To wish I'd never have had a baby during lockdown

[Nicknamegoeshere]

She's 4.5 months and I'm hating every second of this shitty mat leave. Wish I have known about Covid before I got pregnant last September 😣

I don’t think finding something difficult is ever something to feel bad about. You’re not claiming to have it worse than anyone ever - just acknowledging how you’re experiencing things.

My youngest two are 16 month old and a newborn and we have actually enjoyed lock down. Both me and DH wfh so have had 2 pairs of hands to do everything. My toddler has loved having is both and now the baby is here is great my DH is here every day. I have some older kids too so I think maybe we don't mind as such as totally over the whole "baby group" thing as I am sure just something you do with your pfb mostly. We are the kind of people who try to make the best of a bad situation though. Obviously loads of draw backs to covid but we try to focus on the positives and enjoy the bits we can, like all the extra family time we have got.

I feel you got 2 3 and under. End of my maternity leave was in Lockdown. Been very difficult with a toddler and a baby.

I work in maternity and our bookings for Feb 2021 are huge, all the babies conceived on LD.
Maternity services have had to massively change the way they operate which imo does not benefit the woman and her family.
This virus has not really impacted on peoples plans for having a baby right now. If anything it seems to have encouraged it.

Friends baby due at end of January, she is complaining about reduced midwife care even though her pregnancy is absolutely normal. First time mum fears.

@Thedogscollar I honesty don't understand why (unless say age/fertility etc is a factor) anybody would chose to actively be ttc in the midst of all of this?

I'm fortunate in that I was able to have a home birth (with an Independent Midwife) and got to labour safely and with my OH at my side. But no way I'd have been ttc if I'd had known then what I know now.

@ftm202020 I totally get that if you are fortunate enough to have a partner at home who is able to help you then that's great. But not all of us have that. For example, my OH is a social worker and you can imagine how busy he's been of late! It's actually been much harder in a busy three-bed house of five when he has been required to work from home.

Instead of seeing maternity leave as an opportunity to socialise you could try to see it as time to spend with your child?

@Littlebirdie123 Do you not understand how isolating that can be? Have you been on mat leave yourself before?

You need to change the way you look at things maybe, my 5mo has got me through so many tough times through this lockdown/pandemic and having the time to bond so closely has been amazing. He's brightened up such a horrible time

@changednamealways Do you not get bored with just him as company? Do you not miss working?

OP it's been shit for everyone. Mat leave, pregnant/not pregnant, toddlers, schoolkids, teenagers... YANBU to not be feeling #blessed at all this #precioustime with your baby. Obviously you love your baby but that doesn't mean you wouldn't find life a bit more bearable if you could go out and catch up with some friends and share the mental load! I didn't care about lattes and yoga, but actually being able to sit on a sofa in a church hall/someone's house with a cheap cup of tea and whinge about sleep/feeding/general tedium of life with a tiny baby is hugely helpful. And doing it all on fucking Zoom is not the same. When DS1 was born we'd not long moved to our current town, I didn't know anybody, so going to baby groups was the only way for me to make friends.

I actually went back to work (NHS) from mat leave in the first few weeks of lockdown and I've been so glad to be back. DS1 (just turned 4) wouldn't engage with any online activities and there's only so many times you can go to feed the (probably now morbidly obese) ducks and go to the park before even that starts to drive you insane. DS2 (16m) is also getting less and less happy to stay in a buggy for long periods, but also can't actually walk, which limits us. Lots of classes are starting up, so we're gradually picking things up again, but it's not the same. My favourite groups were the chilled out village hall stay-and-play types, and they're all still closed. Music groups are sitting on a mat 2m from anyone else, not able to chat before/after class etc. I can't take 2 kids swimming on my own.

Hope that you manage to find some people/activities to make life a little easier soon @Nicknamegoeshere

@Nicknamegoeshere
Hm well I have my dp on evenings and weekends. To be honest I've never really enjoyed working, had jobs I've liked but being at home and looking after my baby is much more suited to me. I keep myself busy in between naps by teaching myself to cook, doing workouts with baby, seeing how far we can walk/new places we can discover, even if that's just a new corner of the local park😂I've rarely got a minute to be bored as if he doesn't want entertaining/feeding/rocking to sleep then there's washing or hoovering etc to do. Before I got pregnant my life was constant partying and the friends I had were quite toxic, so this has been a total turn around but a nice detox for my brain I think. It's all about perspective, but if being at home just you two isn't for you it's nothing to feel guilty about so YANBU. You have been hit the absolute hardest by the isolation. My advice would be try to be active in keeping your brain busy and your body moving but also well rested, and when you're happy, baby will be equally so x

I can honestly say as the mother of an adult son with severe cerebral palsy you're pretty damn lucky to have three healthy children.

The irony for me is pre kids I was a fairly insular person who may have coped OK with this. Since giving birth I've almost felt a safety in numbers feeling from spending time with other parents of small children. I agree with the PP who said childrearing is a communal activity, this is an abnormal way to do it.

I work in maternity and our bookings for Feb 2021 are huge, all the babies conceived on LD.

Fertility is expected to be down significantly in all developed countries in 2021--I think it's probably just your area!

Desperate to get back to work (I'm a teacher).

I wouldn't rush right now

My covid kid is 5 months old and I am now on sertraline due to the fucking anxiety and stress of it all. Our baby was planned, years of trying. I had fantasised for years about taking my baby to the library and churches to attend baby groups, making mum friends, being part of that "mum club". I wanted it desperately.
Obviously, that didn't bloody happen. I would be sat in my front room holding my newborn, crying for my mum who I could only see at the end of the driveway.
Baby groups are starting up again in my area, but the waiting lists ate huge and you have to prepay now. I'm a bit iffy about doing that as if we go into a local lockdown we might not get our money back.

My baby, however, is the absolute light at the end of this tunnel. I call her my rainbow baby as 3 weeks before I gave birth, we lost my 33 year old cousin to covid (brought up as my sister, extremely close). I know rainbow babies are a baby after a lost sibling, but I'm extending that definition to include her. She really is my rainbow through this dark storm.

When people say we haven't missed out, being dramatic or imply we are selfish when we're angry/anxious/upset about having a baby in this pandemic, I invite you to walk a mile in our shoes. Imagine being frightened to take your baby into a newsagents to buy a bottle of milk. Or ring around various health practitioners over and over just to get your baby weighed properly. Delayed jabs. Labouring alone, having swabs taken up your nose and down your throat between contractions. I could go on and on and on.

I am grateful for my beautiful baby and the situation has eased for us, thank goodness. Our parents and even some friends and family have held her. I will forever be thankful for that. But I mean this with kindness- please do not judge us lockdown mum's and dads. It's been fucking hard and we've earned a rant.

I am pregnant and due in January with my LO. I feel so stupid to have gotten pregnant in April but I didn’t really think we would still be in a pandemic. Lucky for me I have contact with my extended family which is my lifeline and will continue to do so when son is born.
Being pregnant in the pandemic has been easier though, I don’t need to worry about going into the office, maternity clothes, missing out on nights out. This pregnancy is flying by.

I note that many of the “you need to change your mindset” and implications that the OP is doing pandemic with a baby wrong are from people who did not have a baby during a pandemic. Things are differently difficult for everyone. Let the OP talk about it and try to avoid the urge to put her down

I haven’t read the whole thread and whilst I know we are all guilty of not appreciating what we have please try to! I was pregnant during lockdown and found out the baby’s heart had stopped beating at 20 weeks, I had to be induced and go through 24 hour labour before giving birth to my baby. It is his due date this month and I would do anything to have him here with me. I don’t doubt that having a small baby during Covid is hard, but I am stuck at home, working from home full time, can’t do most of the things I would have enjoyed during my spare time previously or spend time with friends and family, and don’t have my baby either!

I know that it’s not always easy to look at the bigger picture, and as I said above, I am not for a minute saying having a young baby is easy right now, but please please do appreciate how lucky you are, and as others have said, it really is a shit time for everyone right now whatever your situation.

@toffeekiwi I love my job and it's so good for my MH. I specialise in working with SEN children and it's the one thing I'd say I'm actually good at. I miss the kids, the staff, the interaction, using my brain.

My OH is also not happy with me today because I don't want to go to music class with baby. I've been three times but honestly singing with masks on feels pointless as does sitting on a may metres away from everyone. Of course I totally get why we have to do it, but it kind of invalidates the class really.

Everyday feels like groundhog day in this tiny village and by goodness is it lonely.

@notinthestarsigns I am sorry for your loss. It must be hard for you and I hope there are brighter days ahead x

My OH is also not happy with me today because I don't want to go to music class with baby. I've been three times but honestly singing with masks on feels pointless as does sitting on a may metres away from everyone. Of course I totally get why we have to do it, but it kind of invalidates the class really.

Those classes are totally for you, so if you're not enjoying them and getting social interaction from them then it's rubbish and you're allowed to be sad about it, but you're also allowed to bin them off with zero guilt!

@Nicknamegoeshere
You could change the lyrics to the songs to make them more relatable...
"the driver on the bus says put on your mask, put on your mask, put on your mask.....
The people outside tescos are queing in the rain, queueing in the rain, queueing in the rain...
The people on the doorsteps are clapping their hands again, clapping their hands again clapping their hands again etc etc"

@Hardbackwriter Thank you. I've tried explaining that to him and it's not always his fault he doesn't understand as he's a first time dad and I'm a third time mum. It's the same with this horrendous sleep regression we're going through with her atm - I think it has taken him by surprise!