Nursery withholding DS drink

[T33l9]

My toddler (new to nursery) has been returning home with a full drink cup, as in - not being given his juice.

It is sugar free and heavily diluted so it's not unhealthy.

After doing some reading online it appears that alot of nurseries have a blanket rule of 'no juice' but this hasn't been communicated with me.

My problem is that he is a restricted eater/drinker due to having additional needs and I'm concerned he's not getting sufficient fluids. He may take a sip of water if he's totally parched, if they're lucky, but he certainly won't take in enough. When he gets home he screams and shouts for juice because he's overly thirsty.

AIBU to tell them to let him have the juice I'm sending him in with?

I haven't actually tried him with flavoured water before, I think they would check before giving it to him though, as they haven't been giving him his drinks bottle at all. They've been giving him water to sip from a cup.

I disagree that there isn't a hypocrisy though. If you are drinking sugary drinks then refusing a child in your care diluted juice then you are a hypocrite.

This just brings it home just how little control parents have wrt their children these days. You want to give them juice? Nope sorry, not allowed

Autistic child refuses water, we'll just deprive them of juice until they have no alternative but to drink the water they don't want.

It’s a bit like saying your child should be allowed to smoke because the adults around him do.

I think you are getting terribly confrontational before even talking to them about it.

From a healthy eating point of view it’s his teeth I’d worry about rather than sugars (ie acidic drinks dipped through the day cause decay). If they can shift him on to water I think that would be fabulous.

Have a discussion and try the flavoured water.

Schools wanting children to mainly drink water isn’t hypocrisy, it makes a lot of sense. Reasonable adjustment says that won’t work for all children but the key is communicating the issue rather than getting angry and keeping on sending it in no matter what - that helps nobody

MN you just keep him home if you don’t like the service, but I really doubt they won’t help if you highlight the problem.

The fact he's shouting for juice as soon as he gets home, downing it in a minute, then wanting another, speaks volumes.

Is there any chance he could be drinking the water there because he has no choice but then wants the juice as soon as he's home because he knows he can have it?

It's frustrating because how are you supposed to know if the nursery are being honest about how much he's drinking when they're saying he's drinking something he refuses to drink at home?

She hasn’t even talked to them about it yet.

I disagree that there isn't a hypocrisy though. If you are drinking sugary drinks then refusing a child in your care diluted juice then you are a hypocrite.

I think all adults do things that they wouldn't allow children in their care to do. I don't think many parents would be happy if nursery staff allowed their kids to have the same diet they do, giving them coffee etc! In fairness, the nursery staff won't be making up the rules themselves, they'll be following health advice for the kids.

DP brought his bottle of juice home after dropping DS off as we now know about the policy and they have said he is drinking sufficient water.

I'm going to speak to them this afternoon and will ask that his water intake is recorded so I can be sure he's getting enough fluid.

I will then discuss a reasonable adjustment.

I'm not going to go in being confrontational as it's not in my nature, I'm just annoyed today as it has been a cumulative effect of one thing after another. I can vent here without repercussions but obviously i won't go into nursery spouting off about them drinking tea and coffee etc.

I'm going to come across to them more reasonable than I have here, rest assured.

Personally I'd be pleased my child's nursery were able to persuade them to drink water and not have a dummy during the day - both good things for health and development and if he's doing them at nursery it will be easier to get him to do them at home when you're ready.

Cross posted. If he's drinking enough after what reasonable adjustment is needed?

*water that should say.

@peachgreen

Cross posted. If he's drinking enough after what reasonable adjustment is needed?

I don't know that he is.

He's coming home very thirsty.

If they record his fluid intake then I can be assured he's having enough water and won't need a reasonable adjustment.

As it stands we've only just found out they're pouring away his juice and he's only having small amounts of water, categorised as "sips" in his book.

If it turns out that he's not drinking enough water, then that's when I'll ask for a reasonable adjustment.

I'm not happy about the juice dictating but I will be reasonable.

I think possibly you think you are not confrontational but you are already girding you’re loins for battling for a reasonable adjustment you don’t know he needs. I think you are struggling with sharing his care and need to think how you can manage it less stressfully.

@zingally

If only milk or water is available at nursery, he won't let himself die of thirst. Children, even those with additional needs, have fantastic self-preservation skills

Kids can and do refuse to eat/drink things that are not their safe foods when they have ALN. I have a child with ARFID, when I was told this bullshit you are perpetuating that ‘he won’t starve himself’ and was told to not give him the safe foods, he ended up on hospital. Don’t spread dangerous misinformation you clearly don’t know anything about.

Do you know how much fluid he should be drinking a day? Do they? What is that amount. Are his lips dry? Is he constipated?

I think for a SEN nursery it's ridiculous.
Mainstream I would understand but even with mainstream special measures should be put in place depending on the child, their needs and what is stated in a care plan.

I work with SEN in an education setting and I also have a son with ASD/ADHD.
In my opinion it is actually a safeguarding issue.
It's a deprivation of Liberty and he has a right to have access to fluid. Unless they have paperwork and a DOLS in place they shouldn't be refusing him any drinks at all.
If you're sure that he will not be consuming their water then it's quite serious.

A lot of people may not understand but often a child/adult with SEN will and can completely refuse alternatives to the point of severe dehydration and death.

We have had students on a diet of solely Jaffa cakes. Unhealthy and causes medical issues to the point of needing PEG etc yes, but unfortunately there's no changing them same with individuals that eat plastic or soil. They are who they are.

We have students that will only drink Lemonade. It's not healthy and we don't want to promote it but they have a right to choose. Forcing an alternative and taking away their right is actually abuse.

I would be very upset by this also OP and would expect so much more from a SEN placement.
If they don't want others to see which I do understand he should be offered his juice in private. I would ask for a fluid intake chart to be started.

I have never expected my children to be able to drink water or milk in any educational setting I’m surprised that you’re so surprised that it’s not allowed
I’ve never seen it written down although I’ve never gone looking for that specific instruction either

Oh and in terms of toilet training at nurseries I don’t think that is the norm that nurseries expect children to be trained at 2 1/2 maybe you just got unlucky at that particular nursery you looked at

OP, I totally understand your frustration but please don't mention hypocrisy when you speak to.the nursery as that is barking up the wrong tree.
Ask the nursery to accurately monitor and record his fluid intake for a few sessions along with a note of wet nappies. Try to work with them not against them, you have chosen them to care for your child.

Why do you keep calling it diluted juice when the picture you posted was squash which is obviously diluted?

Because that's what squash is called in some areas?

I think you are struggling with sharing his care and need to think how you can manage it less stressfully

Possibly, I will take that.

I admit I'm sensitive to being told how to parent my child. Telling me to remove his dummy because he's "too old" at 2.5 hit a nerve as I know for absolute certain that he's not ready. If he can't find it when he needs it he will smash his head on the floor, literally. If I were to listen to them on the provision of them knowing best then DS will be traumatised. No exaggeration.

My back was up about that and then we discover that they're pouring away his juice and enforcing a water only rule, when we have ample experience of DS refusing water. It concerned me. At no point was we told he couldn't have juice.

DP raised it this morning and they have assured him that DS is drinking enough water, so I want to be sure of that.

@T33l9 if they don't allow juice can I suggest Twinings Cold Infuse tea, its fruit flavoured and has no sugar, artificial sweeteners or colours. My ds with asd loves them and his school accepts it. If not could you give him a water bottle with some fruit chunks in it.
I fully understand why you are upset about this as my ds will not drink any plain water and has ended up in hospital with dehydration and heat stroke because the person who was taking care of him believed that "he'll drink it if he's thirsty enough " even after i had explained that he won't. Unsurprisingly that was the first and last time that person has ever been allowed to look after him.

I think you do need to relax about the squash thing as they won’t take you seriously if you go on about hypocrisy etc. Asking for a fluid diary seems sensible and then if there is an issue you can ask for an adjustment.

As another poster said, I think you were unlucky with the other nursery Re potty training. Most of my daughter’s friends were not reliably potty trained at 21/2. Most were getting there but not completely sorted. She didn’t properly get it until 3 and was by no means the only one. Our nursery wouldn’t have batted an eyelid at an older child with additional needs in nappies.

@HazelWong

Why do you keep calling it diluted juice when the picture you posted was squash which is obviously diluted?

That's what we call it. Juice.

So for the purpose of this thread I'll remember to refer to it as 'squash'

However even if I send him with fresh orange juice they're still going to pour it away or leave it in his bag untouched because the only drink they want them having is water.

@Todaythiscouldbe

OP, I totally understand your frustration but please don't mention hypocrisy when you speak to.the nursery as that is barking up the wrong tree. Ask the nursery to accurately monitor and record his fluid intake for a few sessions along with a note of wet nappies. Try to work with them not against them, you have chosen them to care for your child.

Oh I know, I agree.

I won't be mentioning the hypocrisy.

This is just me venting.

I come across differently in person.