Nursery withholding DS drink

[T33l9]

My toddler (new to nursery) has been returning home with a full drink cup, as in - not being given his juice.

It is sugar free and heavily diluted so it's not unhealthy.

After doing some reading online it appears that alot of nurseries have a blanket rule of 'no juice' but this hasn't been communicated with me.

My problem is that he is a restricted eater/drinker due to having additional needs and I'm concerned he's not getting sufficient fluids. He may take a sip of water if he's totally parched, if they're lucky, but he certainly won't take in enough. When he gets home he screams and shouts for juice because he's overly thirsty.

AIBU to tell them to let him have the juice I'm sending him in with?

Juice is a fairly recent invention, I don't think any child died of dehydration as they waited the millennia for it to be invented

But that's irrelevant as it has been invented.

OP I agree with others to talk to the nursery, it could be that he does drink milk or water there (it's funny how many children will drink/eat/nap when they won't at home), in which case at ours they are happy to mark when they have drank and roughly how much. Sure they are busy, but if the ratios are right it's not an outrageous request, just for a few sessions to give you some reassurance; but that depend on whether you trust them as well I guess! Other than that, say about the squash, maybe you could leave a bottle of it there rather than send it a mixed bottle as they might not be permitted if they can't confirm what it is? Some childcare settings do have rules like that, so I would discuss and see how you can both come to something that suits.

Definitely discuss it with them.

My DS nursery had a no juice policy, however DS at the time simply would not drink plain water. He has a complex medical background and we had to prioritise hydration over anything else - with full support of the doctors (and dentist!). We discussed this with the nursery, and he was allowed to take a bottle of squash in with him (like yours - sugar free, heavily diluted etc, we also put it in a coloured bottle so the other kids wouldn't see that what he was having was different) for him to have. We agreed that they would offer water first, but if he wasn't drinking enough (obviously, letting them know what constituted enough for him) then to let him have his normal drink.

I would have assumed you'd have discussed his additional needs with them in general, so this just needs to be discussed as well. And if you haven't discussed any of it with them - make sure you do!

Why have they been pouring the squash away?

I can't stand blanket rules. I also can't stand the "oh the nursery knows best you must do as they say" response so many give when a parent challenges a way of doing things. I would rather a child was sufficiently hydrated than not; plain water may be 'best' but for me the wish to promote the drinking of plain water is not sufficient reason to deny children who will refuse it until very thirsty an alternative.

I assume so he doesn't request it.

If their policy is no juice and they've confirmed they haven't been giving him his juice, yet it sometimes comes home empty, that certainly indicates to me that they're pouring it away.. surely?

Again I'll get confirmation of that later on but it certainly looks that way doesn't it.

Do you dilute the juice that he takes to the nursery more than you would at home? Just wondering if he has noticed a difference in flavour?

Or is he only allowed it with his lunch? Because most places have set times to eat and perhaps he doesn't have enough time to have a proper drink?

I thought you were being unreasonable until I saw it was a specialist SN nursery and that the drink is kept in the same box as the food you send in for him.

So I don’t think you’re unreasonable to be concerned, but obviously you have to talk to them (as you’ve said you’re going to).

I don’t have a disabled child but I’m very surprised by some of the unsympathetic/ignorant comments parents of disabled children get on AIBU. There was a thread a few weeks ago from the mum of a severely autistic teenage boy who was hitting her and kicking her, and she got responses like ‘meh, do some parenting, it’s your fault for not setting boundaries’ etc. I feel like it doesn’t take a genius to work out that parenting a severely autistic teenager might not be the same as parenting an NT one. Same goes for a disabled toddler.

I say this because my daughter is supplied a drink with her lunch but has her own bottle for break time. However she doesn't often have much at break time because it takes her a while to eat her fruit and then time is up!

I always diulte his juice to the same degree. Given how restrictive he is - he would notice a big difference and refuse the juice if it was hugely different.

I dilute it a fair bit, but not so much that you can't taste the flavour. It is weak though.

He is an outright water refuser at home so I'd be very surprised if he's drinking alot of it at nursery. We've always offered and encouraged it but won't let him go dehydrated if he rejects it, he gets juice.

I'm a nursery practitioner. I can almost guarantee that he is drinking water or milk at nursery rather than his juice. Every year we have lots of parents who swear blind to us that their child will only drink squash or juice and insist on sending drink in. Every single one drinks water with us with no problem whatsoever, even those referred to paeds for restrictive eating or dietary issues. As a side note, many of the restrictive eaters eat things with us that they won't at home. We are not allowed to give them their own cups anyway due to cross contamination from other children, many of whom will just pick up any bottle and drink. It also goes against our healthy eating policy.

Also the dry nappy at home time is probably because like every nursery I've ever worked at, they most likely have a policy of changing nappies just before home time.

Speak to your nursery, I'm sure they will be able to reassure you.

I think the most important thing is here that you learn how to communicate with the nursery on an on-going basis. A lot of questions will arise over time and you need to find the best way to work with them.

Maybe he does drink water when he is there and the staff has no concern about it. Usually drinks have to be made available all day, and offered at regular interval. Many children will learn from what the other kids are doing, and if everyone has water, then your DS might be drinking that as well.

Weird to get so her up about it and start Googling and guessing at their no-juice stance. Call them or talk at pick up, but normally you’d just say your worried he’s not drinking enough and they’ll say they’ll offer it to him a bit more.

@SamsMumsCateracts Every year we have lots of parents who swear blind to us that their child will only drink squash or juice and insist on sending drink in. Every single one drinks water with us with no problem whatsoever, even those referred to paeds for restrictive eating or dietary issues. As a side note, many of the restrictive eaters eat things with us that they won't at home.. I think you’re right for some but I have a 15 year old (SN) who categorically would not have drunk or eaten anything not on his list. I expect you’ve just never met a true restricted eater and/or they just happened to eat the things you offer.

I don't think it's weird to research whether most nurseries have a no juice policy before mentioning it at pick up, especially because this was never mentioned to me. I wanted to know whether this was a common theme.

Is it not more strange that my son is returning home with an empty juice bottle multiple times as it's now been confirmed that they won't give him his juice.

My partner addressed it at drop off and I'll ask for it all to be clarified at pick up.

The communication works both ways. I've been sending him with juice since July assuming it's the done thing, only to be told now months later that it's not.

All three of my children always came / come out of nursery and ask for a drinks straight away

The nursery is excellent but I do think they have drinks at set times and in smaller volumes than at home. They have their own water bottles but I am not sure how much they are given them to drink during the day ......

It's really odd that you weren't given a copy of their policies when you started. I'd ask for a copy of their handbook or policies if they don't have one. They have to exist somewhere. No juice is a very common rule and been in place at the nurseries our kids have attended even the SEN one. I'd be fine with them giving him water but I'd want it measured. Send him in with a water bottle with the ml measured out on the side. Then ask them to record it in his communication book.

DP has been told that they are going to send home news letters to parents outlining the protocol with food and drink so we'll see what that says.

It's hard to know whether I'm being unreasonable half the time which is why I've came here twice for separate issues.

This will be the third change they have either enforced or wanted to and I'm just a bit pissed off with it all. I know my son and we're happy with his development and routine so far (despite his SEN)

He needs his dummy so I have no intention of removing it yet. I'm fine with him drinking juice if it means he's sufficiently hydrated so I'm not pleased about them enforcing a blanket rule without at least discussing that with me so I'm aware.

Why continue to accept his bottled juice since July, pour it away half the time, and only tell me now months later that they don't give them juice after we've raised a concern about his hydration

@T33l9

I don't think it's weird to research whether most nurseries have a no juice policy before mentioning it at pick up, especially because this was never mentioned to me. I wanted to know whether this was a common theme.

Is it not more strange that my son is returning home with an empty juice bottle multiple times as it's now been confirmed that they won't give him his juice.

My partner addressed it at drop off and I'll ask for it all to be clarified at pick up.

The communication works both ways. I've been sending him with juice since July assuming it's the done thing, only to be told now months later that it's not.

They might have assumed it was for after nursery just as you assumed they were providing it. Clear communication from your end is the best thing - best thing to do if you’re worried is call them during the day and ask how he’s doing. Nurseries are used to getting calls from parents in the day and it can help you get an idea of how he’s coping. It it’s a good or outstanding nursery many even have downloadable apps to document progress and for parents to message the team via - make use of them.

I’d send water as he needs to get used to this. When he goes to school they will not allow juice. Most nurseries don’t either as water is far healthier. Use it as a learning tool for him to get used to water .

Yes we were never given an information sheet on policies or anything like that.

They've accepted his drinks bottle since July and not once told us about the blanket "no juice"

I think refusing children juice in general is ridiculous but if that's what a parent wants to do then it's their prerogative. It's not down to nursery or school to dictate what children consume.

I have two DSS' (one who has autism) and whilst they are encouraged to drink water and eat fruit, they're certainly not deprived of juice.

This level of control annoys me.

My son has Autism and he will only drink out of a particular bottle and it has to be a certain colour drink.
And no before anyone says anything we have tried and Therapists have tried to get him to drink out of a normal cup and to have other coloured drinks which then he refused to drink for 2 days before we had to to give up trying.
His nursery and school have been fantastic and after a meeting were absolutely fine with it.
If he does have a valid reason then you need to tell his nursery, he needs to drink.

Try and see it from their point of view. They promote water drinking, with good reason. They prefer all children to be treated fairly in this respect. They can see that your ds is drinking the water he is offered, so they tip the juice away. You haven’t raised an issue (so far) so they don’t think there is one.

I do think they should have told you that they have tipped his juice away and explained why, though. Are you sure they have done this? I think you might have said ‘assume’ but I can’t find the exact post now. Just clarify this point first, when you raise it later.

Good luck op, it sounds as though you have a lot to deal with.

DS is on the pathway for an autism diagnosis himself. He does have (confirmed) global developmental delay and sensory processing disorder.

Can you not just call the nursery and ask them? Seems like a lot of drama over a minor thing and you don’t actually know he’s not drinking much when he’s there

Hugs OP.
I would be shamelessly determined to check he is getting enough fluid. Been to a similar place. Tee shirt now threadbare.