That if you work from home

[forfoxsakee]

9-3 and you live with another person who does 13 hour shifts and leaves at half 6 in the morning and gets home at 9 at night that you take on most of the household stuff? E.g when the person comes home they should come home at night to a clean and tidy house, bathroom cleaned/kitchen cleaned/garden tidied and a meal cooked? There are no children in the home.

The person at home should do the cooking and general cleaning up. The one working the longer hours should help on their days off.

@forfoxsakee

9-3 and you live with another person who does 13 hour shifts and leaves at half 6 in the morning and gets home at 9 at night that you take on most of the household stuff? E.g when the person comes home they should come home at night to a clean and tidy house, bathroom cleaned/kitchen cleaned/garden tidied and a meal cooked? There are no children in the home.

Just because someone works longer doesn’t mean their workload is higher too. Also, there shouldn’t be loads of cleaning and tidying with two adults and they can always do better meal plans. Just because one person chooses to work long hours (choice of profession included), the other person shouldn’t be putting up with this sort of entitlement. For a few days may be. A permanent situation? No way.

2 adults and no children, with one of the adults out of the house for 14 hours a day, means the house should need very little cleaning and tidying.

The person working 9-3 should do half an hour of housework each day, and that would keep on top of it.

Each sort your own meals out, I have something like an omelette and beans when DH is working late. I don't cook a meal to be waiting for his return.

I wfh partner is out of the house for 12 to 14 hours I take on the houswork and cooking and he deals with the garden and fireplace and the car when he's off

Until recently I was working from home and finishing anywhere between 2-4. I generally did all the dinners but if I'd had a bad day or just couldn't be bothered DP who leaves at 7 gets back at 7.30 would certainly not have complained and helped me quickly throw something together. The house is tidy because working from home doesn't make much mess and we have a cleaner so no change there. It sounds like you're expecting an awful lot despite less hours being expected to do absolutely everything can wear you down.

I think everyone who lives in a house should be responsible for keeping it tidy. I am home more than the rest of the family so I do more housework, but I am NOT anybody's maid.

Regarding the meal, I would say that the person finishing at 3 should probably cook it, as it just makes sense for them to do that, so it's ready for the one finishing at 7, rather than them having to come home and cook and everyone eating really late.

It is easier for the person at home more to get more things done in the hours between finishing and their partner finishing, but that's not to say they don't have to do anything just because they work more hours. Do the garden together at the weekend for example, or they can wash up after dinner if you cooked.

At the end of the day it's a partnership, and it's about finding a compromise with who does what. There's no one solution that fits all families, but you need to find one you're both happy with or it will just cause resentment in the long term.

Yab a bit unreasonable. But, the person working 9-3 needs to do a bit more, it takes very little time to tidy a small house (is this the case) if only 2 are in it and one of them is out 12 hours. If my partner was doing long shifts I’d certainly have a tidy enough house and a hot meal on the go.
The garden, nope.

@Lucindainthesky

I'm going to go against the grain here. The person finishing work at 3 could easily then do 2 hours housework, in which they would get loads done, with no DCs.

Two hours a day - so 10 hours a week cleaning? Plus, have they really finished at 3pm, or do they need to do more work after hours eg teacher?

I see your point to some extent OP but how you divide finances comes into it for me. If you split all costs 50/50 and keep your own wages separate, then to me that’s different to if you’re working mad hours to fund more of the household costs while the other person works more limited hours so earns less and pays for less of the shared costs.

I don’t mean that people who earn less should act as some kind of housekeeper to make up for it, but if they earn less because they don’t work full time and money is pooled then I think they should use that time to make more of a contribution in other ways.

It’s hard to judge who I agree with in this scenario without more of that context.

Does 9-3 person work five days a week?

Is he gaming using his downtime for anything else?

The garden? What are you expecting to be done at this time of the year? Surely you are not expecting manicured lawns and colorful flower beds? Leaves need to be raked once a week. It’s often too wet to mow. A bit of trimming in preparation for winter. Are you using the garden at the end of your 13-hour shifts? Does it matter what it looks like?

If I was WFH in this situation I'd expect to be in charge of getting the little things done i.e. load of washing, washing up, sides cleaned. You can jog right on though if you think I'm getting the secateurs out and attacking the garden just because you don't like it.

Os there a reason your partner only works 25-28 hours but you're having to work 50 for the money?

clean and tidy house on the 4 days yes, I'd assume they'd pick up the mess, throw a hoover round of necessary assuming you aren't coming down, dumping your mess then going out to work and expecting them to pick up after you
bathroom cleaned/kitchen cleaned on the days you work / you should both be tidying up after yourself anyway
garden tidied that can surely be shared between you on your mutual off days?
a meal cooked yes on your work days but if expect you to do two dinners a week

Sounds like you need to have a sit down and a calm conversation about this.

And try not to use the word "should", it's very loaded.

My friend does 12 hour shifts plus commute, 3 days a week.

She comes home to a wfh husband and two kids and gets a hot meal, a fairly tidy house and can relax.

On her days off she tackles chores and they have a cleaner so that the weekends are family time if she is not on call.

I think it is fair to have the wfh partner to do a bit more as they don’t commute and also live there. But I wouldn’t expect them to clean each day. Tidying up is normal, cooking as well in my opinion.

Nope. This is a couple not a servant who has sex with the 'master/mistress.

person working from home doesnt have a commute. Therefore they should take on slightly more, like cooking a meal. Expecting them to do everything, however, is way out of line.

How messy does the house get each day? Do you have pets who make a mess?

When there is just me and my husband there is very little housework to do each day, certainly not floor washing everyday.

It isn't just the WFH thing though

One partner is part time, no kids so not childcare related. The other is working 50+ hours because they need the money

My husband works 4 days to my 5. He’s not my housekeeper and personal chef on the 5th day. Sure, he’s more likely to offer to cook on that 5th day - but he doesn’t have to.

Depends how many days the other person works. I'd go with cleaning up after yourselves and tackling big jobs together on days off

Tidying, yes. Two adults, one out the house all day, should just be the person at home tidying up after themselves.

Possibly a wash put on as well.

Meal cooked? If they’re getting in at 9 that depends. If I’m the one at home I wouldn’t want to be waiting that late. If I’ve done something to eat earlier that can provide an extra portion to reheat later- slow cooker, spag bol etc, then yes. If I’ve not been arsed to cook and had cereal then no. Whoever shops can get some freezer meals in.

Garden can do what it likes. You can’t garden in the winter after 3 anyway. Get a gardener or do it on a weekend.

@SleepingStandingUp

It isn't just the WFH thing though

One partner is part time, no kids so not childcare related. The other is working 50+ hours because they need the money

There are plenty of reasons for working part-time that don't involve childcare, though. Physical or mental health issues, caring roles or responsibilities, volunteer work, studying, animals - all of those are perfectly valid reasons for people not to work full-time hours.

Unless OP comes back to elaborate, it's not fair to judge.

OP doesn’t say they need the money. Or that finances are shared.