DH wants to break rule of 6

[Glamflimfloogety]

So DH, BIL and their cousin want to meet up at the weekend in cousins flat. If we all go there will be 10 of us there (6 adults, 1 newborn, a 5yo and 2 teenagers).

I've told DH I don't want to go as I don't want to break the rules, but I won't prevent him and DS from going.

DH is now giving me the silent treatment because I've scuppered the plans. Apparently it looks weird if I don't go (DH and his family are Indian I'm not, they're big on whole family doing everything together - spouses sitting it out isn't really accepted).

DH hasn't spoken to me since Sunday over this, the only time he did speak to me was to state that I'm just being difficult, the guidelines are bollocks (most of the people are kids and shouldn't count - we're in England so they definitely DO count) and I'm making his life difficult by refusing to go.

My point is that regardless of whether I personally agree with them, the rules are the rules. In fact they are now law, and I don't really fancy breaking the law to see them. I wouldn't do the same for my own family (I have already had the discussion with my mum about Christmas, and we've made a plan that means me and my brother won't be at hers on the same day this year, as it pushes us over 6). I'm not comfortable doing it, and I feel I shouldn't be pushed into it. Likewise I am not preventing DH and DS from going.

AIBU? As I'm sure as hell being made to feel I am.

So as not to drip feed, I have suggested meeting BIL, SIL & newborn separately as this would be a group of 6... I'd still have to drop out of meeting cousin, wife and kids though as they are a household of 4 and we are 3.

The whole rules thing isn't helped by the lies and nonsense coming from the government......however, the spirit of it is, don't have lots of people together indoors. Fair enough.
Surely the rest of the family must be aware of this?

Families thinking it 'doesn't count' are exactly the ones doing the spreading.

I wouldn't be having silent treatment, if he wants to be abusive he can do it with a new wife. You're not going and if his family asks why he can tell them you're worried about catching Covid/ you don't feel great/ you don't want to be fined/ you have work commitments.

For me it’s not about the roles OP. Why is your husband making a big deal? Is there some bigger issue?
You can go another time or split the group and go and visit at different times of the day.

A doctor and a nurse? utter despair. What on earth is wrong with these people?

YABU. The rules should make sense if the govt wants people to follow them. People like you, who blindly follow the rules instead of using their own common sense, scare me more than any virus ever will. Makes me wonder what else are you willing to go along with as long as the govt tells you it's "for your own safety"

You are being more than "reasonable" by agreeing to have him back into your home after he's gone out and potentially caught a fatal disease whilst breaking the law. If these people are happy to break the law, then they are probably more likely to have Covid.

I live in an area where there are few cases, and when I see kids out and about in big groups, I don't bat an eyelid. Their choice. What pisses me off, however, is when other people claiming to be cool dudes put other people's health at risk and even try to manipulate them into doing so themselves using peer pressure. It's bullying.

Tell the family exactly why you don't want to go - there may be other people who are being bullied into doing this type of thing, and if you stand up to the pressure it may help them do so too.

@JKRowlingIsMyQueen don't be ridiculous. The government hasn't told her she must force her kids off a cliff or dob in her neighbours to the gestapo. She just wants to not meet in a group more than six due to possible illness/a fine.

People who fear anyone following laws because they see them as 'sheeple' and themselves as some clued up wolf scare me more than sensible members of society.

This behaviour is exactly why its spreading - lots of people of different age groups and households in confined spaces. I despair for those of us who've stuck to the rules since March. You are not being unreasonable for refusing to break the law. Whether people agree with the rules or not they are the rules and you can be fined for breaking them.

I think many would be shocked by the behaviour of some NHS staff tbh though. My next door neighbours are both hospital doctors and there were 6 cars outside their house last weekend and the same again this weekend. No concern at all for Covid spreading or for being fined apparently

Usually at these gatherings the men disappear to have their own little whiskey and smoking club on the balcony

So why don't the men just get together and everyone else stay out of it? What do the other spouses think?

And for those who think children should not count - this one infected 19 relatives. www.chicagotribune.com/coronavirus/ct-cdc-report-family-gathering-local-20201012-7f7i6sosi5ep7dhoq3e2bpgavi-story.html

I’m with you OP, in fact I would keep my DC away too. And tell DH to find somewhere else to be for the required 2 weeks after.

DHs family did something similar a few weeks back, as they were ‘so sad’ at all the family events that were cancelled this year. 18 people in total. DH and I did not go, and he told them exactly what he thought of their stupid plans. They carried on anyway and haven’t spoken to any of us since. It’s made life so much simpler for planning Christmas as a result 😉

Stick to your guns. It’s against the law and morally dubious to boot. Tell DH to grow up or ship out.

This attitude is exactly why the virus is spreading exponentially. Too many people thinking they can safely break the law. Transmission within household groups is one of the main spreaders of Covid. There is no point at all in Boris & co. bringing in measures designed to curb transmission, if people are going to ignore them. We are already back where we started in March. What is so hard to understand? YANBU, not at all.
I can understand that cultural differences make it harder for certain groups to appreciate the necessity for the rules, but everyone needs to make the effort, to contain the spread.

DH hasn't spoken to me since Sunday over this, the only time he did speak to me was to state that I'm just being difficult

This isn't about you, you need to see it from his multi layered point of view, it is about him being embarrassed his wife (you aren't your own person) isn't being obedient to his superior wisdom, doesn't appreciate his bravery in the face of a harmful virus, doesn't realise he making a stand against oppressive rules and you are doing this to him in front of his medical siblings who will tell him they know better when he already feels inferior to them. He is raging because you have the free will to make your own decisions and he can't do anything about it. Your refusal to go also tells his family you believe they are all behaving badly.

You are not wrong, do not apologise for it, and stick to your guns. 10 in a tiny flat is madness. With the rising numbers, incubation period, delay in symptoms and delay in needing hospital admission, there will be many people in a few weeks regretting their decisions to break, or submit to peer pressure to break, the rules now when they or loved ones become ill.

If my dh wanted to go I wouldn't stop him, it would be his choice, but I wouldn't let him back in the house either!!!!

The silent treatment is a recognised form of abuse. You need to nip his behaviour in the bud. It's very damaging.

If he becomes a Scottish MP he can do as he pleases.

Presumably the teens attend secondary schools? So they are already a major transmission risk, to add to all the other risks in what you are doing.

I agree your plan of seeing the families separately is a better one. I'm a rules follower but I think your family of 3 seeing a family of 4 is a relatively benign thing to do. Though presumably the family of 4 has the teens in and I suspect they probably are not that bothered about seeing their adult relatives and 5 year old cousin. So your family could just visit cousin + spouse?

YANBU. Even with 6 people there should be social distancing. So 10 people with no social distancing would be a definite No for me.

Has there been any evidence presented as to why the rule is 6 people yet? Why not 7 or 5? People are more likely to stick to a rule if they understand why it exists. Whereas if it's just a number plucked out of De Piffle's arse, not so much so.

He's being a twat. He should respect your choice not to go, just as you are respecting his.

Whilst the whole Covid situation is a cockup of the highest order, this is why so many cities are approaching an economic lockdown of disastrous proportions. People who should know better thinking the rules don't apply to them.

And your husband, at a personal level, is being as much of a fool as BoJo.

I think people who aren't following the rules because someone else isn't is very silly if not a little thick. If you break the rules and get the virus you aren't affecting the rule breakers you copied in any way. You are the one who will suffer along with your family, potentially.

Your husband giving you the silent treatment because you want to follow the rules, sensibly, is a bigger issue here.

Yanbu

Are they likely to, say, wear masks all the time, when not eating? Open all windows, even if it gets a bit cold?
Keep from hugs and kisses?
Open to letting the teens hang out in a bedroom, and separate smaller groups in kitchen and living room for example?

There are measures that can limit the spread among a group, even if there are 10 people in a small apartment.

YANBU

I’m in Scotland- we can’t have anyone in our houses at all. Rule of six in England already seems ridiculous given what we are living under.