That if you work from home

[forfoxsakee]

9-3 and you live with another person who does 13 hour shifts and leaves at half 6 in the morning and gets home at 9 at night that you take on most of the household stuff? E.g when the person comes home they should come home at night to a clean and tidy house, bathroom cleaned/kitchen cleaned/garden tidied and a meal cooked? There are no children in the home.

You think the garden ought to be done every day? OTT.

I think its reasonable for the person coming home late to have a meal cooked and some tidying to have been done but don't see that they have to take on the entire household burden.

You don't mention laundry, grocery shopping, finances, or general organising - insurance etc.

Plus all the endless little jobs that are generally invisible to the housework avoiders like washing the curtains or cleaning filters in appliances. Who does all that?

Obviously the shorter hours person should do more, but the long hours person shouldn't get a completely free pass and should also be co-operative to make the WFH's life easier - eg not going to work and leaving mess everywhere, putting their washing in the basket etc.

@forfoxsakee

I've been working long hours doing about 4 days/ 50 hours a week to try and bring some more money in and I'm just tired of coming home to the garden still being a state, floors not mopped and various other bits that are just starting to niggle at me. I'm knackered on my days off tbh and it just feels like I'm getting nothing in return.

With two adults at home and no children, how messy can the house actually get?

Unless you're about to admit you have two huge St Bernards or something, then surely mopping floors and doing the garden aren't daily jobs?

Have you always done the majority of the housework?

9-3 person might decide to seek a better life elsewhere unless they like being an unpaid house keeper.

You think the garden ought to be done every day? OTT

Same for floors mopping. Unless you have a hoard of dirty pets, even weekly is overkill. Our kitchen and utility floor hardly ever gets mopped, just vacuumed and it doesn't look dirty.

Plus gardening is weather dependent, our grass hasn't been dry enough to cut for weeks.

What’s happening on the garden every day that it’s in a state?

I work long hours/shifts and DP works from home, so similar-ish set up. We share the housework more or less equally. I wouldn’t expect to come home late and then be doing loads of housework or cooking dinner but equally, I wouldn’t expect to come home to a totally spotless house. In practice he’ll pick up the slack when I’m working late, and I’ll do a bit extra when I’m at home. We also have a cleaner once a fortnight, and relatively lax standards so that helps.

I think that's quite a long list TBH.

Though I agree that dinner and a basic tidy would be a nice to arrive back to after a long shift.

This is similar to my set up. Difference is do 9-5 at home, is often 9-6 or 9-7. Plus the odd 1-9 at the weekend. My fiancé works 3 or 4 days a week doing 12.5 hour shifts. On the days lm working and he’s not, then he does dinner. Overall l do more hours even though my working days are typically shorter. Technically we do 50/50 but often creeps to 55/45 NOT in my favour

With your updates it sounds like the issue is that he isn’t pulling his weight in general, not so much the shifts/working from home thing.

I think it's fair that say the house is tidied up a bit, washing up done and a bit of laundry. And cooking dinner if you're back dead late. But that includes you on your days off too. I don't think you should get to do nothing of the above all week because you work some extra hours.

But I think bigger stuff like garden tidying, actual cleaning, floor mopping etc... Should be shared at weekends or other times.

I'd honestly laugh at my husband if he said he expected the garden tidied, a clean bathroom and a meal on the table every time he came home....and then tell him to fuck off

I'm going to go against the grain here. The person finishing work at 3 could easily then do 2 hours housework, in which they would get loads done, with no DCs.

So is what you are really saying is that on top of having a job you are expected to do all the housework as well?

Or is it that you and your partner have different ideas about how clean and tidy a house/garden need to be?

My DH is out of the house for 12 hours. Work plus driving.

I wfh.

I do 100% of the housework on a weekday and we share it 50 50 on a weekend.

I do make dinner most nights except the weekend. He does the dishes if I cook and vice Versa.

I don't mind doing this. He will help without being asked through the week if he comes in and I'm still doing stuff round the house. He knows I can't relax till the house is tidy.

Only caveats are I won't iron his shirts and he won't walk the dog or do the cat litter.
I can't bear ironing and will avoid wherever possible and he heaves picking up warm poo!

Oh, fuck that.

Person A does not owe Person B any of their time to be told what to do with because Person B works more hours in a given day. Person A is not the sodding on the clock employee of Person B who has to justify how they spent their time today.

These sort of number games about "what's fair" are for immature minds. Adults do as they please with their time and efforts, they don't owe it to any other adult unless it's as a result of paid employment.

What would Person B do if Person A died of something sudden and horrible (God forbid)?
Starve to death and live in a shithole at the end of a garden weed forest because "it's not fair" they should lift a finger after work. Or would they get on with it because there'd be nobody left to play the fairness numbers game with.

@Lucindainthesky

I'm going to go against the grain here. The person finishing work at 3 could easily then do 2 hours housework, in which they would get loads done, with no DCs.

Why would they need to do 2 hours of housework every single day? Unless they live with a whole pack of dogs and cats, that's just overkill and smacks of "I have to work so why should you get to relax?!"

The person who does less hours has the time to take on a bit extra, but it sounds like you are talking about a house keeper, not a partner who is also working.

Well, if it saves the person working for money for the household having to do it in their fewer hours off then yes, the person practically working part time in the home should do more.

You want the garden tidied I anticipation of your return home from work each day?

Who wouldn't want to come home to a nicely trimmed bush after a long, hard shift?

You do a deep clean on the weekend together, or the person with the weekend off does some and the person who does shifts does the other half when they’re off.
You both clean after yourselves. On weekdays you split cooking.

You cannot expect the person WFH to do a massive clean, cook and sorting it the garden on their own. Just as you’re tired after your work they’ll be tired too.

9-3 person might decide to seek a better life elsewhere unless they like being an unpaid house keeper.

This. No children and you’ve got 3 days off a week. Just talk to your partner about it and find a middle ground.

You have three days a week off work — surely enough time to do a couple of hours' gardening and another couple of hours cleaning?