Why is body size so important to some people?

[Beaverdam100]

I seen a post on fb of a sagging stomach area which had a caption along the lines of what real women look like after having a baby.

It didnt sit right with me. Some women bounce back and some women dont. Both are okay and real. Body shape and size seem to be a huge thing with some people and i find it really sad.

My mid area went back straight after the birth and i was in size 6 jeans straight away. My boobs on the other hand are wrecked but i get that other womens stay perky.

Anyone else find this obsession with weight, shape, size over the top? Theres more to life.

You've only just noticed our culture is image obsessed?! It goes both ways too. When I was a size 8 and 5ft 10, in the 80's, bigger women were consistently bitchy about my weight to me, when my self esteem was already -10 because I thought I was ugly & hated having no boobs. It was only when I wised up & learnt to show off my figure that they stopped, because then I got way more positive attention off the opposite sex.

Comparing and angsting about weight is pointless and distracting from more important considerations.

YANBU
“We are all women and we shouldnt be dragging each other down.“ Well said.

Don't listen to others views about body size, don't read stupid social media things about body size.. Just have your own views about body size, and everything else in life too.

The majority of women are bigger than a size 6, especially after having children. We hold up a shape and size unobtainable to to majority of women as the ideal. If you don’t achieve this then you have ‘failed’. The ‘real woman’ label means just that, I am what a normal woman looks like, get used to it! And the abuse women get for being anything over a size 6-10 in the media should highlight that you are not the hard done by party. I’ve never seen a woman on the cover or a magazine celebrating her weight gain but on almost every cover there is a woman celebrating her (hard won and usually temporary) weight loss.

Two things OP.

1. Nobody should be rude about the bodies of thin women. It’s unpleasant and poor manners. It is not, however, the fault of the body-positivity movement that thin women are sometimes on the receiving end of rude comments. I have never seen any proponent of body positivity make any kind of negative comment about a thin woman’s body. The body positivity movement pushes back against the patriarchal ideal that there is a ‘right’ way for women to look and that anything other than being thin and perky-boobed is ugly. So direct your complaints to the source of the problem instead of blaming fat women for yet another thing.

1. You may sometimes face rude comments, and that’s not ok. But it’s not right to say ‘skinny shaming’ is just as bad as fat shaming. You’re not going to lose out on a job offer because you’re slim. You’re not always going to be the ‘funny awkward friend’ in films. Slim women are still the beauty ideal the world over. You’re not more likely to be dismissed or misdiagnosed by your GP due to your weight. You’re not less likely to be listened to and respected because you’re thin. So while it’s not nice for people to hurt your feelings, and I would always criticise that, you don’t actually suffer anything like the same level of abuse and criticism faced by fat people.

I find it really frustrating that people are very quick to say you can't criticise a woman for being heavier, yet the same people have no qualms about criticising smaller women. All this 'real woman' nonsense is a load of shit.

This. This is the point of the post. OP and other women get made to feel like 'not real women' because they don't have a saggy stomach. That's not nice. How are they not real women, did their babies arrive by stork?

If you dared to say 'the fat ones are just jealous of the skinny ones, that's why they say it', you'd be crucified. Although the reality is it's probably true. Get rid of the stupid 'real woman' nonsense. It's not helping anyone.

Abuse on the streets is mentioned many times here. While I think this is horribly unacceptable - for any perceived reason - for the argument's sake, it would be very obviously obese people who would be a target.

While such abuse should never happen, those people- not just women- are obese. Which is unhealthy and should not be equalled to "real women" nor glorified for the sake of "supporting" or described as "normal".

Nobody is hurling insults on just any woman with body who is less than perfect after pregnancy - which is what OP is very clearly referring to.

If a size 6 is 'ideal', then why can't I walk into practically any shop and buy a pair of jeans? So often the '6' isn't a 6 anymore and there isn't a 4. I would have more choice at a size 12 or 14.

I have been shouted at on the street and then there are the near daily jokes and comments at work.

I hate the phrase ‘real woman’ but do think we need to see photos of ‘real bodies’ in ALL shapes and sizes. That includes stretch marks, saggy boobs, scars, freckles, spots etc. These things do need to be normalised. I think posts like the ‘real woman’ one you reference are a slightly misguided attempt to show women who may otherwise be bombarded with photos of airbrushed/filtered celebs in waist trainers that this isn’t a realistic depiction of motherhood. The

For me, it is not about size, it is about health.

Prior to having children I was a slim, active size 10. I ran regularly. I gained a not unusual amount of weight in pregnancy and have been left a size 14 despite breastfeeding loads and doing my best to shift a few pounds. My worry is not my appearance however, it is the fact that:
a) I've been left with some prolapse. Physio has helped, but running is basically off the table as it worsens it. Reduced exercise is not good for health long term. I also enjoy swimming but Covid restrictions are making that more difficult.
b) the weight I have been left with is very concentrated on my abdomen. This is not healthy long term, as there are links between high waist measurements and diabetes. My inability to run (which for me is my best weight loss strategy) is making me struggle to shift that fat.

Op you use my boobs are wrecked and terrible.. and when other women post about the very common post birth tummy you are like why does it matter ?! Look at your own language about your body.
It sounds like your gripe is that its about an area you have no problem with rather than being so zen and too clever and deep a person to care about looks.

But they are real women.. the women untouched by photoshop, make up, lighting, surgery. That is the real look. Yes some look 'really' conventionally 'better' than others but nobody looks perfect without any fakeness or props.

I think everybody HAS seen what a most bodies look like in real life. We've been on holidays, in swimming pools, we've seen people in shorts, in summer clothes. It is disingenuous to say that unless "imperfections" are on the cover of the magazine nobody will know that they exist. 🙄

It is indeed very normal to have cellulite, saggy boobs, stretch marks, spots, etc. I guess the argument is whether it is actually beautiful and should be showcased.

Op you use my boobs are wrecked and terrible.. and when other women post about the very common post birth tummy you are like why does it matter ?! Look at your own language about your body.
It sounds like your gripe is that its about an area you have no problem with rather than being so zen and too clever and deep a person to care about looks.

Agree 100%

@MandalaYogaTapestry

Absolutely it should.

I thought I was the only one in the world who had cellulite when I was 16. I didn't know other people had it. Had it been shown in papers etc I would've felt much more confident.

What a stupid comment to make.

@LavaCake excellent post.

ScarMatty I assume you know it now? We are not talking about 16 year-olds' perception of the world here.

I refused to have my child weighed.

She’s 14 now and 5ft 11. Her height was always way off on all the child BMI charts. She’s fine, healthy and strong. BMI is just another method of obsessing about weight imo.

We always had biscuits and stuff in the house. Never limited anything. She’s not interested in them. Her 3 brothers were similar

The only person who is critical of my body is me. I don’t like not having a flat stomach or wobbly bits, therefore I will work hard to avoid that as much as possible. I also had gestational diabetes so want to be fit to avoid developing type 2 diabetes later in life.
Some people seem to feel that these goals are somehow insulting their own life choices when they are far from it.

I don't like any of the campaigns about real women, or big is beautiful, or this tiger earned her stripes .. or anything like that.

The big is beautiful annoys me the most. I have been big, I have been slim, at this current moment I'd say I'm pushing my luck on the BMI scale and need to get on a sodding diet because of this lockdown nonsense - but I do not think that big is beautiful. Or, I might be wording that incorrectly - big women CAN be beautiful, but it shouldn't be applauded, because it's just not healthy.

When I was bigger - I'm talking 22 stone - people who supposedly loved me like parents, grandparents and close friends all told me there was nothing wrong with me and I was beautiful, when in actual fact there was PLENTY wrong with me, and they should - if they REALLY loved me - have been trying to support me and push me into healthier habits with diet and exercise.

You can't just have this blanket assumption that everyone is fine as they are, because they're not.

Mamadothehump Spot on!!
My stomach went back to completely flat after I had DD and within a fortnight I was back to my pre pregnancy weight.
It's not a boast, it's my own reality and if women really want to embrace 'Real Women', then they'll obviously realise that that means all of us! Big and Slim!!

I don't think I'm deep. I'm just saying I'm not bothered by it. Since when is not being angry about the way your body looks considered as deep? Don't get me wrong i would like to have the perfect body but i don't and that's fine. Behave yourself and stop twisting my words.

It’s time we stopped all the fear of commenting on obesity, it’s unhealthy, linked to numerous health problems and if you’re getting abuse in the streets yes it’s horrible but only you can change that, not belittling other woman to make you feel better.

Um no - it isn't the responsibility of the person being abused and insulted in the street to change that. Obesity may well be a problem but that doesn't give anyone a right to treat people like that based on their appearance.