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AIBU?

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Original poster

Nursery withholding DS drink

277 replies

T33l9 · 12/10/2020 08:33

My toddler (new to nursery) has been returning home with a full drink cup, as in - not being given his juice.

It is sugar free and heavily diluted so it's not unhealthy.

After doing some reading online it appears that alot of nurseries have a blanket rule of 'no juice' but this hasn't been communicated with me.

My problem is that he is a restricted eater/drinker due to having additional needs and I'm concerned he's not getting sufficient fluids. He may take a sip of water if he's totally parched, if they're lucky, but he certainly won't take in enough. When he gets home he screams and shouts for juice because he's overly thirsty.

AIBU to tell them to let him have the juice I'm sending him in with?

OP posts:
Original poster
T33l9 · 12/10/2020 08:56

They're aware of his restricted diet which I discussed with them at the start, the contents of his lunch box are all beige foods and I explained why. He has been referred to a dietician via our paed to address the restrictive eating.

OP posts:
Clymene · 12/10/2020 08:56

If they provide food and drink, they're not going to expect that you will send a drink in with him.

Just talk to them, don't make it into a drama.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/10/2020 08:57

@Goldencurtain

Juice is a fairly recent invention, I don't think any child died of dehydration as they waited the millennia for it to be invented.
Kids with restrictive diets either would have died or been force fed via a tube etc. Ops son has additional needs and a restrictive diet because of this. She isn't a snowflake, he isn't the PFB, he isn't just being fussy to screw with her.
Clymene · 12/10/2020 08:58

Sorry, so they don't provide food and drink?

I think most people have replied assuming they do - I did.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/10/2020 08:59

@T33l9

They're aware of his restricted diet which I discussed with them at the start, the contents of his lunch box are all beige foods and I explained why. He has been referred to a dietician via our paed to address the restrictive eating.
I'd just raise it as a query, that you've noticed he's barely touched his bottle and he's always really thirsty on the way home, can they please encourage him to drink from his bottle during the day.

If he's only having sips of water out of desperation and coercion, that's not going to help long term. Do you get a record of nappy changed or are they done as standard every X hours?

slipperywhensparticus · 12/10/2020 08:59

Is he peeing ok? Unless its very dark I would make the assumption that he is sufficiently hydrated

When they stopped our kids from accessing their drinks constantly they demanded a drink at pick up didnt wait till home (the policy didn't last long)

WiggleSquiggle · 12/10/2020 09:01

You may find he has lots of water/milk there as he’s in a different surroundings, and with other children who are doing the same.
Obviously it’s harder to say as he has additional needs, but I know my DC eats everything in sight at nursery and both tell how much they loved whatever they’ve had to eat, but they will touch hardly anything at home.

picklemewalnuts · 12/10/2020 09:01

Definitely check his pee. If he isn't wetting, or pee is dark there's an issue. If not, then it's less urgent to address.

Original poster
T33l9 · 12/10/2020 09:01

They know the bottle is there yes, it's kept with his lunch box.

They don't provide food parents send their own for snack time and lunch.

It's a private nursery.

I'm not 'making it into a drama' I'm annoyed because my child isn't being given his drink.

It's up to me what I send him in with, I'm not asking them to buy the juice.

OP posts:
Ickabog · 12/10/2020 09:02

They don't provide food parents send their own for snack time and lunch.

It's a private nursery.

I think that's why people are perhaps getting confused, as that's very unusual for a private nursery.

Notcontent · 12/10/2020 09:04

A small amount of juice is ok but there is no such thing as SUGAR FREE juice. All juice has sugar from fruit, which actually makes it really sugary. But I can understand you diluting it to make sure he drinks something. Maybe over time dilute it even more, gradually. E.g. 1/4 juice to 3/4 water. I used to do that for my dd when she was little.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/10/2020 09:06

It's up to me what I send him in with, I'm not asking them to buy the juice. They'll have rules in place. Same as if you sent him with a cold MacDonalds and a can of coke and said but it's my choice. Their nursery, their rules. HOWEVER this is about his additional needs and reasonable adjustment. So is go in with a query of concern, is he refusing to drink from it etc rather than why haven't you given it and see what they say. I'm not sure they'd even know it's juice so I wonder if they're offering water not realising there's an issue.

schafernaker · 12/10/2020 09:08

In honesty if he’s there today and you’ve not already mention it I’d be giving them a call to make sure it’s sorted today. I’d just politely ask for them to encourage him to drink more as he’s been really thirsty at home after nursery recently. If there’s a problem with the juice they will likely then mention it

Original poster
T33l9 · 12/10/2020 09:10

His book states 'wet when changed' on the days he's there but he's always dry when he comes home, they don't say what time they do the nappy changes just whether he was wet/dirty.

He only goes on Mondays and Tuesdays at the moment but these are whole days.

I'm not happy about the level of control they try to exert, given that he's only there two days per week. This isn't the only thing I'm annoyed about but it is the latest.

If they have a no juice policy (which is ridiculous given that the place is full of SEN kids) then it wasn't communicated with me.

Had they told me this, I could have had the conversation sooner.

OP posts:
Original poster
T33l9 · 12/10/2020 09:13

My partner takes him on Monday mornings and he's going to raise it when he gets there, I'm also going to ask for confirmation when I collect him later on.

Naively, we assumed they were refilling his drink bottle. They're not. It's the same juice he leaves with.

OP posts:
BoudiccasBoudoir · 12/10/2020 09:15

I spoke to my water refuser DS nursery about the same thing. Apparently he drank all water and milk offered. Turns out he only water refuses at home. We are now weaning off the squash

SarahAndQuack · 12/10/2020 09:17

@Goldencurtain

Juice is a fairly recent invention, I don't think any child died of dehydration as they waited the millennia for it to be invented.
I'm sorry, I do know what this is getting at, honest ... but it made me crack up.

I'm just picturing our prehistoric ancestors sitting sadly around the mushy fruits they'd just gathered, wondering when someone would come along and show them how to drink that liquid that was slowly dripping away.

Other than that I agree with the 'talk to the nursery' message. Also, if he's young enough to be still in nappies and they note down changes, you could get some clue if he's drinking enough from how much he's weeing?

pastandpresent · 12/10/2020 09:19

Op, you haven't even talk to the nursery yet, you don't even know if they have no juice policy.

You do sound too stressed already. Sounds like you aren't happy with this nursery over all, which seems to be making you feel this way about every little detail.

zingally · 12/10/2020 09:19

He'll only drink juice, because that's what you've conditioned him to drink.

If only milk or water is available at nursery, he won't let himself die of thirst. Children, even those with additional needs, have fantastic self-preservation skills.

Funnily enough, the human race survived for millennia before the arrival of juice...

However, if he's got additional needs, why didn't you mention this to nursery sooner? If it's that important, reasonable adjustments can be made. But if these "additional needs" are actually just "fussy kid", then it's a bit tough.

Original poster
T33l9 · 12/10/2020 09:20

Thank you for your replies

In regards to weeing: his book always states that he was wet when changed but he's always bone dry when he gets home.

I need to establish whether this is because they're changing him again before pick up.

Generally he wees alot but is clearly weeing less when at nursery.

OP posts:
Ickabog · 12/10/2020 09:20

I'm not happy about the level of control they try to exert

This is quite a concerning statement. You really don't sound happy with the nursery, are there other options locally you could look into?

SquashedSpring · 12/10/2020 09:21

Did they ask you to bring a drink in? The nursery I used didn't provide food, but they provided milk or water throughout the day.

Does your son appear to be very thirsty when he gets in? If not, that would suggest that he's been drinking throughout the day.

Definitely have a word with them, as you need to know what's going on.

Original poster
T33l9 · 12/10/2020 09:23

You do sound too stressed already. Sounds like you aren't happy with this nursery over all, which seems to be making you feel this way about every little detail.

Unfortunately you're correct. This is just another one of many issues so I appreciate it may seem like I'm over reacting. When I address one thing then there's always something else.

However, if he's got additional needs, why didn't you mention this to nursery sooner? If it's that important, reasonable adjustments can be made. But if these "additional needs" are actually just "fussy kid", then it's a bit tough.

They're well aware of his SEN, that's why he's at this specific nursery. He's not just a fussy kid he has disabilities.

OP posts:
northstars · 12/10/2020 09:25

Did you not mention that he only drinks juice when he began nursery, or all this time?

SleepingStandingUp · 12/10/2020 09:25

@T33l9

His book states 'wet when changed' on the days he's there but he's always dry when he comes home, they don't say what time they do the nappy changes just whether he was wet/dirty.

He only goes on Mondays and Tuesdays at the moment but these are whole days.

I'm not happy about the level of control they try to exert, given that he's only there two days per week. This isn't the only thing I'm annoyed about but it is the latest.

If they have a no juice policy (which is ridiculous given that the place is full of SEN kids) then it wasn't communicated with me.

Had they told me this, I could have had the conversation sooner.

It seems unusual for a private nursery to be full of SEN kids given the proportion of SEN kids is quite low. Are they advertised as a specialist nursery?
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