To feel like there are fewer and fewer mums on Mumsnet?

[changerr]

Sooo many threads are full of people who either:

1. Have no children and don't want children
2. Are men

Or maybe it's just my imagination.....? (and before I get flamed, obviously everyone is welcome)

It is especially tiresome on parenting threads, where people who clearly have no recent experience of say, potty training a toddler, chime in to give their two cents.

But, there are some non-parents who seem hostile to children and belittling to mothers. It makes it less of a friendly place, and the tone had changed. It’s hard to understand why they are attracted to a board aimed at mothers, except to antagonise them

This isn't something I've ever felt. I see it like this - if I meet someone, say, at work, I don't consider whether they're a parent or not before striking up a conversation. I'd be pretty lonely if I confined myself to only interacting with other childfree people. I encounter more childfree people on Mumsnet than I do in real life.

I suspect we have A LOT of male lurkers.

Even my friend's 80 year old DF admitted whenever he wants the answer to something he searches on MN!

I joined a couple years back for TTC, it didn't happen, I'm now very on the fence as to whether I should really start a family after all, but I do work with children so it's good for me to poke around here and read about the challenges kids face these days. And the non-parenting threads are often interesting too.

@EmpressoftheMundane

I joined over 16 years ago

It started out feeling like a place where mothers could share thoughts and concerns. A place for shared experience and mutual support.

It’s now a more general chat board. The different perspectives can be interesting and helpful and generally add more to the conversation.

But, there are some non-parents who seem hostile to children and belittling to mothers. It makes it less of a friendly place, and the tone had changed. It’s hard to understand why they are attracted to a board aimed at mothers, except to antagonise them.

To be fair there are plenty of parents here who seem hostile to children and belittling to mothers! So many threads similar to these:

I'm a WOHM and judged by SAHM - then tries to subtly judge SAHM

I'm a SAHM and judges by WOHM - tries to subtly allude to WOHM abandoning their kids to be a career girl

I hate my childs friend

Can I leave one kid out of my child birthday - he's a brat

My child wants her friend over to play but I hate all kids but my own

And on and on.

I'm not a mum

I stumbled onto mumsnet when I asked a question into Google it came up with a thread on here discussing it.

I owe a lot to the people of mumsnet. It's full of successful motivated people and through my years of lurking its given me so many ideas, tips and inspirations to expand my self employed work and start my own business. I honestly dont think I'd be in this position if it wasnt for my years of lurking.

I'm a mum but welcome everyone, it's a great place to be. I'm yet to see any men on here but have seen plenty of women who don't want children. What's so wrong with that? They're hard work!

@sabrinaq

I get totally fed up of childfree people posting on the threads where someone is having a meltdown over parenting and saying - I knew having kids would be a nightmare and that's why I don't have any! Unhelpful in the extreme.

Yes, I have noticed that. I am child free (my choice) and cringe when I read those sort of comments, it always makes me wonder if that person is not child free by choice, and feels bitter or something.. hmm.

Anyway, thank you for using the term 'child free' when referring to someone who is to be child free by choice, and not the term 'child less', which to most people is the term used by people who want to have children but for some reason, cannot.

I know a few men who come on MN just to laugh at some of the threads and comments. MN has a reputation for being full of hysterical, highly strung women (can't imagine why....)

@SurreyHillsGirl

I know a few men who come on MN just to laugh at some of the threads and comments. MN has a reputation for being full of hysterical, highly strung women (can't imagine why....)

I'm not ashamed to say I do this. I would never comment but mumsnet is full of some very precious petty people and I do find some of the 'problems' people have a bit funny

Tbh I know it's called mumsnet but there are discussions here about all sorts, so I'm pretty sure you don't have to be a mum to be here. The majority of posts I see at the moment are about idiot husbands and covid.

I don't have kids, but my partner has a son, so I signed up with the thought that I could get some advice as I've been thrown in at the deep end. People have generally been very helpful.

I do hope that I will have kids of my own one day, but until then I am enjoying getting involved with the other discussions.

@SurreyHillsGirl

I know a few men who come on MN just to laugh at some of the threads and comments. MN has a reputation for being full of hysterical, highly strung women (can't imagine why....)

I think everyone gets a bit of entertainment over the highly strung posters.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4047600-What-is-the-strangest-thing-you-ve-seen-someone-get-annoyed-about-on-here?pg=9

@SurreyHillsGirl

I know a few men who come on MN just to laugh at some of the threads and comments. MN has a reputation for being full of hysterical, highly strung women (can't imagine why....)

Ah yes, the two types of Men Commenting On Mumsnet:

a) “Look at all the silly mummies getting all wound up about nappies and lipstick or whatever, lol how ridiculous they are”

b) “The silly mummies are talking about politics and things that matter! Who the fuck do they think they are, this site has obviously been radicalised by nefarious forces, they need to go back to talking about nappies and lipstick.”

Just

I remember some bloke coming on with a tale of woe - the love of his life, mother to his adored child, lies dying in hospital...how could he carry on? She was his life, so young, accomplished and beautiful... and so the story went on.

I’m an old cynic so squealed ‘troll’ to MNHQ - it was many pages before people started commenting that he’d DMed them for hook ups. No wife, no kid, no morals...

I was on here 10 years and several usernames before I even mentioned I didn't have children. It just wasn't relevant.

Btw childfree people find it irritating to be told that we're missing out on love, that we'll change our minds and all that stuff.

I personally don't think it's helpful for childfree people to mention on threads where parents are struggling that they knew it would be like that and so didn't have kids (albeit true).

I agree with you OP. And whilst I recognise that non mums can use the site I feel like they shouldn't be commenting negatively on parenting threads.

I've had some nasty responses on threads where I've posted for support on toddler and baby related stuff along the lines of 'get a grip, that's what children are like' that are no way from parents.

I would never ‘brag’ to a parent that’s struggling. Those that do are just goady fuckers, which you’ll find all over this site

Including those parents who have appeared never to have had children who misbehave, tantrum or embarrass their parents in anyway whatsoever!

Whats the issue?

Agree there seem to be alot of threads about how shit it must be to have kids and how they're glad they didn't ruin their lives etc.

@Yeahnahmum

Its called MUMSnet....

But not EXCLUSIVELYMUMSnet

@changerr

Sooo many threads are full of people who either:

1. Have no children and don't want children
2. Are men

Or maybe it's just my imagination.....? (and before I get flamed, obviously everyone is welcome)

Sooo many threads full of people who aren’t mothers or are men? Really? Soo many? Full? I cannot recall ever seeing a single thread where you would know that it was full of non mothers. Apart, of course, from the ones that turn up with woeful predictability inviting non mothers to justify why they are on Mumset.

And if, as you say, everyone is welcome, why are you bothered anyway?

@TotorosFurryBehind

I agree with you OP. And whilst I recognise that non mums can use the site I feel like they shouldn't be commenting negatively on parenting threads.

I've had some nasty responses on threads where I've posted for support on toddler and baby related stuff along the lines of 'get a grip, that's what children are like' that are no way from parents.

I think you'd be surprised, no one has been ruder/nastier/unsupportive to me about parenting than mums.

There's often threads where, for example, the mum has one baby and can't cope and you'll get numerous posts along the lines of 'I have 4 children, went back to work the day after the birth, keep my 8 bedroom house immaculate and have dh dinner ready when he gets home. You need to get this sorted before he leaves you. What a terrible mother you are'.

Agree there seem to be alot of threads about how shit it must be to have kids and how they're glad they didn't ruin their lives etc.

So what about the threads started by parents about how they wish they didn't have kids? Don't like being a parent? Etc etc.

So, you don't mind us here but we're not allowed to talk about our life choices because they are different to your life choices?

I am now an adopted parent to two teenagers so does that mean I'm allowed to comment? Not allowed to comment?

Just so I know how I'm allowed to use MN.

Oh and some of the most disgusting, vile, hurtful comments I've ever seen on here have been targeted at women struggling with infertility. So a big from me to all of them.