DH wants to break rule of 6

[Glamflimfloogety]

So DH, BIL and their cousin want to meet up at the weekend in cousins flat. If we all go there will be 10 of us there (6 adults, 1 newborn, a 5yo and 2 teenagers).

I've told DH I don't want to go as I don't want to break the rules, but I won't prevent him and DS from going.

DH is now giving me the silent treatment because I've scuppered the plans. Apparently it looks weird if I don't go (DH and his family are Indian I'm not, they're big on whole family doing everything together - spouses sitting it out isn't really accepted).

DH hasn't spoken to me since Sunday over this, the only time he did speak to me was to state that I'm just being difficult, the guidelines are bollocks (most of the people are kids and shouldn't count - we're in England so they definitely DO count) and I'm making his life difficult by refusing to go.

My point is that regardless of whether I personally agree with them, the rules are the rules. In fact they are now law, and I don't really fancy breaking the law to see them. I wouldn't do the same for my own family (I have already had the discussion with my mum about Christmas, and we've made a plan that means me and my brother won't be at hers on the same day this year, as it pushes us over 6). I'm not comfortable doing it, and I feel I shouldn't be pushed into it. Likewise I am not preventing DH and DS from going.

AIBU? As I'm sure as hell being made to feel I am.

So as not to drip feed, I have suggested meeting BIL, SIL & newborn separately as this would be a group of 6... I'd still have to drop out of meeting cousin, wife and kids though as they are a household of 4 and we are 3.

Even in Scotland some of the kids would count as its only under 12s that wouldn't be included.
Although I'm in Scotland and not allowed to meet indoors anyway so I wouldn't have gone for that reason
Yanbu

Forgot to mention - We're not currently in a local lockdown area, so there's no restrictions on us meeting as a group of 6 in a home

I’m really torn on this. Because technically, yes, rule of 6 blah blah blah (and I’m sticking with it)

But on the other hand, Boris and the team have shown themselves to be so bloody arrogant and useless that I’m also rather bored of officially sticking to the rules when even our great leaders don’t

I’m sticking to the rules myself so far but do have some sympathy for those breaking the rules in a small way like this. Ie, does a newborn really need to count as one person?

You’re not being unreasonable. Whether or not you think the guidelines are bollocks (up for debate) you can be fined for breaking this particular guideline at the moment and a group of 10 in a flat may well attract attention.

Even if you disregarded the baby and 5yo (which you shouldn't, in England) it's still 8 and so I'm with you. Too many people, three households. YANBU

I think your DH could come up with a creative excuse to go without you. I get why it feels so bad from his POV, but it still needn't be insuperable

I’ve stuck to the rules too so wouldn’t be happy either

@ShirleyPhallus

I don't understand the logic behind the rules, and don't know if they make a blind bit of difference. However, I'm not comfortable breaking them, and I would expect my DH to respect that. I'm not telling him he can't break them as he's an adult and can make that decision for himself.

Regardless of how you feel about the rules, AIBU to expect my DH to respect my wish not to break them?

@AllPowerfulLizardPerson

Thank you - I suggested just saying I'm unwell and couldn't make it. But that would embarrass I'm terribly I guess

YANBU at all. Indoor family gatherings are one of the highest risk situations for spreading Covid-19. And as you say, your DH should not be sulking because you refuse to break the law. He is in the wrong.

YANBU.

I don't actually agree with England's version of rule of 6 (I do think small children should be excluded, given the evidence) but ignoring that, I think he should respect your wishes. I would guess if you don't go, but he does go and take the children, he'd be obliged to do more work (food, childcare) than he would if you went, hence his irritation.

Yanbu, it's so difficult at the moment some people seem to stick to the rules some don't.

OH ex had a kids party at the weekend with mixed household despite us being liverpool

Yanbu. Your dh is asking you to break the law. To put everyone you are in contact with at greater risk. He's showing no respect for your concerns or wishes. And for what? What some random other people think. You aren't trying to stop him. But he thinks other people's opinions ( and his ego) are more important than yours.

He's an inconsiderate arse. And not the brightest knife in the box either.

@cakewench

You may have hit the nail on the head. Usually at these gatherings the men disappear to have their own little whiskey and smoking club on the balcony

A crucial point you haven’t mentioned....how big is the flat? Can you all stay 2 metres apart from those you don’t live with? (Just to offer another reason to your DH on why it’s not a good idea!)

Out of curiosity
How well do you get on with your BIL and the cousin?

Don't do it. If everyone thinks like your DH, we'll be even further up shit creek. It's especially stupid since they belong to a higher-risk group.

I would be happy to go but it is your call of course...

YANBU. If everyone stuck to the rules we would be in a better position than we are now. Too many people think the rules don't apply to them obviously.

Apparently it looks weird if I don't go (DH and his family are Indian I'm not, they're big on whole family doing everything together - spouses sitting it out isn't really accepted).

Sadly it's these cultural norms that are sending the rate sky high in some areas of the country. I've spent most of my working life in such an area, and there's lots about the culture of family and hospitality that I really like and admire. I've been on the receiving end of being absorbed into it many times, and loved it.
But seriously, and I understand how hard it is to let go of a way of life, your husband and his family need to recognise that what they're doing is adding to the problem.

If there were going to be seven of you I'd think nothing of it, but ten? No, I'd stick to my guns.

@MissPoldark

The flat is tiny. No chance of distancing. But even if it was big enough no distancing would be happening.

@Sodamncold
We all get along fine, I usually enjoy these get togethers. It's nice to see everyone, but I'm just not comfortable with that many people. I have suggested meeting BIL, SIL and the newborn separately as that is within the rules (we'd be 6). I'd still have to drop out of seeing cousin though as their household is 4 and we're 3)

You’re not being unreasonable, I wouldn’t do it either.I absolutely wouldn’t be taking a newborn baby with zero immune system either, but that’s their choice.

If your DH is happy to break the rule of 6 I assume you also don't bother with other precautions like remaining 2m apart and having doors and windows open for ventilation.

In that type of setting if any of the 10 are contagious with Covid you need to accept that you will probably all catch it from them.

Personally I'm not happy to mix in an indoor setting with no distancing with any number of people, even less than 6. I would refuse to go and I wouldn't want my children going either.

@Abouttimemum

Neither would I. Ironically BIL and SIL are a doctor and a nurse, you'd think they more than anyone else would be a bit more cautious!

Hmmm, this is why over 75% of transmissions are happening in homes.

Being indoors around other people is an extremely high risk thing to do, and there’s no reason for this gathering, don’t allow your husband to perform abusers tactics on you, if he continues to stonewall you, tell him to remove himself from the house until he can behave decently. And to also shove his wee party up his arse.