't dislike children. They can be a nuisance at times, but no more so than adults. I wouldn't want them around me 24/7 which is why I didn't have any, but other people's don't bother me at all.

Stillgoings · 18/10/2020 13:20

notacooldad · 18/10/2020 13:33

Why would they drop it? It’s a successful business that can pitch a specific user demographic to advertisers. You’re free to start your own “By People, For People” site if you think it’d be that much of a goer though*
The tag line doesn't bother me. I was just agreeing , after people coming up with the predictable 'its MUMSnet' line, that MN is so much more than parents talk pages. The tag line is good but it doesn't do do the MN justice in showing how diverse and interesting the topics are.

notacooldad · 18/10/2020 13:35

I answered a post on the sex board a month or so ago and got a direct message from a pervy man. That made me realise how many men are on here and look at posts more closely, it did make me feel a bit uneasy really
How awful for you! 😞
I have avoided that topic because I've a feeling that its a sitting duck page to be trolled by creeps sadly.

lazylinguist · 18/10/2020 16:15

I find that rather baffling. As a childfree person, I don't dislike children. They can be a nuisance at times, but no more so than adults

I think maybe the very strong feelings of love, attachment and kinship you experience for the first time when you have your own children can create a very striking contrast with what it's like to interact with other people's children.

answered a post on the sex board a month or so ago and got a direct message from a pervy man. That made me realise how many men are on here

It's awful that happened to you. But how did an unwanted interaction with one make you assume there were so many men on here?

AnneOfQueenSables · 19/10/2020 01:47

Men are easy to spot. MRAs and TRAs have been targeting MN for years. It's quite amusing that they think they're fooling anyone.

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