Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pissed off two friends as won't share my baby things

389 replies

Pollypockett23 · 16/10/2020 13:22

I've upset two friends by not sharing my baby things. It's my first baby and I have bought everything brand new.

Both are pregnant and both have been pestering to borrow things. Neither have asked outright but have been hugely hinting eg. Can't try things on in maternity stores etc. I've just said you don't really get maternity clothes in store anymore, most is online anyway.

I feel really under pressure and don't want to share my things. One has recently married a millionaire - I don't know why she would want my second hand stuff?

I just want to keep everything new but feel under massive pressure. Am I being unreasonable?

One friend is strapped for cash but has chosen to have a baby. I don't feel I should have to fund her lifestyle choice?! I did give her a bag of things - maternity clothes - and she turned her nose up at them and hasn't worn them since. Confused They were all brand new but things I hadn't spend hundreds on.

OP posts:
Scotmummy1216 · 16/10/2020 17:50

Yanbu ive only passed on and sold when i was done. They seem very entitled.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 16/10/2020 17:57

These sort of friends really are not worth the hassle. If they persist then I think you need to rethink the friendships completely. I'm not sure even desperation excuses this rudeness.

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 16/10/2020 18:01

Polly, I think you're being silly. Our new baby isn't planning to destroy your things. We would look after anything you give us? It just seems a waste for it to be left in a cupboard? Unless your pregnant? What's the plan for this weekend?

I can't believe the total brass neck of this so-called friend. It's outrageous.

She thinks you're being silly, does she? Well I think she's being entitled and grabby. They're your baby things and she has no say in what you do with them. I would seriously be reconsidering this friendship.

madcatladyforever · 16/10/2020 18:02

Cheeky fuckers, greedy, grabbing and entitled. Then not asking you outright like normal people but hinting and bitching about you.
I was a very poverty stricken single mum many years ago and would never have dreamed of begging from my friends in this way because I had some self respect.
I'd ditch them as friends if I were you.

WhatifIfeellikeacat · 16/10/2020 18:03

"I haven't thought of lending my stuff but if I change my mind I will text you."

ProudMummy1920 · 16/10/2020 18:03

Tell the poor one to get an abortion🤣🤣😭

Zezet · 16/10/2020 18:04

Wow.

Tappering · 16/10/2020 18:10

Text back:

They are my things and I am going to use them. I am not going to discuss this any further.

nanbread · 16/10/2020 18:15

Your friends sound pretty awful, but I wonder why they are so invested in your baby clothes. What's the back story here? Did you buy loads of designer outfits that would only get worn a couple of times before they'd be grown out of and make a big deal out of them? Did you promise them at an earlier date? Did you slag off cheap baby clothes?

FlyingPandas · 16/10/2020 18:21

"Lucy, I think you're being very rude. I don't ask to borrow random belongings of yours simply because you're not currently using them?Why do you feel you are entitled to my things? Unless you're just out to be as grabby as you can? Please stop nagging, belittling and badmouthing me. I will not be bullied into lending anything to you and I am not going to discuss it further."

OP, she sounds like a nasty grabby little cheapskate. I would be distancing myself from her if I were you.

QueenOfPain · 16/10/2020 18:22

Hang on, so they’re wanting to borrow things that you’ve bought for a baby that you haven’t even given birth to yet?

I just don’t buy that being true.

MintyMabel · 16/10/2020 18:27

One is a best friend. We are close, I just don't want to lend my things. I want to keep them for our second

Is that the one you are judging for having a baby when “strapped for cash”, or the one you are judging for choosing to use second hand stuff instead of getting her “millionaire” husband to fork out for new stuff?

Nanasueathome · 16/10/2020 18:30

@QueenOfPain

Hang on, so they’re wanting to borrow things that you’ve bought for a baby that you haven’t even given birth to yet?

I just don’t buy that being true.

Read the thread

The OP already has a child but wants to TTC fairly soon for her second
She wants to keep the clothes to use them herself

Original poster
Pollypockett23 · 16/10/2020 18:30

@QueenOfPain

Hang on, so they’re wanting to borrow things that you’ve bought for a baby that you haven’t even given birth to yet?

I just don’t buy that being true.

What, no? I've had my baby. We're about to start trying for a second.
OP posts:
Original poster
Pollypockett23 · 16/10/2020 18:31

@MintyMabel

One is a best friend. We are close, I just don't want to lend my things. I want to keep them for our second

Is that the one you are judging for having a baby when “strapped for cash”, or the one you are judging for choosing to use second hand stuff instead of getting her “millionaire” husband to fork out for new stuff?

That's really unfair. C'mon on?
OP posts:
Original poster
Pollypockett23 · 16/10/2020 18:32

@MintyMabel

One is a best friend. We are close, I just don't want to lend my things. I want to keep them for our second

Is that the one you are judging for having a baby when “strapped for cash”, or the one you are judging for choosing to use second hand stuff instead of getting her “millionaire” husband to fork out for new stuff?

I'm not judging her for using second hand stuff. I'm getting frustrated that she's desperate for me to give her mine.
OP posts:
QueenOfPain · 16/10/2020 18:33

Okay, fair enough, it was the referring to everything as “new” that threw me off. It’s perfectly reasonable not to lend anything out if you don't want to, just tell the cheeky mares to sod off.

Original poster
Pollypockett23 · 16/10/2020 18:34

@nanbread

Your friends sound pretty awful, but I wonder why they are so invested in your baby clothes. What's the back story here? Did you buy loads of designer outfits that would only get worn a couple of times before they'd be grown out of and make a big deal out of them? Did you promise them at an earlier date? Did you slag off cheap baby clothes?
No, wouldn't say designer clothes per se? I would never 'slag' off 'cheap clothes', ever. I come from really, really humble beginnings. I feel very lucky to be in my situation.

I just feel like it may be the end of my friendships with them. I feel like unless I give my things up - it's not just baby clothes - they don't want anything to do with me.

OP posts:
ArtichokeAardvark · 16/10/2020 18:35

I'm on the fence here. If you dont want to lend the baby stuff then that's fine and you are perfectly entitled to keep everything for your next child.

However, I do find you a bit strange for not wanting to lend, especially when you aren't even pregnant yet! Babies grow out of things so fast, you can have everything back again long before they're needed for your second child. Babies also don't care whether they are wearing brand new clothes or things that are sixth-hand! My friends and I have a revolving library of baby stuff (we call it the newborn starter kit Grin) and it's lovely to think all our children have been wearing the same jumpers etc. If something gets utterly destroyed it gets chucked, but then that parent replaces it with something new.

But to each their own. If you want to keep the clothes then that's ok too.

Original poster
Pollypockett23 · 16/10/2020 18:35

@QueenOfPain

Okay, fair enough, it was the referring to everything as “new” that threw me off. It’s perfectly reasonable not to lend anything out if you don't want to, just tell the cheeky mares to sod off.
Sorry, I think that's because my baby is only 12 months now so everything still feels very new?
OP posts:
FlyingPandas · 16/10/2020 18:35

@MintyMabel

One is a best friend. We are close, I just don't want to lend my things. I want to keep them for our second

Is that the one you are judging for having a baby when “strapped for cash”, or the one you are judging for choosing to use second hand stuff instead of getting her “millionaire” husband to fork out for new stuff?

Buying second hand is admirable, yes. But you don't demand that someone simply hands over their belongings because you fancy using them!

There are loads of beautiful second hand baby clothes, designer and all, on ebay, Facebook selling sites etc, often for very low prices. If "Lucy'" is that keen to be environmentally friendly then surely she could source her own things.

It's the bullying sneering entitled attitude of the two 'friends' that is the issue here. The OP isn't judging anyone as far as I can see.

FingersCrossedForAllOfUs · 16/10/2020 18:36

OP, You don’t need ‘friends’ like these in your life.
Block the CF’s and move on.
They are your baby clothes, you do not need to justify yourself to anyone.

mrscampbellblackagain · 16/10/2020 18:37

@Pollypockett23 you are so not unreasonable! I like nice things and I look after my clothes and my dc's - just reeling after reading some people on here don't separate their whites Wink

Your friends are rude and grabby.

Original poster
Pollypockett23 · 16/10/2020 18:40

@Coyoacan

Very unusual behaviour from the lot of you, in my opinion. But I think you all deserve each other.

One friend is strapped for cash but has chosen to have a baby. I don't feel I should have to fund her lifestyle choice?

This comment shows exactly how much you value your friendships, OP, and I'm sorry for you, because good friends that look out of each other are worth good.

I gave her a bag of clothes and she didn't want them! She wanted all the best stuff... I feel that's a lifestyle choice?

The next week she has brand new things on. She wanted me to give her all my things and then got annoyed when I shared things I wasn't bothered about.

I'm a really good friend, a very caring friend but I don't feel comfortable. I feel like my friendship is based on me continually giving material items abs when I don't, it having an adverse reaction?

In so many words, I feel used. I only came on here to make sure I wasn't being a total arse of a friend. The majority of people seem to hold my opinion which puts my mind at rest.

OP posts:
QueenOfPain · 16/10/2020 18:42

Of course, and it’s a nice feeling to have looked after everything so carefully, so that you can use it again.

I wouldn’t really trust other people to take the same care with things as I would, so I wouldn’t lend anything unless I was pretty much done with it anyway, and at that point it would be more of a give than a lend.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.