To ask what they didn't tell you about pregnancy/child birth?

[PossiblyPattio]

I'm long past the age of being able to have a baby but i'm hoping that a thread to share our experiences could be helpful

I only have one DD and I remember being scared as shit when Lochia happened!! Nobody told me it would happen and I thought I was going to die

@Chickenfingers

How painful an 'internal examination' would be when checking for dilation. Omg 😭😭

Yep, this was the most painful bit of my entire labour

Trying to get a finger in a cervix that isn’t dilated is not an easy thing

This may sound weird but also reassuring to any pregnant women but reading this thread is making me want to experience it all again. Despite all the awful things that come with it I'd still do it again tomorrow if I could

well, i've only just found out about the bishop score from reading this thread and given that I've no idea why they tried to induce me! (i had an emergency c-section after failing to progress after 3 days of attempted induction!).

I have also only just learned the link between pcos and breastfeeding, however, i didn't know i had PCOS before my first (who got re-admitted due to huge weight loss)

it is not a bad thing to need or have a c-section. c-section is not the "lazy" or "easy" way. Recovery is hard.

post natal is awful, avoid it if you can.

Honestly, people avoided telling me about the "less nice" bits of childbirth. I really thought that everybody went into labour naturally, had the whole call in at 3 contractions per 10 minutes experience. It wasn't until nearer the end I found out that induction is really common.

Every orifice will be closely scrutinised, poked and prodded by every nurse, midwife and doctor in the entire hospital often all at the same time and as an added bonus they might even pull the curtains or shut the door. Oh, I might be exaggerating, I don't think anyone looked in my ears.

I haven't rtft but in case no one has mentioned it...

You can get tested for strep b infection in pregnancy. If you have it, you can be treated with antibiotics but if you have it and it passes to your baby it can cause harm (infection or worse). I had no idea about this until it was suspected my newborn had it (he didn't in the end). It was agonising to know a simple test could have been carried out and the guilt was immeasurable at the time.

@CaptainLugwash

Every orifice will be closely scrutinised, poked and prodded by every nurse, midwife and doctor in the entire hospital often all at the same time and as an added bonus they might even pull the curtains or shut the door. Oh, I might be exaggerating, I don't think anyone looked in my ears.

You lucky sod. I got an in-ear thermometer several times. They also did my nose and throat for COVID. I think only my urethra escaped unscathed (well, relatively. Pretty sure I tore it but it wasn't spotted.)

That on finding out I was pregnant with twins I was constantly told by the midwife that I would probably miscarry and that it was just one of those things. It put me in a state of panic for the whole pregnancy which then became full blown pnd post birth. I refused to sleep as I had to watch over the twins at all times in case they stopped breathing.

That I would go full term but that my body couldn’t cope with the weight of the twins so I would end up on crutches by 5 months unable to walk properly due to severe spd

That I would have to fight the consultant tooth and nail for a c-section and that on my notes I was branded hysterical.

That I would be violently sick after coming up from recovery due to shock.

That no matter how hard I tried I could not breastfeed. I remember it being the middle of the night after they had been born, I was delirious with pain and was being shouted at by the midwife for not breastfeeding.

That the following morning I got out of bed and was given a plastic jug to take to the shower and wee in. No one explained I would basically piss blood and I thought I was dying

That the aftercare is absolutely fucking horrendous and was the worst four days I have ever spent in hospital. I have never felt so belittled and not listened too.

That it would take me 3-4 years to come to terms with the pregnancy/birth and aftercare and accept that I did the best I could.

That the actual c-section itself was fantastic, with an amazing surgical team.

@FourPlasticRings 😂 oh thanks! I've never felt lucky before!

My urethra nearly escaped but only because nobody could find it, I had to show them.

Nobody told me that it's possible to feel physically stronger a few months after giving birth. I felt like shit for a year after the first (sleep deprivation). Now, 10 months after the second, I'm stronger and more energetic than ever before. I slowly exercised myself back to fitness (a lockdown bonus). Your body can recover well and have another baby, or not. It's great to feel strong again.

Def the hair loss. I'm 4.5 months pp and still suffering!

Oh and how bloody amazing my home birth was compared to my two previous hospital births A hugely empowering experience.

That it's not rainbows and butterflies when you're in a clinical setting and things go wrong, you better put your faith in the medical and midwifery profession doing what they do best rather than the fluff sold by those not actually qualified and trained in saving your life when things go wrong.

That you may have severe swelling and injuries, not be able to sit or stand or walk comfortably for months and still have to look after a brand new tiny person who is 100% dependent on you. 24/7.

That said, I do love being a mum.

That during childbirth you won't care about who sees you naked or strolling around completely starkers.

Pregnancy - the constipation. The stuff of nightmares. Had many a night trapped on the toilet at 2am feeling like I was giving birth

That the midwifes would only check how dilated you are every 6 hours. Then would have you pushing for an hour telling you the baby is coming before checking to find out you are 4cm. Also this could happen the first and second time giving birth!

That your vaginal walls can be bulging inwards for up to a year or slightly longer, but that this doesn't necessarily mean that you have a prolapse. I had something that felt like a rectocele which gave me trouble when pooing but it went away by itself after 12-13 months. I had resigned myself to living with it, so that was a pleasant surprise!

Also, that if your partner isn't there with you in the hospital, there is absolutely no help for you whatsoever, with anything. You even have to go fetch your own food and try to find a way to do this with your newborn. It's barbaric in my opinion and I don't understand how anyone can argue against partners being allowed on wards.

The second time, I chose a hospital based on their policy regarding partners staying over and it was probably the one thing that made the most difference to my experience.

You can be having regular contractions every 3/4 minutes for literally days and still not be dilated more than 2cm

Diamorphine can make you really sick. I vomited at least every 20 mins for 4 hours until it wore off. The midwife tried to get someone to come and prescribe a stronger anti emetic but nobody was available. I was so dehydrated I drank about 20 cups of sweet tea afterwards.

Tears don’t necessarily hurt. After baby number two the midwife told me I had a lot of grazes which (according to my notes) was actually a labial year, perineal tear and urethral tear. I expected it to really hurt, especially where the labial tear was stitched, but there was nothing more than mild stinging.

Carpal tunnel syndrome. The pain!

That you can be sick during labour from the adrenaline/pain

Having a wee after for about the first week after was just horrendous due to the stinging

You'd have a really sore urethra! From the catheter I'm guessing

I also agree with a pp who mentioned the smell from the relentless bleeding, it's pretty rank

The horrific fear of having a Poo after a C section and how absolutely horrific the journey home from the hospital would be after surgery!

Also no one blooming told me my hair would start falling out when he was 3 months old 😂

That it would be such a fight to get painkillers after my section. Paracetamol fucking didn't cut it and I had to fight for my dihydrocodeine. The second time around I would ask for painkillers every four hours and was asked why??? The pain the first time contributed to what I now know was pnd.

That two hours after my section I would be expected to care for my baby on my own, although I couldn't move and had a catheter in.

That I would feel so teary three days after birth.

That you aren't routinely given pain relief after a c-section and should bring your own into hospital.

The first poo?!?! Scarier than birth itself. Was sure I’d rip my stitches. Made DH sit outside the door whilst I cried and freaked out on the loo. Just incase my vagina fell out and he had to call an ambulance.

I'm currently pregnant with my first. I'm reading this thread in horror but I genuinely just howled out loud at this. I think I need my poor DP to read this thread to prepare him for how bad this all is

Not read all but read some and not seen this one! but the fact no one tells you the pains you get after having your second child is like you are still having contractions for days after!!

That sometimes pregnancy can really mess with your teeth. Perfect teeth pre ds 2 🙄