That if you work from home

[forfoxsakee]

9-3 and you live with another person who does 13 hour shifts and leaves at half 6 in the morning and gets home at 9 at night that you take on most of the household stuff? E.g when the person comes home they should come home at night to a clean and tidy house, bathroom cleaned/kitchen cleaned/garden tidied and a meal cooked? There are no children in the home.

I think working from home has nothing to do with it - it’s still time that you’re still working whether home or in an office.

I think yabu to expect things like bathroom and garden to be done, Those are Shared responsibilities. However, house should at least be generally tidy ie picked up after themselves etc. I wfh 8:30-2:30 4 days per week and I at least make sure dishwasher is unloaded, things are put away etc so DP doesn’t come home to a complete tip. I do also run hoover around (but we have 3 young dcs so I tend to do that daily anyway, probably wouldn’t need to if it was just us!) But other housework is shared between us.

tbh from what your saying your doing 20 more hours work so I would think it fair for the one working from home to spend 2 fifths more time doing the chores. Would make sense for the one working from home to handle the cooking and some basic cleaning during the week to help keep on top of things when your working as I know from doing shifts myself that all you want to do is eat dinner and not much else. One tip for doing shift work is to batch cook your meals on your days off and freeze them so it's less work when your working. I would say garden work can wait till your days off and you could do it together. If its just 2 of you living in the house and no kids it's not hard work to keep things clean and tidy once it's on top of providing both people pick up after themselves. But yeah i think chores need to be shared more equally going off what your saying and if they took the basic ones during the 4 days your working it should all even out and become fairer.

I think it's reasonable to expect dinner cooked and for them to have put a wash on and tidied a bit but not all the other stuff

YABU: you should both be sharing everything 50/50 and I say that as someone who used to do exactly the same hours as you.

I see where you're coming from and no, the other person should not be doing nothing as those are very nice working hours so I would say dinner and a tidy up should be the minimum on your working days, everything else needs to be negotiable and discussed because very few people will willingly do house or garden work and common sense is not a flower that grows in everybody's garden: state your expectations.

I get that your tired but you need to make sure your shifts are manageable I.e 2 on 2 off rather than running yourself into the ground and getting annoyed at someone who is only 50% responsible for the chores.

You're not being taken for a ride, you just need to be clear on expectations and you need to be fair about it, yes you're tired but you're not entitled to sit on your arse and do nothing for 3 whole days whilst your OH works AND does everything else.

I leave for work at 6.30 every day and get home at 8pm, five days a week. DH is retired early after suffering cancer, He has a meal cooked for me every evening when I get in and he does all the shopping, gardening (not every day) and organises repairs etc. We have a cleaner but he does some of that as well. He does this because he loves me, wants to help me and make my life easier.
He certainly doesn't operate on the idea I should do the same as him in the home. It seems to me it would be pretty uncaring for someone to expect a partner coming home exhausted from a long day at work and expect them start cooking and cleaning, when they had done much less and could easily do it themselves.
Those people who are saying long hours do not absolve you of doing housework are wrong. Yes, it's important to share the burdens fairly but that is not happening here. Even more important, relationships are about love and kindness, which seems missing in the OP's set up.

@TrixieMixie the OP's partner works.

Me and my other half do a "five minute Friday tidy" where we tackle all the big jobs when we get in from work on a Friday so we can enjoy the weekend. During the week we just do bits as and when (I do tea whilst he sorts washing out/I wash & he dries etc).

YABU.

I work from home and DP works in a very physically demanding job that’s long hours.

Every morning I wash the dishes from the night before and wipe around the kitchen and sweep the floor. The house is generally tidy and I will also clean the bathroom once a week and maybe hoover the floors. Obviously make the bed in the morning and then wipe around where dirty. I do the food shopping and cook dinners.

DP does the majority of a deep flat clean on the weekends when he is off work, sorts the cat litter tray out, changes the bins and does breakfast in the morning on the weekends.

Garden tidied and floor mopped?! Every day? YABU.

Working from home is irrelevant, as they are or should be working. I'm working from home but have a really busy job. In my lunch break I will hoover, clean floor etc if not walking the dog but it can be a mess again by the time gets home with pets.

I have a solution. Cook the rabbits in a pie. Clears up the mess and gives you a nice tea.

If one person works half as many hours as the other, they should do more of the housework for sure.

Having been in the reverse position (I am the wfh person with more time but considerably less money) I would say the most important thing is to discuss, agree as far as possible, and not let it build into a resentment. We did that, and now have a cleaner as my partner had less time and more money. I was starting to let the resentment get to me, and it wasn’t healthy. Someone else mentioned kindness and I think that’s really important.

Yes the person who works less should do more.
The garden though.....you can't so much in it this time of year when it's turning colder and it's wet so YABU to expect that done as well 🤷‍♀️

I would certainly cook for that person and tidy and clean around the house. Not sure after also working 9-3 that I'd also be doing a Monty Don on the garden as well though - maybe do it together at the weekends?

This is a similar set up to myself and partner (however we also have a toddler), when I finish work I try to get the bulk done so we can enjoy our weekend and not have to focus on house work. I don't however do the garden, any dishes or the washing. Those are partners share. This works for us ... like grown up adults we discussed it and decided what jobs we would do... have you tried being a grown up adult and doing the same?

We found I hated doing the dishes, he hated cooking so, leave the other to it, I don't mind cleaning our bathrooms but hate sorting washing, he doesn't mind the washing but wouldn't even know how to clean a bathroom. It's all about talking and figuring out what will work.

@ChocolateCherrybomb

Oh, fuck that.

Person A does not owe Person B any of their time to be told what to do with because Person B works more hours in a given day. Person A is not the sodding on the clock employee of Person B who has to justify how they spent their time today.

These sort of number games about "what's fair" are for immature minds. Adults do as they please with their time and efforts, they don't owe it to any other adult unless it's as a result of paid employment.

What would Person B do if Person A died of something sudden and horrible (God forbid)?
Starve to death and live in a shithole at the end of a garden weed forest because "it's not fair" they should lift a finger after work. Or would they get on with it because there'd be nobody left to play the fairness numbers game with.

Person A found the thread then 😂

A meal yes i could see that and a neatish house fair enough but they are still working from home 9-3 so all the chores is not going to be OK in the few hours between them finishing and the other coming home as well as a meal.

Working from home is still working so you have to sort of pretend they aren't there for that period of time as if they were at the office.

I would sit with your partner and make a complete list of all the things that need to get done in the home. Then split the tasks between the two of you. Think about all tasks mental and physical. Then go from there. You will also realise that it may not be to your standard. set a good enough standard.

Your op is unreasonable but I read between the lines and your updates. I think you expect after a long day for a bit of laundry to be done, pots done, tea made or ready to go even if it is just jackets and salad or something simple and maybe half an hour spent on tidying the garden or bathrooms or that cupboard / room that everything gets shoved in. The problem is people have very different expectations / tolerances etc. If you have always done stuff he just might not think of it. I would try to jokingly leave a list of do the pots and make tea then add some extras in. Or just divide jobs up a bit. From now on they are in charge of all shopping and cooking and the garden.

If you’re coming home after a long shift to find mess made and left by the person wfh then that would be seriously annoying.

YANBU to expect the other person to clear up after themselves and leave the house pleasant for you to come home to.

But it sounds like you’re expecting your partner to take on the lion’s share of everything? What would you do about cleaning and cooking if you didn’t have a partner?

Reading between the lines i wonder if you don’t feel particularly cared for in your relationship and you are seeing these jobs not being done as evidence of that.

If that’s the case, that’s a deeper issue that needs some open and kind communication between the two of you. Hope you can rectify it.

For me, I'd expect the person wfh, me or them, to do more on the days the other person was working really long hours. Not everything, but keeping things tidy, washing up down, putting on a wash if it was necessary and definitely leaving something in the oven or something like that.
Days when the other person wasn't working, I'd expect us to have a balance in who does what and leave ourselves plenty of time to just be and not spending all the lifelong day doing housework.

If you're the one working the long hours and doing all the work then your partner is taking the piss and should be pulled up on it sharpish.

I also think your expectations are pretty high. A meal of some sort and a reasonably clean house yes. Are you expecting that they spend the equivalent hours that you are out of the house cleaning the kitchen, bathroom, floors, doing the gardening...daily? Do you have shared finances? Do they have other unpaid commitments on their time? Unless your partner is trashing the place, maybe just sit down and talk it through. Be kind to each other. That goes a long way.
I think I would find living with you really stressful and i keep a fairly tidy, uncluttered home, work 30 hours a week and am a single parent.

Depends on whether you share your cash with other person. If not then NO they shouldn't be doing all that stuff. You decide to go and do all that extra work you still have YOUR home to clean. Your life your choice... If you don't like it go elsewhere.

You lost me at house rabbits OP