To wish I'd never have had a baby during lockdown

[Nicknamegoeshere]

She's 4.5 months and I'm hating every second of this shitty mat leave. Wish I have known about Covid before I got pregnant last September 😣

See I think it's been a good time to be pregnant.

It was my due date yesterday and so far I've been able to wfh throughout pregnancy - so had a few naps, didn't have to wear a bra when my ribs hurt, no commute and extra rest. Then there wasn't any fomo to be had because no one could go to the pub anyway. We all had some time in the summer where things were pretty normal so I managed to make antenatal friends. Now the babies are due just as the pubs are shutting down again - couldn't go out anyway with a tiny baby - but cafes are staying open (London) at least for a while so can see friends in smaller groups... yes OH couldn't come to scans but we booked a private one so that's been fine... I think you have to try to see the bright side in every situation and there have certainly been silver linings.

Thanks all. I think I'd maybe feel a bit better if I knew I was going to have more quality time with her when things are a bit more normal, but will be returning to work when she is nine months old. I'll never get amother mat leave or any quality time with her. I know I should be grateful I have her so will try to stop moaning!

Its very tough with a young baby now. A lot of the support that was there has gone. For reasons other than pandemic my second mat leave was not at all what i hoped for and it did leave me feeling cheated out of that time. These are normal things to feel. I hope the flip side is some other year is way better than you ever dreamed.

@MillieEpple I hope so as this year has been a bit rough! Was supposed to be getting married (cancelled) and I turn 40 next month (also cancelled!!)

You'd be having a rubbish time whether you had a baby or not. Covid is rubbish for everyone. This won't be going on forever!

I could have written this post myself. I’m actually in the process of organising some KIT days at work (also a teacher) and offering to do some cover with some of those days, just to socialise with other adults (I have a 4 month old and 2 year old at home) I’m sort of hoping a few days in work will make me feel grateful to be off!

You’re not alone ❤️

@CodenameVillanelle Of course, but I definitely would have welcomed the distraction of work as well as the company! I'm not enjoying the boredom of this mat leave.

I’m with you and I’m not even on maternity leave yet! DD due in three weeks and I’m not really looking forward to a long winter with a newborn and a two year old in a tiny house with no stay and play/baby groups running in my local area. The things that are running are the expensive structured activities that we will only be able to do once per week, maybe twice. Thankfully we live in the country so will just have to go out for walks lots but I’m already scared of the loneliness.

@schafernaker Aw that sounds amazing! I'd love to go back in to school!! But nobody to have baby and she is breastfed on demand still. Longest I've been without her since birth is about an hour!!

Hope your KIT days go really well

From the sounds of it OP its you who aren't making the most of what is actually available? You said you hate swimming and the baby clubs are open you just don't want to go?

I only had 20 weeks maternity leave with DD which largely fell over the summer holidays when there is no baby groups running anyway

Autumn is a lovely time of year assuming it's dry so try country parks and arboretums

I know how you feel op. I’m a FTM and my DD is 3.5 months and it’s been hard. Been working from home since end of feb so not really had any company, my partner wasn’t allowed to any scans, seen a midwife once outside the scans, labour was something else in I had to do it on my own with no birthing partner and after 35 long hard hours I gave in and had an EMC, was in hospital for days after with no visitors not even my oh it’s been horrible and a bit traumatic.

For people saying oh classes are back up and running, there has been nothing here where I am not one class, meet ups to meet other mums even for advice or to know your not alone when your going through a dreaded sleep regression or when your DC is teething not for the “ oh let’s go for a coffee and a gossip “ we can’t even meet family or friends outside where I am.

Would I change my dd? not for the world. Do I feel like we have missed out? god yes. I think unless you have had a baby in this lockdown, it’s hard to understand how hard it is or can be.

If you need a chat any time you can pm me @Nicknamegoeshere it’s bloody dam hard but we’ll get through to the other side and be stronger for it ❤️ xx

I must be really hard OP. I never really liked most toddler groups but I found two that was lovely. Even one morning a week of being around other mums felt like some support.

OP it's not fair and it must suck. It's totally valid to feel like this. I would too!

@ivfbeenbusy alas, many baby groups have not reopened. Wish it was the case, I’m due in a couple of weeks, so won’t be in a great rush, but with my DD it was a godsend being able to get out the house and see people for a different group each day. Dreading not being able to do that this time.

Generally, things that you pay for are opening, but with much smaller numbers. Some of these aren’t coming back as they went bust. But all the free ones e.g, local church baby group, childrens centre, library groups are still staying closed - there is no benefit to the economy in reopening them, so I guess the risk is not justified. If you are in an area where lots of people can’t/won’t afford expensive baby groups, that means there’s now not a lot On offer. I would absolutely love it if our local breastfeeding support group was open, or if the multiples club was running, but there is no indication that either of these will be running in the short/medium term.

@Nicknamegoeshere ahh my DD has ended up on a special formula due to allergies that we can’t seem to pin down 🙈 it’s been a nightmare but does now mean she can be left. Not excited for weaning and it’s looking like I may take a little longer off so we aren’t running the risk of her reacting to something at nursery 🤦🏻‍♀️

Hoping the boss agrees, it makes sense financially for him to use me not external cover 🤞🏻

Rocking I said exactly this to dh, we are finished with having dc now but have a pregnant friend and lockdown has been the ideal time for her, she’s been able to wfh, had her dh around almost constantly, hasn’t felt like she is missing out on socialising and activities etc because everybody has been at home, she said she couldn’t have timed it better! However she hasn’t had any complaints about her care so it may be different in other areas, not meaning to be insensitive. Op are you able to get out for walks often, to cafes, join Facebook groups for new parents locally? Sorry to hear you’re struggling.

I’m the opposite and think having a lockdown baby would have been a positive. Nothing you’re missing out on etc when stuck in with baby.

YANBU, my 2 year old DD is bored out of her mind because all our usual groups and activities are cancelled with no sign of returning and all that's left are soggy trips to the park. Its so depressing.

I’m a bit on the fence here. I’ve had mat leave both in normal and covid times and the covid one was much easier and I definitely enjoyed it far more. Both parents at home much more, delayed start into nursery, far more time to bond with siblings.

On the flip side there was a lot of financial uncertainty so we would have had to cut all the baby classes anyway.

I get why it would feel hard as a FTM though, I think baby classes can feel like a lifeline early on with a first baby

Congratulations on your baby. It must be tough, are there online groups that you could reach out to, maybe go for walks etc?

I had a miscarriage during lockdown, so wish I'd had a chance to have my baby during lockdown! Not that I'm saying that to dismiss how you're feeling because I'm not, you are completely entitled to feel how you feel, but remember how very very lucky you are. Cherish your baby and the remaining time you have on maternity with her. Make lots of memories, even if it's just going out for nice winter walks x

@Nicknamegoeshere

Thanks all. I think I'd maybe feel a bit better if I knew I was going to have more quality time with her when things are a bit more normal, but will be returning to work when she is nine months old. I'll never get amother mat leave or any quality time with her. I know I should be grateful I have her so will try to stop moaning!

I think you will have been having quality time with your daughter during lockdown. It's not often we have the opportunity to be so exclusively with our babies without any external pressures. Nobody knocking on the door, pushing you to go to baby groups, listening to inane conversations. It's just you and her and anyone in your bubble. Perfect peace. There's no greater quality time than that.

Take the positives and ignore any negatives.

When the time comes, you'll no doubt be glad to get back to work.

I found maternity leave really boring and we weren't in the middle of a pandemic I just found the baby stage really hard/difficult/boring and I struggled to make mum friends because I didn't feel as though I had anything in common with them apart from having a baby.

Maybe it's not all about Covid and just about the fact that maternity leave is sometimes a bit shit for some people

Honestly, mat leave is hard. I've done it twice. Neither time was particularly enjoyable. It's boring. The chats with other mums, even at classes and baby groups, are boring and about really mundane things. While on the whole, it was nice to have time with them and I look back glad that I had a year off with each. I wouldn't be thrilled to sign up for it again. The things I did during mat leave though, you can perfectly well do now, COVID or not. It's lots of walks, getting a takeaway coffee and sitting in the park, quiet time at home, etc. I didn't meet up with loads of people or do lots of classes/groups (there aren't many around here) and with my 2nd, they were hard to fit around the school run. Life will get easier. 4 months is not easy. And if you plan to go back to work, that is something to look forward to. I found my life balance became a lot healthier when I was back to work a bit.

I think I'd maybe feel a bit better if I knew I was going to have more quality time with her when things are a bit more normal, but will be returning to work when she is nine months old. I'll never get amother mat leave or any quality time with her.

Hand on heart I’m not being goady here, but what are you defining as ‘quality time’. I would have thought you would have had more quality time with baby than if life had of been as usual. Instead of being dragged in many different directions you have pretty much been free to concentrate/focus on just being with them without other pressures. Confused.

I'm finding mat leave isolating, with my first. I haven't been able to visit family as much as I'd want to to them shielding. Baby groups have only just started opening and are fully booked, haven't been able to see friends as they are either shielding, work in a hospital or numbers take us over six. It's frustrating and if I wasn't breast feeding would consider going back to work sooner for my mental health

I actually really liked it as didnt feel all the pressure to see friends and family and loved the family time at home with dh. But I agree it's not for everyone and we're very lucky with our house and garden. Now he's almost walking and needs actual entertainment it's getting a lot less fun.

Op are you in an area with restrictions? There are classes, even online ones! For example there is one called baby college online.