Page 4 | That if you work from home

newnameforthis123 · 13/10/2020 17:41

What the hell is going on in the garden to need that much work doing every day?!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 13/10/2020 17:42

With two adults at home and no children, how messy can the house actually get?

I was thinking this, too.

Surely any bathroom splashes etc get wiped up by the person who made them - ditto kitchen crumbs.

Other stuff can be shared.

Food - well, if I was out of the house for umpteen hours I'd expect a meal ready - and if my DH was, I'd have one ready for him.

Have you thought of investing in a slow-cooker and your other half can set something away after you leave on a morning, and it's ready whenever you need it when you get back - maybe 20 mins extra for a couple of extra veg/pud?

ILiveInSalemsLot · 13/10/2020 17:44

How many hours a week do you each work?
I would expect the 9-3 person to sort out dinner, keep the kitchen and living areas fairly tidy and do some shopping. The rest like bathroom, gardening and laundry can be shared out if you both work similar number of hours over the week.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/10/2020 17:48

@AnneLovesGilbert

OP doesn’t say they need the money. Or that finances are shared.

50 hours a week to try and bring some more money in well I guess it's how you interpret that comment. You might be right and op might just be doing it to bump up her personal savings but at this point were both making assumptions

Original poster

forfoxsakee · 13/10/2020 17:50

They used to work full time 9-4 outside the home but workload has reduced due to working from home since March due to Covid. It just seems like in the 6 months working from home nothing in the house has got done.

OP posts:

picosandsancerre · 13/10/2020 17:51

It sounds like your working alot of hours and still picking up most of the household chores, hence your frustrated. Sounds like the OH here isnt pulling there weight. So yes I think you have a right to be angry and frustrated. I wouldnt be coming home after long days and cooking for another person and tidying up the house. One would have to assume if you have been out all day the mess in the house isnt of your making.

Gwenhwyfar · 13/10/2020 17:52

"The person finishing work at 3 could easily then do 2 hours housework, in which they would get loads done, with no DCs."

Why would they need to do 2 hours housework a day? That's about the amount you do a week if you don't have children (not including meal prep).

Original poster

forfoxsakee · 13/10/2020 17:53

We do have house rabbits that make a bit of mess that were entirely my responsibility when we both used to work outside of the house. This generally means floors need cleaning and carpets hoovering every day.

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 13/10/2020 17:55

Well you both work full time

You over 4 days, 'them' over 5.

You've BOTH got plenty of time off to do the minimal amount of stuff at weekends that needs doing

Id be quite sure if I were you that nothing is being done while you're out

Gwenhwyfar · 13/10/2020 17:56

"This generally means floors need cleaning and carpets hoovering every day."

!

I hope the rabbits are worth it!

SleepingStandingUp · 13/10/2020 18:00

Well you both work full time confused
27 vs 50 is hardly the same

GrumpiestCat · 13/10/2020 18:01

At the (literal) end of the day in this house we're aiming at clean people with teeth scrubbed, no washing up, bin bag taken out, no bathwater in bath or towels on floor, a load of washing through maybe... Basically a tidy house but not a "cleaned" house. Not mopping floors or "cleaning" bathrooms, no dicking about in the garden or owt like that. That's with two kids and just me.

If I was with a partner I still wouldn't be getting the mop or grass mower out every evening. I'd definitely leave a portion of whatever I had made for dinner for them though I think.

People have different ideas of what the end of the evening looks like.
Sounds like you have higher standards in general - I'd find that irritating if I was doing my best and getting nagged although like I say I think a tidy house is a bare minimum and I'm not sure you're getting that even! Long shifts are the worst so I do sympathise. Hope you can have a chat and work things out so you're less under the cosh in your downtime.

vanillandhoney · 13/10/2020 18:04

@forfoxsakee

We do have house rabbits that make a bit of mess that were entirely my responsibility when we both used to work outside of the house. This generally means floors need cleaning and carpets hoovering every day.

Are they your rabbits or joint rabbits?

GrumpiestCat · 13/10/2020 18:05

Maybe get laminate for the areas where the rabbits are - carpet and animals can be a pain. But then again, rabbits aren't that hairy and can't shed that much over a 24 hour period surely?

Standrewsschool · 13/10/2020 18:05

Yes, the wfh person should do more tidying etc, but they are not a slave to non-wfh demands. Yes to a clean and tidy house, and a meal prepared which other person can heat up.

However, a deep clean doesn’t need doing every day.

It sounds like you. Have different expectations on cleaning and tidying. A think you need to work out a happy medium.

twobrews · 13/10/2020 18:06

When I worked 9-3, DH would leave at 5:30 or 6 and return around 8.
I got the kids up and out for school, picked them up, and took care of all school related crap,
99% of the housework,
all the laundry,
all the cooking and planning of meals,
all decorating
all the family stuff organising birthdays, dentist, Christmas etc

DH
Moved the lawn,
Got the shopping (from the list I made)
Took DC to a club at the weekend,
Emptied the dishwasher in the morning and put his own dishes in after dinner,
Cleaned the windows outside( twice a year)
Organised trade for any repairs/work that needed doing.

We both acknowledged it was shit, I was miserable and that's why I'm now a SAHM.

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/10/2020 18:08

@forfoxsakee

9-3 and you live with another person who does 13 hour shifts and leaves at half 6 in the morning and gets home at 9 at night that you take on most of the household stuff? E.g when the person comes home they should come home at night to a clean and tidy house, bathroom cleaned/kitchen cleaned/garden tidied and a meal cooked? There are no children in the home.

If my partner was out of the house from 06.30 to 21.00 then yes, I would have a meal waiting for them on their working days. But you didn't say they were partner, just that you live with them; I would not do that for a flatmate.

"Clean and tidy house"? Every adult tidies up after themselves, but yes I would do the day-to-day cleaning. The deeper stuff I would still expect to share on your three non-working days. And if the living room is strewn with your belongings, they'd be left for you to deal with as you wished.

"Bathroom cleaned/kitchen cleaned/garden tidied"? Bathroom and kitchen would be tidy and under control, but not hotel-level clean - that would be shared.

And are you kidding with the 'garden tidied'? If you are out of the house those hours, are you even seeing the garden? Yes, if the garden is decorated with abandoned fridges I might take it upon myself to hire a skip, but filling said skip would be a joint enterprise on your 3 days off.

But, this seems to me to be the point of your thread:

"I still end up doing most of the housework which is why I'm wondering if I'm being taken for a ride or not."
If you're working 50 hours each week (plus 6 hours commuting) versus their 30 hours with no commute, then no, you should NOT be doing most of the housework - but you should still be doing a fair share. What constitutes a fair share should be talked out with your partner/flatmate (and their relationship to you will obviously affect that).

BoomBoomsCousin · 13/10/2020 18:10

If you're working 50 hours to their 30 (and I'm assuming you're living together as in partners with shared expenses not just house mates) then you should be doing significantly less of the housework and being left to do most of it is definitely unreasonable. But it's also not unreasonable fo them to have somewhat different standards and desire for a different schedule which may need a bit of negotiation and compromise.

If the rabbits are your rabbits that you wanted then, in my book, they and all their care and clearing up after them is yours. If they were equally wanted (not just tolerated for your sake) by partner then should be split.

VettiyaIruken · 13/10/2020 18:12

Both are equally responsible for general household and each are responsible for their personal mess.

The one who does fewer paid hours should do more of the household stuff. General household, not picking up the others pants and scrubbing their skidmarks off the loo.

The aim imo should be an equal split of hours working and hours free. Roughly. I'm not suggesting timesheets.

Couchbettato · 13/10/2020 18:13

Slow cookers/pressure cookers are a lifesaver. Robot vacuums are fantastic, can be set on a timer and can do multiple runs. Put a waste bin in every room if you make lots of waste.

All of these things just make tidying easier for every one, and will probably cut back on bickering about who should do what.

Everything else you've listed like cleaning bathroom and garden is just a bit extra. I wouldn't bloody do it daily. There's more to life than cleaning.

MessAllOver · 13/10/2020 18:15

Absolutely. If no children and one person is working less than half the time the other is working, of course that person should be doing most of the cooking and housework on shift days...On days off/weekends, chores should be shared.

Oh wait... They have a penis! No, I'm afraid YABU... Can't expect the menz to manage to live up to your high standards as opposed to flop on the sofa for 6 hours waiting for you to come home at 9pm and cook dinner, mop the kitchen floor and iron their shirts. They do say a woman's work is never done .

Suzi888 · 13/10/2020 18:17

YANBU to a degree - the garden is a bit of a stretch though!

Inertia · 13/10/2020 18:18

Depends what you mean by kitchen / bathroom cleaned.

I'd expect the person WFH to have cleaned up after themselves after work- washed up, surfaces clean, spillages cleared up, table clean and ready to use. I wouldn't expect them to clean the fridge / oven every day, or hoover and mop the floor every day unless things had been spilled or trodden in.

Same with the bathroom- I would expect anyone to clean up their own mess as they went along, but wouldn't expect a deep clean and towels washed every day (but then everyone has their own towels in our house).

Garden isn't an everyday job.

Standrewsschool · 13/10/2020 18:21

Tharts a good point, is the second partner a flat mate or partner? If flatmate, then you don’t have any say on how they spend their time. Yes, it would be nice to have communal areas clean and tidy, but if they like mess, that’s their lookout.

SonjaMorgan · 13/10/2020 18:22

It would depend on how finances were split. If I were working more hours and the extra pay wasn't being put into the joint pot then I wouldnt expect my DH to run around after me.