Pissed off two friends as won't share my baby things

[Pollypockett23]

I've upset two friends by not sharing my baby things. It's my first baby and I have bought everything brand new.

Both are pregnant and both have been pestering to borrow things. Neither have asked outright but have been hugely hinting eg. Can't try things on in maternity stores etc. I've just said you don't really get maternity clothes in store anymore, most is online anyway.

I feel really under pressure and don't want to share my things. One has recently married a millionaire - I don't know why she would want my second hand stuff?

I just want to keep everything new but feel under massive pressure. Am I being unreasonable?

One friend is strapped for cash but has chosen to have a baby. I don't feel I should have to fund her lifestyle choice?! I did give her a bag of things - maternity clothes - and she turned her nose up at them and hasn't worn them since. They were all brand new but things I hadn't spend hundreds on.

I'd be tempted to go with "My plan for the weekend is not to spend my time with people that think I'm silly and talk about me behind my back."

But I've had a bad week at work and am generally feeling quite pissed off with life.

Just say no. Your friends are being knobs.

If you're aiming to have another baby why would you lend things out and get them back more used/knackered?

This is just weird. I didn't borrow one thing from anyone, nor would I have.

Your 'friends'' sense of entitlement to your hard earned belongings is astounding.

Tell them to buy their own baby items; you're not loaning yours out, and you'll be selling them to fund further items when you are done with them yourself.

Cheeky fuckers.

You're not BU. One of my friends is just buying a load of new maternity clothes for her second as she lent her mat clothes to her friend who wore them for 2 pregnancies and stretched them / washed them at high temps and now they are useless to her! I really look after my things and hate lending them out for this reason!

@Pollypockett23

If you think back, is this completely new behaviour or have they done similar before and because you thought they were your friends you didn't notice it?

After that last message I would stop being so nice about it - if she's prepared to tell you she thinks you're being silly then you're perfectly in you're rights to tell her you think she's being entitled!

I would just say now 'I don't wish to argue about this, I have explained my position and I won't be guilted into changing my mind. You may think I'm being unreasonable but in my mind it's more reasonable to not want to lend out things I will (hopefully) soon need again myself than it is to moan about friends to other people because they're not doing what you want them to do, even though they are absolutely in their rights to say no. Please don't ask me about this again.'

End. Of!

@multivac

Text back Maybe you should clean your own house and use the money saved to buy your own baby stuff I will give my childrens things away when I'm finished having children and good and ready, not when so called friends decide I should.

Ooh yes, do this. You'll totally sound like the grown-up-est grown-up of all (even with such stiff competition)!

@Multivac

Nailed it.

If anyone was this rude to me about my possessions, they would get it very straight.

So rude.

This is really bonkers, these people just aren't your sort, it happens.
People offered us so much and were so kind, we never planned ds1 and was 20 weeks before we knew.
I/we would never have dreamed of asking friends or even family.
As for turning noses up at maternity clothes, this person isn't poor. I'd have had your arm off at the time.
You don't sound uncharitable, just pissed off with cf's and I don't blame you.

I suppose I can understand your friends views. Having had 4 kids, I totally how much money is wasted on new stuff (most of which still looks new once they have outgrown them)
Saying that surely it is up to you to offer and not for them to expect. Even if they made the request they should not get angry at you if you do not want to lend or sell your stuff.
I will ignore your rant about their wealth. It does your argument, which is correct as it stands, no favours as you have no idea of their actual income or outgoings.

Oh my goodness her message to you was unspeakably rude and entitled.
Does she always speak to you in that tone?

They certainly sound grabby!

I'd just say you don't like lending things and you want to keep for the second.

I hope this isn't them being funny being friends just because of this.

@TurquoiseDragon

I did have one so called friend who pushed and pushed to borrow a dress I had put DD in. I gave her a flat Nope to that one, it was a dress that my DM had put me in as a baby, so years old. She really pushed, wouldn't have it that the dress was special to me. After I actually caught her trying to take the dress off DD when I came back from the toilet, I washed the dress and packed it away in a box with other sentimental items. I'm pretty sure I would never have had that dress back, and she's an ex friend now anyway. I think she wanted it as it was a vintage Liberty dress, mum had splashed out for that one dress.

WTAF?! the brass neck of some people.

I would have been hard pushed but wouldn't have done anything to have slapped her round the face. Touching your baby trying to get the dress off!!!

I'm surprised the one with the personal trainer etc trying to borrow your clothes as most people I know like this want to buy new just because they can.

ASOS, Next, Jo Jo Maman Bebe, H&M Mama, Seraphine etc - all do maternity clothes online and if they can't work out their own measurements to fit them online they're being dim and stupid.

I would respond to the last text with something along the lines of:

"I'm sorry to disappoint but I am not lending out any of my baby yet, so please stop asking"

Any further messages or hints about it I would completely ignore.

Grabby entitled "friend"

That reply is astonishing. I've not read something so entitled in a long time. And I'm happy to lend stuff (though I've never been asked - I offer, and if someone hinted and gossipped like your friends have, no way would I).

Lucy, if you're on Mumsnet, you're entitled and grabby. Buy your own stuff.

Yanbu! If you’re planning on having another child you want to keep things in as good condition as possible. Nobody asked to borrow my things and I only gave things away when we’d completed our family.

Sometimes friends get jealous of each other and different things bring it out. Could she be jealous? Maybe give it a bit of distance. It sounds like they have found the thing that winds you up and are pressing your buttons. Some defective people are weird like that.

As my mum would say 'if you ask you don't get'. A friend lent me pregnancy books, another wedge cushions and a neighbour that we didn't know too well gave us clothes she didn't need. They were not expected and much appreciated. We also borrowed a moses basket from my SIL.
Your friends should not expect you to give them things in fact i would be less likely to give them things if they can't take no for answer. You might have wanted to give them to someone else or use them again. If they ask again change the subject or walk away. I get the feeling if you did lend them things you wouldn't get a thank you

You need new friends.

Do not lend them anything, you can give them stuff when you are done.
What a load of CF's.

How strange? I would have never have thought to pass my used baby stuff to friends and never would expect them to pass stuff to me? Certainly none of them ever asked!

Don't people prefer to buy their own stuff? I'd make a point that either of these two weirdo's never got one item of anything that has ever belonged to you!

This is crazy. I would not give these women anything!
My SIL has girls older than my two and sometimes passes bits on. I’m grateful for it, but I don’t eye up my nieces clothes and hint. How very rude!
I also pass stuff on to other people because I like to reuse stuff and it’s kind. But only after both my kids have outgrown it and I’m not planning anymore kids.

Really weird behaviour from your friends. Just say no.

This says it all.