DH wants to break rule of 6

[Glamflimfloogety]

So DH, BIL and their cousin want to meet up at the weekend in cousins flat. If we all go there will be 10 of us there (6 adults, 1 newborn, a 5yo and 2 teenagers).

I've told DH I don't want to go as I don't want to break the rules, but I won't prevent him and DS from going.

DH is now giving me the silent treatment because I've scuppered the plans. Apparently it looks weird if I don't go (DH and his family are Indian I'm not, they're big on whole family doing everything together - spouses sitting it out isn't really accepted).

DH hasn't spoken to me since Sunday over this, the only time he did speak to me was to state that I'm just being difficult, the guidelines are bollocks (most of the people are kids and shouldn't count - we're in England so they definitely DO count) and I'm making his life difficult by refusing to go.

My point is that regardless of whether I personally agree with them, the rules are the rules. In fact they are now law, and I don't really fancy breaking the law to see them. I wouldn't do the same for my own family (I have already had the discussion with my mum about Christmas, and we've made a plan that means me and my brother won't be at hers on the same day this year, as it pushes us over 6). I'm not comfortable doing it, and I feel I shouldn't be pushed into it. Likewise I am not preventing DH and DS from going.

AIBU? As I'm sure as hell being made to feel I am.

So as not to drip feed, I have suggested meeting BIL, SIL & newborn separately as this would be a group of 6... I'd still have to drop out of meeting cousin, wife and kids though as they are a household of 4 and we are 3.

Regardless of the rules and whatever he/you agree with, he should be respecting your decision not to go

I put up with years of silent treatment, I wouldn't now. For that he would be given an ultimatum of acting like an adult or fucking off to his familt permanently

People getting together across households indoors is exactly why the virus is spreading more in some areas than others. YANBU, and why isn't anyone thinking about the newborn!!!

@Pizzaistheanswer

YANBU at all. Indoor family gatherings are one of the highest risk situations for spreading Covid-19. And as you say, your DH should not be sulking because you refuse to break the law. He is in the wrong.

This !

These types of gatherings continuing are going to contribute to the reason we could end up locked down for Xmas !!!

YANBU.

I just don’t understand people’s attitudes.

It’s not that difficult to keep contact to smaller amounts, and not meet up in a tiny flat, is it?

Is your DH happy to pay the fines if or when they are found out? It would be incredibly silly to assume they won't be.

I agree with you, OP.

Its so hard isn't it, we are a family of 8 so technically we can't have no one over when we are all in which apart from school we are.
My eldest has been hit hard and has Autsim and mental health issues, we allow him a close friend round as he needs it and from my understanding its under caring rules.
I wouldn't otherwise, and apart from that we follow all the rules.

wow a doctor and a nurse if we cant even rely on them to follow the rules what hope do we have

I’m not a stickler for following the rules for rules sake but this is clear breach of both the letter of the law and the spirit of it.

As others have said these kind of household gatherings are exactly the kind of situation in which the virus is spreading and exactly why the rule of six was introduced.

YANBU at all and if anything should be dissuading your DH from attending.

I wouldn't go, and I wouldn't be allowing my DC to go either. If anything, YOU'RE the one who should be giving HIM the silent treatment for breaking the law and taking unnecessary risks!

We're in a local lockdown area, where it's currently against the law to even meet in private gardens - if my DH was proposing to do that, and remain distanced, I wouldn't mind so much as it's much safer than meeting indoors. So if I were you, it's not so much that he'd be breaking the law that would annoy me, more that he's putting himself, you and the DCs at risk.

I think we need to stick with six, if we are ever going to get some control back. For ethical reasons you need to hold firm on this, or a complete lockdown will be next.

I would have zero respect for my dh if he started to behave like a petulant child at a time like this.

[quote Glamflimfloogety]@Abouttimemum

Neither would I. Ironically BIL and SIL are a doctor and a nurse, you'd think they more than anyone else would be a bit more cautious![/quote]
They’re possibly desensitised having seen it at work/colleagues be ill so they feel they are “safe” at home. But that doesn’t excuse it. Meeting indoors is still only with 2m social distancing. Can you meet in a park or someone’s garden?

YANBU - in a small flat, I wouldn't want to be in a group of more than 4 people from no more than 2 households and that would feel quite risky. 8 people from 3 households is foolhardy. The thing I think YABU about is saying that you won't object to your DH and DC going - they will be going into a risky situation and then coming back home to you - you will be just as much at risk as if you went along yourself, so you should object.

Meet up with each household separately, as you suggested. SIL BIL and newborn no problem. Meet up with the cousin's family outdoors - yes that will be a group of 7 and so technically illegal but if you are outdoors the risks are minimal.

YANBU, I don’t think I would. If the two teenagers weren’t there and it was just the newborn and 5 year old who were ‘extra’ then I might. Or if you were all outside.

This is why the virus is spreading, patients cant get urgently needed treatment and businesses will go bust. Also why BAME are more affected. I'd refuse to go, or let a child go and would ask not so DH to self isolate on his return. Totally irresponsible for a doctor and nurse, who should be concerned about the risk they pose to you as well as the general transmission risk.

Yanbu
Does he usually sulk like this if you ever disagree with him?

...and that. ladies and gentlemen, is how this thing spreads. How can they be so obtuse? Of course you must stand your ground regardless and reinforce that it's the same for both sides of your family and you're following the rules for everyone's benefit. Your DH needs to give his head a good rattle and see if he can bring the commnsense to the surface!

Sheesh.

And to be honest, if they are a doctor and nurse, I'd even consider reporting them because they're putting dozens of people's lives at risk.

YANBU and your DH needs to grow up.

If you want suggestions, could you and DC meet his cousins wife and DC at a park while DH and cousin drink and smoke and practice being idiots?

Good luck.

The teens are the biggest risk. They look like the biggest rule breakers and spreaders, so...

I think you'd be wise not to go and your husband is behaving like a bully if he is giving you the silent treatment over it. I'm surprised anyone with a new born wants to risk it, frankly. Tell him he has no right to be cross with you for wanting to stick to government guidelines, that is too ridiculous.

It's understandable that people are fed up with restrictions and want to break free but that is how the virus spreads.

Stick to your guns.

I wouldn’t go, I wouldn’t accept being treated with silence for it either.

If it was just one over and two households I'd have no issues with it, but 10 is too much esp as 8 are older

So 10 people including 2 frontline workers who presumably could easily come into contact with COVID in a small space and 2 teenagers who go to school - yes this is exactly how it spreads.

Sometimes I do think it is arbitrary (ended up with 7 in a house on Sunday) but then it was two households and the adults keep 1m+ apart and the children were in school bubbles.

Here the suggestion is insane and is exactly what the rule is designed to stop