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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want sex but can't be bothered to do it?

56 replies

MysteryPerson · 12/10/2007 19:04

I rarely want sex as I suffer depression (find it hard to get motivated about anything) but really could do it with my DH tonight but I really can't be bothered- don't know if it is because I am a lazy cow or because of my depression.

DH is up for it anytime so AIBU?

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 12/10/2007 20:14

Mysteryperson - are you not so much boring as bored?

Original poster
MysteryPerson · 12/10/2007 20:16

Elasticwoman - both

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 12/10/2007 20:22

MP - my dh knew from early on in our marriage that I am hell to live with if bored, so he encouraged me to do stuff. perhaps you could somehow intimate that pearl of wisdom to your dh?

Original poster
MysteryPerson · 12/10/2007 20:24

What kinda stuff? You don't have to say in great detail obv but I am soooooooooo bored it unbelievable.

OP posts:
talulasmum · 12/10/2007 20:29

mp; if your so bored why dont you have a shag with dh ?

Original poster
MysteryPerson · 12/10/2007 20:33

he is watching the programme friends at the mo (I hate it personally).

OP posts:
mrsmerton · 12/10/2007 20:50

Go on, its not too late. Pop your head round the front room door, and say "Fancy an early night?" Make yourself do it, you said you wanted to, just couldn't be bothered, so your'e not dead from the waist down.

Don't imagine he would rather be watching Friends than rolling about upstairs with you, that would NEVER happen.

This could be the start of a really fun weekend....!

Elasticwoman · 13/10/2007 19:47

Well Mystery Person, it was before we had children so childcare wasn't an issue. I had a very boring job for which I was heavily overqualified, having given up the world for love, so I joined things. EG, MIND the mental health charity, Amnesty International. I sang in a choir. Eventually none of that was enough so I went back to university to do a postgrad course. This meant living away from home during the week and just coming back at weekends. Can't say that did our relationship a lot of good while it was happening, but he never thought of holding me back and it was worth it in the long run.

Perhaps you should think of doing a course or getting a job or doing some voluntary work. In fact I did the latter when the children were as small as yours are.

ThePhantomToiletFlusher · 13/10/2007 19:55

I think if you haven't done it for a while its harder to get motivated about doing it than if you do it regularly. The more you do it the more you want it IYSWIM?

You need to march into the living room, tell him to get himself upstairs and Go For It!! I bet you'll feel better about yourself and him if you do.

Report back in 3 minutes an hour!

Elasticwoman · 13/10/2007 19:57

Why does he need to go upstairs, Phantom?

Who was it that talked about marriage being the peace and quiet of the double bed, after the hurly burly of the chaise longue?

ThePhantomToiletFlusher · 13/10/2007 19:59

Well they don't need to go upstairs but I was making presumptions about kids coming down stairs to find parents furiously shagging!

DrNortherner · 13/10/2007 20:01

I think we have all at soem point lost our libido's especially after kids, but it really is true - the more you do it the more you want it.

Get yourself in tghe mood and give him a treat. YOu will feel great for it!

Reading erotic fiction can really help to get you in the mood.

fullmoonfiend · 13/10/2007 20:03

'spoons' is good if you can't summon up too much energy....

Elasticwoman · 13/10/2007 20:04

That's a good idea, erotic fiction. However, one girl's erotic is another girl's turn off.

ThePhantomToiletFlusher · 13/10/2007 20:05

Have you noticed that Mystery persons gone?

DO you think they're at it right now?

ThePhantomToiletFlusher · 13/10/2007 20:06

Aahh, perhaps not, just realised her last post was at 8.30 last night!

PSCMUM · 13/10/2007 20:07

I started a thread similar to this a while ago. I just could not face it, one of the people on there told me they wouldn't care if they never had sex again!! I've since had my hair done, got waxed, started exercising and eatin properly again, and going to sleep at reasonable times, and the first time, after a long gap,. I really did have to consciously decided that I must haev sex as II was making my husband feel so sad, and since then...it has just been lovely, its like others have said, the more you do it, the more you get to like it. And i think possibly the more you do it, the more you reaslise it is not the pain in the arse (?!) you thought it was!

fullmoonfiend · 13/10/2007 20:22

PMSL at pain in the arse

Starbear · 13/10/2007 21:06

Oh! Give us some idea to get back in the mood! Dh grumpy today as he didn't get any but I real need him not be so nice and show some real desire not just 'How about it.' Especial when he goes on about how hard he has worked all day. I've done over the top fantasy since I was 14 years old bored now nothing really new.
Never in the mood anymore Don't know where my Mojos gone Don't think I can get it back.

olala · 13/10/2007 21:16

you could try viagara. have no personal experience, but my v good friend says it is truly excellent.

Starbear · 13/10/2007 21:31

didn't work for me. if it did I would be an addict now.

olala · 13/10/2007 21:35

o. right then. back to drawing board. the times we have the best sex are the times we are really pissed and do filthy things.

Starbear · 13/10/2007 21:42

Used to work with ex-boyfriends I used to dump them they would come running back 'ergo' (I think that's how you spell it) They fancied the pants off me. I love DH and I don't want him to think I don't love him. don't fancy Billy Zane either.

olala · 13/10/2007 21:45

I had this a while ago, I fancy Dh so much, but couldn't be arsed and he was feeling v unloved and sad and unattractive, just close your eyes and get the bollocks on with it! It'll improve with time and you'll be actively seeking it soon. Yes really!

OrmIrian · 15/10/2007 10:52

I agree with a lot of the things people have said on here, apart from the' the more you do it, the more you want it' thing. It doesn't work that way for me. It doesn't matter how much we do it, I'm still doing it for DH by and large. It's OK...sometime really wonderful...but given the choice I'd still rather not bother. If it wasn't for the fact that it upsets him and our relationship suffered for the lack of it, I'd be very happy never to bother again.

And TBH it doesn't upset me. Wild rampant sex and lust belonged to another time in my life. I've moved on. I am not the same person that I was 20 years ago. I'm much more. More complex, more experienced, more interesting. And DH knows that and values me. I find it really frustrating that sex is seen as the be-all-and-end-all of everyone's lives. It isn't. If you did a straw poll of many women in their 40's I'm sure you'd find many that feel the same as me. And that's OK. Not unhealthy, not repressed, just different.