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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want sex but can't be bothered to do it?

56 replies

MysteryPerson · 12/10/2007 19:04

I rarely want sex as I suffer depression (find it hard to get motivated about anything) but really could do it with my DH tonight but I really can't be bothered- don't know if it is because I am a lazy cow or because of my depression.

DH is up for it anytime so AIBU?

OP posts:
mrsmerton · 12/10/2007 19:05

I think you should do it! YANBU, but may find once you get back in the saddle, so to speak, you have a great time.

Let us know how it goes! (Only kidding)

nappynuttynormabutty · 12/10/2007 19:08

Just go for it, you might enjoy it

(no offence btw!)

Flamesparrow · 12/10/2007 19:13

Ooh I'm like that. The last 3 nights we've both decided it sounds like a good idea, but we really can't be arsed. Nothing to do with depression, just plain tired!

Original poster
MysteryPerson · 12/10/2007 19:15

The thing is DH is up for it anytime or the day/week and I am most definately not.

OP posts:
mrsmerton · 12/10/2007 19:17

That can be a little wearing! Do you feel like its just another one of those 'jobs to do?' I do sometimes. Too tired too. But when we eventually do, alls well with the world again!

Original poster
MysteryPerson · 12/10/2007 19:20

its hard bloody work.

OP posts:
spooklesandwhine · 12/10/2007 19:24

nah you'll be alright once you (ahem) get going so to speak

is it the thought of instigating it or doing it that puts you off?

Original poster
MysteryPerson · 12/10/2007 19:28

instigating I don't do - I may be boring don't you think? or maybe just bone idle.

OP posts:
mrsmerton · 12/10/2007 19:32

Put something skimpy on, and pretend its Jude Law, Pierce Brosnan, whoever floats your boat coming to ravage you if you need help getting in the mood.
Don't think of it as a chore. Your husband obviously still fancies the pants off you,doesn't that make you feel sexy?

spooklesandwhine · 12/10/2007 19:33

no i don't like instigating it either but sometimes i do so dp doesn't feel as if he's doing it all the time iykwim

you'll be fine once you get going the depression will probably have something to do with your motivation, i find that once we make the effort regularly the desire to have sex more comes back

spooklesandwhine · 12/10/2007 19:35

yes completely agree MrsMerton, knowing your dp fancies the pants off you is a turn on

spooklesandwhine · 12/10/2007 19:35

got to go DP is on his way home

Good luck MP

newgirl · 12/10/2007 19:36

i feel like this all the time!

i read in a tracey cox book that sometimes you just have to give it a go and your body will take over

she also said lubricate and inebriate

or go away for the night and drink lots that helps

Original poster
MysteryPerson · 12/10/2007 19:41

I am a 100% boring lover. I have told DH to go to a strip bar/lap bar and shag someone else as I am so boring and bloody bone idle to do it.

For his birthday I took him to a lap bar and paid £50 for a girl to do a strip just to get him off my back iykwim? She was willing to do more for more cash too that didn't happen - cheeky cow wanted cash only and I only had card.

Nothing happened in the end.

OP posts:
mrsmerton · 12/10/2007 19:44

Mysteryperson, you need to get your mojo back! I really believe with sex that the more you do it, the more you want it. You are not 100% boring at it, I bet your dh would think all his Christmasess had come at once (pardon the pun) if you do it.....you might enjoy it.[wink}

mrsmerton · 12/10/2007 19:45
Wink
Original poster
MysteryPerson · 12/10/2007 19:49

I know you are right Mrs Merton. Thanks for your advice.

I am finishing my glass or red wine and then off to bed .

OP posts:
mrsmerton · 12/10/2007 19:50

WhooHOO!

xXxamyxXx · 12/10/2007 19:51

just go for it you might get into it once you start and i think men are generally alway up for it excuse the pun

OrmIrian · 12/10/2007 19:53

mysteryperson - it is sometimes another chore for me to do I must admit. And I alws have the fear that if I instigate proceeding I'll be expected to make all the running and if I'm honest by the time the kids are all in bed I don't want to make the effort as I've been run off my feet all day. Shameful I know. But I have generally found that it doesn't take much encouragement to have DH straining at the leash so to speak .

Original poster
MysteryPerson · 12/10/2007 20:06

It annoys me that men expect a women to even think about sex after a stressful day, i.e.

up at 7am with 2 yo
5yo wakes up do the breakfast thing, school run
9.15am clean house, ironing, go to gym (if lucky), etc etc

12pm - pick DS from nursery (only goes twice a week).

1pm lunch & entertain DS - extended entertain DS

3.30pm pick up DD from School

4-6pm entertain kids some shape or form

7-8pm bath and bed

I need a bloody life or job or something before I crack

OP posts:
talulasmum · 12/10/2007 20:07

im fine until i have sex with dh, its afterwards i get depressed cos i think

what a f**king waste of time that was.

Original poster
MysteryPerson · 12/10/2007 20:10

You poor thing talulasmum - is it really that bad?

OP posts:
ShinyHappyPurpleSeveredHeads · 12/10/2007 20:11

MP... are you on anti depressants????

talulasmum · 12/10/2007 20:13

yep, but have become a good actress, dont want to hurt poor sods feelings.