To wish I'd never have had a baby during lockdown

[Nicknamegoeshere]

She's 4.5 months and I'm hating every second of this shitty mat leave. Wish I have known about Covid before I got pregnant last September 😣

Yeah half the point of maternity leave IS to drink lattes with other mums. Alongside swapping stories, gaining support, having a laugh, letting your babies mix and socialise,. ACTUAL HUMAN CONTACT!
Don't dismiss the social side of mat leave.

It must be pretty horrible for you.

Me and DH are in our 60's and have no children and are just finding everything so depressing at the moment. With no light at the end of the tunnel it all seems so sad and pointless.

There are plenty still trying to get pregnant though so, obviously, lots of people don't care or are just sticking their heads in the sand.

Sympathies it must be very difficult. And to some of the poster on here - babies are wonderful, a miracle and a blessing and I love my son to pieces. When he was a baby I would stare at him sometimes when he slept wondering how anything so perfect could exist. That doesn't also mean that I didnt also sometimes want to climb the walls out of boredom/frustration/sleep exhaustion. As much as he was the best thing in my life, I also needed the company of other adults at times. I would have been so lonely without being able to meet other mums at baby group. That doesn't make me selfish or a terrible mother or a snowflake. And the women who have had babies during 2020 and are finding it difficult aren't any of those things either.
op.

it must really suck op, sympathies.

as for the people on here with no empathy at all, jaysus. other people - in different situations- are struggling too- can you not understand that?

I've got a 3 month old and I'm actually really enjoying the time with him, I've got 2 older who are at school so they keep us busy when they are here.

Another hand hold, OP. My baby is 3.5 months and I have a toddler. No groups I can get to, my female friends can't visit and my mum's met the baby once. The weather turning has coincided with sleep regression and my mental health has nosedived.

To the posters making belittling comments about yummy mummies and lattes, get some fucking compassion and maybe reflect on how serious PND can be for women even when there isn't a pandemic. The company of other women can quite literally be a lifeline for a lot of mothers.

I'm not going to be adding anything helpful with this. But I had a miscarriage in Dec, so would have been a lockdown baby (1st pregnancy after 3 rounds of ivf) and I'm actually feeling slightly relieved. Obviously also devastated. Everyday. Can't go back to the clinic abroad yet. But in my head mat leave was this perfect holiday with everything I had ever wanted.
But I'm lonely, bored and fed up with lockdown, let alone feeling tired and anxious with a baby on top

There are plenty still trying to get pregnant though so, obviously, lots of people don't care or are just sticking their heads in the sand.

Or they are older and have the clock against them, or fertility issues, or or or. It's not ideal but sometimes choice is limited.

I've seen some new mums arrange coffee meet ups/walks, either 1-on-1 or as small groups, via local Facebook groups, is that something you could try? Hard times for all.

Just an idea OP have you looked up sling walks in your area? They do outdoor ones here with a few mums. I plan too go soon.

@nicknamegoeshere I feel completely the same. Robbed of my maternity leave and everything that goes with it. My baby was born on the 24th April, she is my first and I have wanted a baby for so long, when I found out I was pregnant last July I was overjoyed I had so many plans but they have all gone to pop. I feel that we have just been forgotten about.

I was discharged from hospital 3 hours after giving birth, and we quickly realised we didn’t really know how to look after a baby now we had to face it with no support at all. I have been googling everything. Furthermore, I don’t think many new mums have to try and cook dinner the same day they give birth.

I really wanted to partake in mum groups but couldn’t. It was just a very frustrating time. Plus when restrictions were eased a little my baby was 4 months old and it was like everyone forgot I had a baby as no-one made an effort to come and see her. No celebration and no support.

On the plus side I am so proud of me and and my fiancé as we have brought an amazing and beautiful baby girl into the world all by ourselves.

YANBU. I really struggled with PND and anxiety, I would not have coped at all having a baby during lockdown. Lots of love x

I was discharged from hospital 3 hours after giving birth, and we quickly realised we didn’t really know how to look after a baby now we had to face it with no support at all. I have been googling everything. Furthermore, I don’t think many new mums have to try and cook dinner the same day they give birth.

I have lots of sympathy for how difficult it must have been to be on mat leave during lockdown - I know I would have struggled without getting out and about after my DS as I found it so boring as it was - but being sent home asap is always seen as better practice than the antenatal ward if it's possible (the MLU at my local hospital aims for four hours), I think everyone who ever has a baby feels like they've been sent home to care for a baby despite not knowing what to do, and all new parents in recent years have googled everything, and why didn't your fiance make dinner?!

As I say, I have lots of sympathy (and some trepidation - my second is due in Feb) but I do think some of this is overestimating how 'good' it is under normal circumstances - lots of people find mat leave hard and tedious and miss work 'normally', and I really do see how hard it is to not have services such as face-to-face HV visits and weigh-ins but I do think there's a bit of rose-tinted spectacles about how much support is usually on offer. I think most women have a vision of maternity leave that's a bit more romantic and idealised than the reality so I think some people now think that was taken from them but it would never be quite like that in the first place.

@CheetasOnFajitas I have also suffered in this way - from repeated multiple miscarriages and baby loss. That doesn't mean I have to enjoy every second of my mat leave. As many others have said, it's rough, especially during this pandemic.

I had a home birth which was amazing! However, I recovered so quickly I almost uderstimated that I'd had a baby if that makes any sense?!!

@BabyLlamaZen Well for a start from March I was home-schooling my two other kids so no, not really!

@RedMarauder It will be much harder to find quality time when I'm back at work ft, working evenings and weekends and sorting the other two kids as well. It just feels this "protected" time has been lost.

I'm going to say that I'd expect any intelligent new parent to have some mental struggles regarding bringing a child into this world at this time.

The fact that now you're stuck under a lockdown with very little outside help, if any would only exacerbate this sense of hopelessness. The physical drain on the body goes without saying.

You're fine, OP. Things will slowly improve on their own as your baby grows older. It's your sense of preservation kicking in right now in revolt to a very difficult situation. Those are normal feelings, trust them. You don't need the outside world validating them. You're in a crappy situation and you feel like crap. It's all normal.

@Nicknamegoeshere I have a 10 week old and a 4 year old I feel the same! With not much notice I got sent home from work at 28 weeks (frontline nurse) due to the risk which was fine but mentally don’t feel like I wrapped my case load up as I would like/love my job expected to be there until 36 weeks. In a local lockdown area there are very few baby groups and no socialising with friends etc. My older child is in pre school nursery but there’s been covid in his bubble so currently isolating, his swimming lessons haven’t restarted and can’t book to take him lane swimming and it’s all he wants to do. To get into soft play/role play you have to book a slot at least a week in advance. for those not in local lockdown i think there is more going on/it’s no illegal to meet you family/friend for a coffee. My brain feels like candy floss, I’m not enjoying breast feeding and I want a cuddle off my mum. In the grand scheme of things I know these are small things but tired and full of hormones there’s been lots of tears this week! Sending

OP it's harder but not impossible.

Also when this shit calms down you will have family and friends who will want to see the other 2 so you just need to get them to look after them while you do something else with your youngest.

@Hardbackwriter I had my second baby three months before lockdown so have been able to compare a ‘normal’ mat leave with a lockdown mat leave. I’ve found my second one much harder - and I didn’t find it too hard until lockdown happened when my baby was three months old. Suddenly all support was taken away. Having my eldest in nursery three days a week before lockdown had made a huge difference; as soon as nurseries started reopening my life became easier again.

YANBU; total sympathy and solidarity here. DD born in May and this mat leave has been totally different than 3 years ago with DS. We go to classes but there’s such a sense of anxiety over it all. Even me and my mum friends who have second babies now too can’t all meet up as with the babies we are 8, not 6. A distinction made only in England.

I have a 7 month old born 2 weeks before lockdown started, and I’m in a local lockdown area. Mothering/parenting has been a communal activity for millennia, and no socialising indoors means it’s now a solo/nuclear family one. Our great grandmothers might not have had baby groups but they would often have spent most of their days around other mothers of young children. There’s a reason every article on PND ever tells you to get out and see people! And with local lockdown you can’t top up your social batteries by seeing people at the weekend, unless the weather is good enough to meet outdoors.

Aw thanks all. I feel like a monster for finding this so hard and I know I should be grateful for having a baby but it's reassuring to know I'm not alone in my feelings.

It is rubbish isn't it. It can be a long day to fill with nothing to do and no adult company.

My little girl was 3 months when we went in to lockdown. I also have a 3yr old was 2 at lockdown. We had just started getting into a routine, attending baby classes and groups and then nothing.

Most classes her in Scotland haven't started back as numbers have to be so few. Also bookbug and some of the free baby/toddler groups haven't started back as they aren't allowed to as in the library. Also baby swim classes are out you can't even take the kids swimming here. Open for lane swimming or swimming lessons only 😕

I loved my first mat leave but this time it was awful 😕 wouldn't have been so bad if it was just the baby but trying to entertain my 3 yr old was so hard.

She's also a very clingy baby as she's hardly been near anyone else or babysat etc.