Page 4 | To wish I'd never have had a baby during lockdown

Nicknamegoeshere · 2020-10-12T10:11:44+00:00

She's 4.5 months and I'm hating every second of this shitty mat leave. Wish I have known about Covid before I got pregnant last September 😣

Pumpertrumper · 12/10/2020 13:38

I gave birth in March.

Felt like I’d been hit by a bus and the world fell apart. Felt like a trippy bad dream for 3-4 months. Now it feels shit but normal.

HowFastIsTooFast · 12/10/2020 13:47

I'm sorry you're struggling OP but try and look at the positives. You may feel that your leave has been wasted, but your baby certainly won't!

All this time to spend with Mum and the family, uninterrupted by other people or dashing about here there and everywhere? It must be bliss for your little one! You may think you've missed out on quality time but you've actually had loads more of it as far as your DD is concerned.

Things will get better. In the meantime please consider going to a couple of classes or the pool if you can; it might not be the social event that you'd hope for but it will be engaging and worthwhile for your daughter.

xx

Iwonder08 · 12/10/2020 13:47

OP, how very strange. The whole point of mat leave is to spend time with your new baby. You don't need to drag them to baby groups. Is it that essential to drink lattes with other mums? Parks are open, go for walks..

LuckyAmy1986 · 12/10/2020 13:48

I had my babies years ago so haven't experienced what you have but I think it must be shit for you. It's not how you think the world is going to be when you have your baby and all the things you must feel you are missing out on. I feel for you.

CheetasOnFajitas · 12/10/2020 13:52

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Rawrsome13 · 12/10/2020 13:56

@CheetasOnFajitas

Oh boo hoo. Some of us spent years battling infertility and did not have the luxury if picking and choosing when to have a baby. Count your blessings.

I am one of those people and have still found having my baby in lockdown awful.

I think the quote "another person's broken leg doesn't make your broken arm any less painful" is appropriate here.

justasking111 · 12/10/2020 14:02

I had none lockdown babies do not really remember those first months, was a sleep deprived zombie, so you are doing well if you are bored. I did push prams miles though during the day.

CheetasOnFajitas · 12/10/2020 14:02

It can be worded in a different way to “I wish I had never had a baby during lockdown” with accompanying gloating about how OP chose when to get pregnant and wishes she had made a different choice. Something like “ AIBU to have found having a newborn hard during Covid”.

HerRoyalNotness · 12/10/2020 14:04

Quality time with a baby is cuddling them on the couch, reading books, turn on some songs and sing. Play a little. Not sure why you don’t think you can’t have quality time? If you want to persevere with the baby groups then just wear the mask, at least you’re still getting out and the baby is seeing other babies.

If you’re a teacher you will get quality time during school holidays with her too. Try to find some positives about it.

Debradoyourecall · 12/10/2020 14:04

I understand how you feel. I took my baby to the park when it was warmer but don’t want to walk around in the rain all the day now it’s getting colder. There are no classes or playgroups running for a crawling baby near me as far as I know.

The ideal thing to do would be to go round friends’ houses but I don’t feel that’s safe as the virus is known to spread more easily inside. My baby and older child can’t go inside their grandparents house any more as we feel so nervous about potentially giving it to them. The lack of social contact gets very lonely. I’m relieved to be back at work now and grateful that at least my baby doesn’t mind spending all day in the house (though it’s not great for my older child).

BiBabbles · 12/10/2020 14:06

The transitions in early motherhood are difficult for many, and COVID has just added more piles of challenges on top of that.

Maybe social apps like peanut (specifically for mothers) and Bumble BFF (women wanting to make friends), which were posted on a thread on here with similar feelings of loneliness could be helpful if you haven't tried them already. I've had mixed results, but have found them helpful as part of trying to figure social things out with everything going on now.

Caspianberg · 12/10/2020 14:08

My baby was born in May. We are overseas so all family that were due to fly out and help up and see new baby haven’t been able to.
It’s a shame.

However, I figure there’s nothing I can actually do about it. I would rather enjoy this time with baby rather than waste first year upset that what should have happened hasn’t.
He’s now 5 months and a happy little baby. He’s happy to be with dh and I. He doesn’t know or care what’s happening in the world around him.

Giganticshark · 12/10/2020 14:08

My heart goes out to those who have had babies this year. I know there are worse things to happen, but it's absolute shite.
I think things will be hard over winter while the weather is crap and mother's MH has and will suffer. I hope extra support will become available for the long term fallout.
Your babies will be fine, they will never remember this and will only know what you tell them.

A bonus for many is they have had their partners off work to support them

Giganticshark · 12/10/2020 14:10

I tried taking my 2 year old to a class. It was awful. Stay on your mats, don't go near anyone. No interaction.
Rubbish.
But we have friends and family and a child minder so he's not missed out the social side

Foliageeverywhere122 · 12/10/2020 14:11

It sounds crap

It's ok to feel this way and lots of other new parents do too

rebecca102 · 12/10/2020 14:11

Few people I know who have had babies during lockdown feel the same way. The support you'd usually have from family and friends isn't allowed, it's horrible.

cantdothisnow1 · 12/10/2020 14:13

You all have my sympathy. I didn't have a baby in a pandemic but I was seriously ill after the birth of my first child and really suffered from missing out on groups etc.

LG101 · 12/10/2020 14:16

In the same boat but I must say I’m sort of enjoying it. It sucks there is no classes and social time with other mums and babies.

I have enjoyed a more relaxed way of life and less pressure to be doing stuff constantly. I do have an amazing mum group of friends from older children so they have kept me sane.

If you hate it loads and it’s affecting your mental health could you look at returning to work earlier than planned?

Xley90 · 12/10/2020 14:17

[quote ivfbeenbusy]@Nicknamegoeshere

What's so bad about it? Most of the baby clubs have reopened and so has farms, play areas, National trust etc. The child is too young for soft
Play or the cinema so not missing out there? Most people are back at work so no necessarily missing having friends/family around during the day? Seems to me the only thing you can't do is just turn up at swimming pools as it's lane swimming only? 🤷‍♀️[/quote]
Dont know where OP is but i also have a baby born during lockdown, her grandparents have been able to see her maybe 5 times each(and they live local!)? We are in a local lockdown and from tonight possibly for another 6 months, so they will miss 6 months of my baby's life after already missing so much of it, extended family have never met her, my own brother hasnt been able to meet her. I worry how the relationship will be between her and family in the future and if they will still be able to get a good bond. Antenatal care was none existant, all classes cancelled i had to find my own online classes to learn how to do the basics, even changing a nappy, this is my first baby! I signed up to pregnancy yoga to meet other mums to be but that ended up online. Pre covid there was a local drop in service to see midwives etc with baby whenever you have a question or concern, obviously thats closed, i can ring health visitor but the wait on the phone is ridiculous. There are now baby classes in my area but they are all booked up! Everyone wants them now they have opened to make up for what they've missed during the first lockdown, i dont know if classes will be closed following tonights announcement because we are tier 3. My mat leave has been spent inside basically instead of what I intended to do, making friends with other mums. My other friends don't have babies.

Out of all of that the worst is my baby's grandparents being unable to see her or to help in the way family usually would with a newborn. My baby's nannas have said they dont feel like grandparents.

I am jealous of those who had children during normal times. I am also grateful my baby is safe, well and just perfect. We do online zoom baby classes and try to make the best of it but i constantly feel like she is missing out on development opportunities. Covid is added 'mum guilt'.

fastandthecurious · 12/10/2020 14:20

In regards to baby groups. A lot of the free ones run by the council and community centres aren't open here. Just prepaid ones that you have to pay for the whole term (can be quite expensive and lots of people can't afford to pay the whole term especially with job losses etc) and they're all fully booked for the term. I feel for you op it is isolating. I have a 2 year old and we are very limited on what we can do at the moment but would be more so if DS was tiny at least I can take him to the park etc but I know my mental health would have struggled massively without baby groups and play dates with mum friends (which you can't do where I live now due to local restrictions)

CrappleUmble · 12/10/2020 14:23

@Foliageeverywhere122

It sounds crap

It's ok to feel this way and lots of other new parents do too

100%. It's been an absolute fucker of a time and it's ok to say that.

FractionalGains · 12/10/2020 14:23

@Iwonder08

OP, how very strange. The whole point of mat leave is to spend time with your new baby. You don't need to drag them to baby groups. Is it that essential to drink lattes with other mums? Parks are open, go for walks..

Don’t be so dismissive. Who said anything about lattes?

The restrictions have removed the usual lines of practical support for new parents. A large number of doctors signed a letter last week to the times expressing concern about the mental health of people who had become mothers during the pandemic. It’s not about fucking coffee.

Littlepixie85 · 12/10/2020 14:25

I have a 4 month old and a toddler who's nearly 3, and am finding it so tough and isolating. Most toddler activities are shut, or I would struggle to do with a baby who is high needs and doesn't nap more than 30 mins at anytime. The baby activities are closed or have a waiting list or I can't do with a toddler. We are in local lockdown so can't meet friends. Like you, I'm exclusively breastfeeding, and have a terrible sleeper so just exhausted. I think what makes it worse is the fact we are going into winter, restrictions are going to get worse and there's not a lot to look forward to. It's hard not to feel low. Huge sympathies to everyone else feeling like this.

Littleelffriend · 12/10/2020 14:28

I completely understand OP. My dd is 3 months old and I’m really struggling. I’m so bored, baby groups have not restarted where I am, it’s freezing and pouring most days outside. I’m now really not motivated to do anything.

DefinatelyAWeeGobshite · 12/10/2020 14:30

My kids are 4 now but I have friends who have babies a few weeks or months old. Where I am in Scotland the baby clubs aren’t open, the soft plays all closed down during the pandemic and can’t afford to reopen, we’re not allowed to socialise in each other’s houses etc so I have lots of friends really struggling.

Hand hold for you OP.