To wish I'd never have had a baby during lockdown

[Nicknamegoeshere]

She's 4.5 months and I'm hating every second of this shitty mat leave. Wish I have known about Covid before I got pregnant last September 😣

[quote Nicknamegoeshere]@CodenameVillanelle Of course, but I definitely would have welcomed the distraction of work as well as the company! I'm not enjoying the boredom of this mat leave.[/quote]

Deep breath. Also I hated 4 months as the sleep was terrible. They do get more fun btw.

Can you write a list of all the things you want to do?

@HoppingPavlova

I think I'd maybe feel a bit better if I knew I was going to have more quality time with her when things are a bit more normal, but will be returning to work when she is nine months old. I'll never get amother mat leave or any quality time with her.

Hand on heart I’m not being goady here, but what are you defining as ‘quality time’. I would have thought you would have had more quality time with baby than if life had of been as usual. Instead of being dragged in many different directions you have pretty much been free to concentrate/focus on just being with them without other pressures. Confused.

And this! Pre 6 months they literally just need us. In fact these babies have had much more of us than most babies ever do

My youngest is 14 months and has spent half his life in this lockdown crap. His elder siblings benefited massively from groups, activities etc and developmentally were further ahead at the same stage. We are in Scotland groups are not open, activities are not open and the health visitors are saying babies are suffering developmentally as a result. I do lots of activities with him, take him swimming, for walks, he plays with my older children but is not getting access too other toddlers which is what he desperately needs. I have had too resort too putting him in one day a week too a childminder too ensure he is getting too play with little ones his own age. Scottish government have messed this up seriously and babies and toddlers are suffering as a result.

It’s all very well saying groups are open. Where I am there are huge wait lists for these groups with priority given to past class attendees - making it almost impossible to register. (Not that I’m saying those who attended previously shouldn’t have priority before anyone jumps on that)

@Fundays12

My youngest is 14 months and has spent half his life in this lockdown crap. His elder siblings benefited massively from groups, activities etc and developmentally were further ahead at the same stage. We are in Scotland groups are not open, activities are not open and the health visitors are saying babies are suffering developmentally as a result. I do lots of activities with him, take him swimming, for walks, he plays with my older children but is not getting access too other toddlers which is what he desperately needs. I have had too resort too putting him in one day a week too a childminder too ensure he is getting too play with little ones his own age. Scottish government have messed this up seriously and babies and toddlers are suffering as a result.

Scottish groups have been running... Albeit at a reduced capacity.

@Laaalaaaa Depends on where you are in Scotland and the age of your children. None of our toddler groups have been running since being shut down for the initial lockdown. The problem is the number of adults in the room with the toddlers and then there is the fact that most church halls and venues have closed for hire.

There is nothing to do here with a toddler, you can meet a friend in a cafe, but that requires your toddler to sit still long enough to have a conversation. It sucks, even more so now the weather is turning.

@SnuggyBuggy

YANBU, my 2 year old DD is bored out of her mind because all our usual groups and activities are cancelled with no sign of returning and all that's left are soggy trips to the park. Its so depressing.

There is a big of a difference between a 2 year old and 4month old though?. Yes it must be much more boring for a 2 year old at the moment and I do feel for them at that age but a 16 week old baby doesn't really understand the concept of boredom like a 2 year old would

I think everyone imagines what maternity leave will be like - they'll have all these yummy mummy meet ups and play dates, and a plethora of groups to go to every day of the week and make all these life long friendships. When actually it's pretty boring. Most groups only run term time to term time so if you have a summer baby you have to make your own entertainment anyway. And the few mother and baby groups I did go it was clear if you were a working mother and not staying off indefinitely they weren't interested in building a friendship because in a few weeks/months you'd be gone anyway

:( So unfair on you. You didn't choose this.

On the plus side, at least your child won't have any memories of this? My two are 6 and 7. I can honestly say it's heartbreaking at times to hear their conversations and my son is definitely suffering (lots of appointments cancelled, no speech and language, no physio for him, no paed appts for him). They're very aware their hobbies are all cancelled and they can't go anyway ( we are back in local lockdown ) Both get very angry and upset for seemingly no reason now.

I feel the opposite ! Baby is due in feb - it’s been the best time to be pregnant I think - cus I’m working at home so it’s relaxing - no commute! Missing nothing (like festivals all summer weren’t on - nights out etc)

My husband will be home with me when I’m off next year on mat leave (he will be working - but at least he’s around if I need him)

It means we can go back to Ireland for a While month or 2 to spend time with my family - we couldn’t have done that ore Covid as he’d have needed to be in the office) now we have more freedom to do things like that.

I really feel for all new mums and those with young toddlers, a lot of our local playgroups where mum and child come along to play, chat meet other parents are not open at the moment so they have now don’t have that social outlet . This is because they are run by childminders and currently we are not allowed to take the children we are looking after to any groups the public will be at. But it’s also due to all the extra cleaning that needs to be done, deep clean before session, clean all toys after and clean room etc we just dont have the time to do this. Then it’s making sure the parents and Children keep 2 meters apart. We have closed our playgroup this year and will re evaluate in January but the way it’s looking at the moment it’s not going to be open before Easter. None the parents ever helped put away or get toys they would just turn up and sit down and wait or just leave early to get out of it so you can guarantee they will not help with any of the cleaning. On top of that due to the restrictions of numbers allowed in the building we would have to have a rota system in place.

Oh and both have now had their birthdays during this. No parties. No people round to help them celebrate. No bloody birthday cards even because seemingly people can't be arsed sending cards to kids unless you provide them with a party to attend! It's been really hard to keep them happy about that !

Mine our teens now and I've never been crazy over other people's babies but in the supermarket the other day there was a sleep deprived mum with a baby (two months) and my heart exploded with joy, memories, empathy and sadness at what Covid has done to us all.
Please reach out to your older children's friends parents, I'm furloughed & bored and would welcome a friendly supportive chat. Mat leave friends are often short but special because it's such a crazy part of our lives.
Best wishes for the coming week.

The only thing that kept me sane was my weekly breastfeeding group. Being able to chat to real people about real problems to people who understand. I'm really sorry that you've not got those opportunities OP.

I noticed my mental health going south when lockdown put a stop to all of that and I don't think some people realise how important it is to have those opportunities so you're not isolated and you've got peers who can really empathise.

I hope things get better before you go back to work.

A toddler group opened for 2 weeks and was forced too close due too change in restrictions which meant no more than 5 adults can be in the same room (I went). They have just opened up some groups for babies up to 12 months as they can now have 10 adults in the room. The waitlist are massive. There is 2 groups running for babies over 12 months both are very expensive (£10 a session in one case for 30 minutes) but both have waitlist until after Christmas. There is literally nothing in my area open apart from these groups. Family swimming sessions have just opened again but are difficult too get a space in. There is no activities for ages 1 too 3 years open sadly.

I think maternity leave if you don’t have friends who also have babies is a bit shit because you have no destination. Sending hugs xx

I think you will have been having quality time with your daughter during lockdown. It's not often we have the opportunity to be so exclusively with our babies without any external pressures. Nobody knocking on the door, pushing you to go to baby groups, listening to inane conversations. It's just you and her and anyone in your bubble. Perfect peace. There's no greater quality time than that.

That’s great for some people @jessstan1 but OP has said she’s feeling bored and isolated. I really struggled when I had my DD and was lucky to have a fantastic support network of friends and family around me, plus a lovely friendly NCT group. The very worst thing for me would have been sat at home on my own with the baby all day. Don’t get me wrong I loved her to distraction (and I know you’re trying to present the positive side of lockdown) but it’s not everyone’s idea of ‘perfect peace’.

Massive sympathy, and to you op, and all the lockdown mums

(Ps I have a 2 year old who was 16 months when lockdown started and I’d still rather that than a newborn!)

I'll never get another mat leave or any quality time with her.

While you will never get another mat leave with her, you will definitely get quality time with her if you plan to have some.

I would have loved to have my baby/be pregnant during lockdown but then again I have overbearing relatives. I would have loved to have a 'rule of 15' at my wedding too...😬

OP I could have written your post this morning I think the sleep deprivation makes everything feel so so much worse though, my mood was far better when DD's sleep improved at 4 months and has plummeted again now we're in the midst of some heinous sleep regression. I have a 6.5 month old and was discharged from hospital on the day of lockdown. TBH I think I'm still slightly traumatized from the initial lockdown, not being able to get hold of formula because selfish f**kers were stockpiling it, and having no face to face visits from a health visitor despite being a first time mum. Now it's the monotony of the 'new normal' which just isn't normal for a young baby/child. All of our family are either abroad or in an area of the UK with stricter rules (we're in London) so either haven't seen them at all or can't currently. I'm sad that my baby didn't meet his grandparents until she was 4 months old and looks like will be months again before we see them, and very much doubt we will be able to spend Xmas together.
I work in the NHS and would desperately like to stick my child in nursery so I can go back to work asap but I know I wouldn't be able to do my job competently currently with the lack of sleep I am getting and the fact he is still permanently attached to my boob despite every effort to wean him/get him on a bottle.

Big hugs to you It's really shit and I don't think people not in this position currently can really appreciate the cumulative stress of all the little everyday difficulties that covid is causing - case in point, DD started screaming today because she was hungry but we had to wait about 10 minutes for the lift to take us up to the cafe where I could feed her due to the 1 household per lift policy - she also hates not being able to see my mouth due to the mask.

The thing that is helping me is getting out each day, even if just to the supermarket, and knowing how extreme this situation is. I hope we'll look back and congratulate ourselves for surviving.

Sympathies OP. With DD the things that got me through were activities up the creek - pregnancy yoga, rhyme time, buggy fitness, baby cinema... all sorts, I was out twice a day most days and loved the adult chats and friendship. My mental health would have suffered without. I was pregnant in early lockdown and lost the baby, which obviously makes me ambivalent about it all, but I recognise that not having that kind of support structure around would affect me profoundly. I hope things improve for you soon.

Haha, and trying to vaguely obscure my identity by not revealing the gender of my child - not sure how successful that was

I do really feel for you - it must have been a completely different maternity leave the you planned/hoped for. However having miscarried a baby that would have been due during lockdown, I wish that you were able to count your blessings. Hope things start to feel better for you soon!

No groups have reopened in my area. I adore my 4 month old and dreading going back to work but this isn't how I thought it would be.
This is baby #3 and a total surprise but kind of wish my maternity was last year so I could have done all the things I did with my other two.
Weather is rubbish now so even going for a walk isn't much fun

I understand OP. I've had 2 children and due my 3rd soon. The maternity care I've received (or not!) has been shocking, I'm in an area of local lockdown so the usual groups to meet new mums are all cancelled.
I had terrible PND with my other 2 and I stayed sane by going to mum and baby groups or the children's centre. There's literally nothing where I am now and we won't even be able to see family. I'm dreading it.