DH wants to break rule of 6

[Glamflimfloogety]

So DH, BIL and their cousin want to meet up at the weekend in cousins flat. If we all go there will be 10 of us there (6 adults, 1 newborn, a 5yo and 2 teenagers).

I've told DH I don't want to go as I don't want to break the rules, but I won't prevent him and DS from going.

DH is now giving me the silent treatment because I've scuppered the plans. Apparently it looks weird if I don't go (DH and his family are Indian I'm not, they're big on whole family doing everything together - spouses sitting it out isn't really accepted).

DH hasn't spoken to me since Sunday over this, the only time he did speak to me was to state that I'm just being difficult, the guidelines are bollocks (most of the people are kids and shouldn't count - we're in England so they definitely DO count) and I'm making his life difficult by refusing to go.

My point is that regardless of whether I personally agree with them, the rules are the rules. In fact they are now law, and I don't really fancy breaking the law to see them. I wouldn't do the same for my own family (I have already had the discussion with my mum about Christmas, and we've made a plan that means me and my brother won't be at hers on the same day this year, as it pushes us over 6). I'm not comfortable doing it, and I feel I shouldn't be pushed into it. Likewise I am not preventing DH and DS from going.

AIBU? As I'm sure as hell being made to feel I am.

So as not to drip feed, I have suggested meeting BIL, SIL & newborn separately as this would be a group of 6... I'd still have to drop out of meeting cousin, wife and kids though as they are a household of 4 and we are 3.

Mintymabel
It is not racist to speak of demographics playing a part in the spread in some areas. Cities like leicester continue to be locked down in part because of the demographic of it’s occupants. It is a majority non white city. Sadly people are dying because social distancing is a very alien concept in some cultures. A lot of the spread was from factory worker on less than minimum wage in cramped conditions both at work and at home.

YANBU. FWIW I am actually with your husband. I think the whole thing is bollox and the rule of 6 is totally finger-in-the-air arbitrary stuff. I probably wouldn't mind going if I were in your situation.
That said, you are not me and you are perfectly reasonable for not wanting to break the law and shouldn't be made to feel bad for following it.

YANBU.

I do have some sympathy for your DH who doesn't want to be embarrassed in front of his relatives. For that reason, I would offer the compromise of going along with any reasonable explanation/fib he proposes to give them.

For example, you could be ill on the day - maybe a migraine or something the 5yo won't notice is a lie. Or he could say "Glam doesn't think we are doing anything wrong, she's just terrified of getting caught breaking the law. It could even get into the newspapers and she'd be so embarrassed in front of her relatives. She cares a lot about what people think."

The teens are the biggest risk. They look like the biggest rule breakers and spreaders, so

Although in this case is sounds like the Dads are the biggest rule breakers around.

Of course seeing 20 is more risky than seeing 6 even if the children are all in the same bubble. Say Mother 1 (M1) is infected and comes along to a gathering with one dc and two other mothers (M2 and M3) and their dc. She then tests positive, her dc, M2, M3 and their dc all self isolate. M4-M10 and their dc only catch it if one of dc1-3 are contagious before M1 tests positive and they all self isolate. That is potentially 6 people infected rather than 20. Or do you not believe in self isolation either?

Ynbu - and I think your husband is being a dick- I really can't abide a sulker, how old is he 5 ??

Yanbu, I also wouldn't be happy with dh and dc going, tell him to let them you know you wont be breaking the rules, and you'll arrange to meet up with each family individually.
Also your dh sounds like he's behaving horribly by ignoring you!

haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to say that it's good to remember in these discussions that you're only having this argument because of that bloody awful covid. I suppose i just mean to try and keep that in mind and not to get too cross with each other about having different views on this really difficult topic. It can be really divisive within relationships and that's yet another negative impact. I realise that doesn't help to resolve the issue...! But good to take a step back and realise the original problem is not of either of your making.

Does he have a spare £10,000 in his back pocket if they are reported and receive the highest fine? Pretty sure it won't seem worth it then.

[quote Unsure33]@RonaLisa

we all know its not going anywhere - its only about minimising the risk and not letting the hospitals be overwhelmed .

No family is the same
No workplace is the same

of course the rules wont work for every industry or every situation - but you can bet your bottom dollar that certain outbreaks with large clusters are due to people not following the rules . OR some workplaces where it is cold and damp ( where the virus thrives ) and inadequate safe guards are in place . Which why PHE will go in and check .

Do you think students were sticking to the rules in university ? And probably they have not been that ill - but they could put their lecturers at risk - or family when they go home .[/quote]
Unsure, I have a child at university, so I'm not entirely ignorant about what they get up to. I do know they are not sticking to any rules - but who can blame them, when they've had six months of being stuck at home for no apparent reason?

I think we all need to get a grip and acknowledge that this virus will kill some people. But we also need to acknowledge that people die of lots of things. A family near me today died in a car crash. Two parents (who were, I imagine, younger than me) and two very young children. But they didn't die of Covid, so some people would say their deaths were somehow less significant.

We all need to get on with living and dying as we would normally do.

@MintyMabel

Sadly it's these cultural norms that are sending the rate sky high in some areas of the country.

Rates are sky high in lots of areas that don’t have those “cultural norms” Ridiculous to suggest there is any particular culture making things worse.

Just because some areas have high numbers where this isn't the case, doesn't mean it's not a large part of the problem.

I think most of us feel our families & close friends are 'safe' & it's not untrue to day that it much more common for some cultures to have frequent, large/extended family meet-ups & for there to be a lot of pressure to do so. Meeting in large numbers, particularly inside, family or not is what's driving up the numbers first & foremost.

It takes a LOT to make people break away from their cultural norms.

I don't imagine people are inspired by Boris, to do so.