Nursery withholding DS drink

[T33l9]

My toddler (new to nursery) has been returning home with a full drink cup, as in - not being given his juice.

It is sugar free and heavily diluted so it's not unhealthy.

After doing some reading online it appears that alot of nurseries have a blanket rule of 'no juice' but this hasn't been communicated with me.

My problem is that he is a restricted eater/drinker due to having additional needs and I'm concerned he's not getting sufficient fluids. He may take a sip of water if he's totally parched, if they're lucky, but he certainly won't take in enough. When he gets home he screams and shouts for juice because he's overly thirsty.

AIBU to tell them to let him have the juice I'm sending him in with?

Glad you got it sorted. Just want to add another angle. Promoting healthy eating and drinking is an expectation of a Nursery. OFSTED do check on this and so the practitioners are not trying to be difficult or controlling this is part of their remit and they are just doing their job to encourage healthy eating and drinking. I agree that parents should be made aware when they register so that they know what they are signing up to, however as many have pointed out it is a blanket rule in most settings because it is outlined in the national guidance for Early Years. I would expect some flexibility for you child's SEN but what you are experiencing in terms of drink policy is very much the norm.

Thank you for the subsequent replies after my last update, I didn't want PP's to go unanswered.

Indeed I'm very pleased that DS is warming to water, there months ago he wouldn't have taken a cup of it even if he was dehydrating; so the nursery have done well to have him adapt. I'll be sure to keep an open communication with them in future and have asked that they do the same with me, so we can avoid any more misunderstandings.

What if the mother is young and inexperienced or it’s their first child or they live in a remote area and need advice or have anxiety issues

I agree with you RE some of the needlessly spiteful replies on here and other threads. Coincidentally i am young (ish) and suffer terribly with anxiety.

Luckily I'm fairly resilient to those types of tones on MN as I frequent this board often under my other username, which I changed before posting as I just KNEW I would get some of that

mine still won't drink. in hot summer weather they have lemonade for breakfast on the basis that any liquid is better than no liquid and dehydration with 17 hours of not drinking at all.

OP, in many special schools exceptions to the norms are accommodated for youngsters who have ASD. No doubt the nursing staff will be involved to monitor health. Restricted diet is a fairly common problem. Often the approach used is a compromising kind of one: staff try to gently limit the behaviours they don't want and encourage the positive alternatives. It's not usual to go cold turkey, in my experience. Also OP, I think that, in schools which have an ASD unit/provision, and some inclusion, it is normal to explain to the neuro typical children that some of their peers need a little more time to learn the rules and allowances will be made for them. The mainstream kids often accept the different approach, when it is explained to them. They can see for themselves that the ASD learners have impaired abilities to accept change and limited social understanding. We rely on the understanding of neurotypical learners to make inclusion work. And often society is understanding, and people do feel positive about being part of a diverse group.

Let's be truthful, if the nursery staff were aware that your son has an attachment to juice, they could surreptitiously take him to a quiet area to drink it. I think that issues to do with not drinking/ eating/pooing can be hard to untrain.

If they aren’t giving him his drink they should talk to you about it. I’d definitely say something and make sure they don’t do it again. YANBU.

@T33l9 - you’re doing well managing things OP .
Glad the water consumption seems to have made progress that’s hopefully one thing less for you to worry about .
It’s so challenging being a first time mum , there always seems to be something new to think about .
I do remember well the “project “ of removing my daughters dummy 😩 ....and
The potty training honestly put years on me !!
However motherhood is a wonderful journey ( most days ! )
Good luck and enjoy your little boy .

I think it is worth saying, as a more general observation, that it isn't only a question of balancing what seems to make the child happy, on the one hand, against what is healthy. Unfortunately, when autistic traits exist, distressed behaviour can result from insisting on what the adults, quite logically, consider to be natural and normal. I have known autistic peers in my son's school who only eat plain carbohydrates; and one boy of fifteen who would only drink pepsi at school. The school worked to ameliorate the situation, but I don't think they ever thought this could happen overnight. I've also known a twelve year old who would refuse to drink fluids at all for days if he didn't like the tone of his mother when she suggested that he should leave his computer to fetch his own drink. As a parent it often feels as if it is a question of taking a softly, softly approach until the time that a behaviour strategy can be put in place with the help of professionals who have experience of such restricted behaviours ( behaviours which can often seem to morph into obsessive behaviours). I imagine that parents of children who have eating disorders also don't find it a straightforward business to help their children to care for their health.
Unfortunately, some developmental and mental health conditions are accompanied by complex thought processes and behaviours. A gentle approach often works well.
My son's class temporarily moved to a setting, for sixth form, where there was one of those fun cool water dispensers: very sensory. The students were restricted from using it because it belonged to the other evening service users. For about three years after this first term, my son became rather obsessed with wanting to drink water and always having small bottles of ice cold mineral water with him. He used to have a little cool bag with ice packs, and sometimes used to want to glug water back , and I would always need to supervise his drinking, as did his support workers at school, in case he made himself retch. So it was a long process to finally help him to just carry one little bottle, or not take one out at all. The GP made regular checks to be sure that there were no underlying health conditions accounting for the desire to drink water.
Trying to compromise a little works well in my opinion.

OP, I'm so pleased to hear that it is all sorted and your DS is getting enough to drink. We struggled with our youngest being the same when he came home from nursery, crying for a drink then having loads. He had an unnoticed tongue tie and due to this couldn't eat proper solids or suck well until he was about 15 months, which probably didn't help. Nursery couldn't allow unrestricted access to their sippy cups at that age as they'd all end up picking up each others but as soon as we raised it they made sure he got a lot more, and more time to drink his drink. It was distressing him coming home so thirsty though so I just wanted to say I understand why you were wanting to vent!

You sound like a nightmare parent. I'm pretty sure he drinks at nursery. He probably has a tantrum at home for juice because you reinforce it I'm some way.
It isnt up to you what you send in. Don't be silly. There are rules in place.
Yes your son has special needs but you'll probably find he does loads at nursery and for others he won't do for you.

@AddictedToLoveIsland how did that help?

@AddictedToLoveIsland do you feel better now? Managed to put down a mother enough? Make you feel good about your perfect parenting skills?

Now go back and click the button which shows all Ops posts and read her updates then wind your neck in.

Glad you got this sorted OP. Hope DH will learn the importance of clear communication!

My son is an adult now but SEN and as a child refused to drink milk from 3 months old so we had to mix it with baby rice etc. He hasn’t drunk it since. He would only drink squash as a child and I would have made sure all nursery staff and teachers were aware. Look at the colour of his wee after nursery and that will tell you if he is getting dehydrated. If he is tell them that too.

@AddictedToLoveIsland

Lots of nursery’s have no juice policy even if it is sugar free. Normally it’s a water or milk policy. Unless your son has a special fluid diet you shouldn’t send him in with fruit juice. What happens if another kid accidentally takes it and drinks it and has an allergic reaction to a certain fruit.

I think refusing children juice in general is ridiculous but if that's what a parent wants to do then it's their prerogative. It's not down to nursery or school to dictate what children consume.

Absolutely it is. If you send your child to nursery you have to accept that they won't do everything exactly how you do it because, shock, sometimes they know better

@Laaalaaaa

From your post it sounds like you haven’t actually discussed it with them, just googled why it might be the case. Surely to god the first thing to do is communicate with them. It’s not hard.

This

@AddictedToLoveIsland

You sound like a nightmare parent. I'm pretty sure he drinks at nursery. He probably has a tantrum at home for juice because you reinforce it I'm some way. It isnt up to you what you send in. Don't be silly. There are rules in place. Yes your son has special needs but you'll probably find he does loads at nursery and for others he won't do for you.

You sound lovely

Glad that you got this sorted, OP.

My DS had an ASD diagnosis when younger, though you wouldn’t notice now. I sent him to a SEN section of a private school (mistake) and there they tried to force him to eat a crisp under the guise of ‘exploring textures’. He threw a wobbly. I feel your pain. It will get easier for you, I hope, as it did for us.

Why don't posters read back a bit before chucking their two pe'neth in.
Rocking up late in the thread, posting unhelpful comments, makes them look daft 😁

I don't think OP is a mind-reader. If the cup is empty at the end of nursery, it's logical to assume that the juice has been consumed. It would be confusing to learn that juice is forbidden if you don't think you were told this at enrollment. You have to be a bit tactful about what you say, hence research a bit, or ask other helpful mums on a supportive anonymous forum.

Childcare is not an exact science, unless being delivered in hospital. So if nursery staff say ' sips are taken' what does this signify: every 15 minutes, one tiny sip every half hour? Everyone would like to avoid asking for exact information to be ticked off and charted: it's an uncomfortable conversation.

To be honest, I think the reason it isn't valid or helpful to say all these: ' you sound a nightmare ' type comments, apart from the personal side of distressing someone, is that worry where kids are concerned is a good thing because it will encourage you to look out for their safety and question what might be happening. As long as you chat it over and ask advice, this is better than being cowed because you've been shamed and put down in the past, so that you avoid causing any waves when your instincts tell you things may not be right. It could be someone else's child you feel concern for. It's good to be constructive and supportive rather than dismissive.

@T33l9

My toddler (new to nursery) has been returning home with a full drink cup, as in - not being given his juice.

It is sugar free and heavily diluted so it's not unhealthy.

After doing some reading online it appears that alot of nurseries have a blanket rule of 'no juice' but this hasn't been communicated with me.

My problem is that he is a restricted eater/drinker due to having additional needs and I'm concerned he's not getting sufficient fluids. He may take a sip of water if he's totally parched, if they're lucky, but he certainly won't take in enough. When he gets home he screams and shouts for juice because he's overly thirsty.

AIBU to tell them to let him have the juice I'm sending him in with?

I would have picked him up once with a full cup and stayed to talk to staff. Explained to them his situation. It's very dangerous for a small child to be dehydrated. Make sure you discuss it fully with them. Whatever their rules are not all children are the same x

My youngest has no additional needs and refuses to drink plain water. Yeah the juice isn't great, it's not as good as water but we go for the more healthy/very dilated option too and I'm not worried as long as she's hydrated. Eldest rarely drinks anything other than water. The school isn't fussed. They don't want a dehydrated child either.