Nursery withholding DS drink

[T33l9]

My toddler (new to nursery) has been returning home with a full drink cup, as in - not being given his juice.

It is sugar free and heavily diluted so it's not unhealthy.

After doing some reading online it appears that alot of nurseries have a blanket rule of 'no juice' but this hasn't been communicated with me.

My problem is that he is a restricted eater/drinker due to having additional needs and I'm concerned he's not getting sufficient fluids. He may take a sip of water if he's totally parched, if they're lucky, but he certainly won't take in enough. When he gets home he screams and shouts for juice because he's overly thirsty.

AIBU to tell them to let him have the juice I'm sending him in with?

I do think that there are kids who refuse to drink water. Certainly my water refuser DS was not put onto squash out of choice but out of sheer desperation after being hospitalised with dehydration. What did happen though is that having made an emergency decision with a young child, the weeks and months went by and it became a habit. I will now always offer water, milk and squash to kids because they surprise you sometimes and will start to change those habits, especially in a new environment like nursery. They are not inflexible in the same way adults are. And just because squash solves the problem of a dehydrated toddler doesn't mean it needs to be offered to the precocious pre schooler. Their needs have changed and the habit becomes that of the parent not the child. I think this is what happens with fussy eating a lot, we stop offering the rejected choices when actually their taste changes over time, and they are more open to new habits than we often realise

Speak to them! You’re not going to get a helpful answer from the internet - you need to know what is actually going on.

It is entirely possible that the juice thing has gone under the radar, so you should speak to his keyworker at pick up today. Find out if he is actually drinking.

Keep an eye on the colour of his wee - they usually do change them before hometime, so I’m not surprised he’s dry, but is the next wee an ordinary colour?

Although it’s alarming for you that he’s getting thirsty, please be assured that he’s not going to come to harm - if he’s having at least sips of water (so not totally refusing) then he won’t be getting severely dehydrated in that time. So he might be uncomfortable, but no lasting damage.

This is quite a concerning statement. You really don't sound happy with the nursery, are there other options locally you could look into?

His only other option would be mainstream nursery which would bring on a whole host of other issues, I felt at the time that this place was perfect for him but I have my doubts now.

Does your son appear to be very thirsty when he gets in? If not, that would suggest that he's been drinking throughout the day.

He does seem thirsty when he gets home yes. He will scream "I want drink" then guzzle the beaker and want another straight away. He's primarily non verbal but can request drink/food.

@T33l9

Thank you for your replies

In regards to weeing: his book always states that he was wet when changed but he's always bone dry when he gets home.

I need to establish whether this is because they're changing him again before pick up.

Generally he wees alot but is clearly weeing less when at nursery.

Or maybe he is being more active at the nursery and sweating more so weeing less?

Funnily enough, the human race survived for millennia before the arrival of juice... No, cos there's a high probability kids like mine and ops wouldn't have survived long enough to be "fussy toddlers". Just because the race survived doesn't mean individual people with additional needs did. By this logic, when a child is failure to thrive, we should take them into hospital and help th, we should leave them at home with a bottle of milk / breastful of milk because they didn't have all this intervention 2000 years ago

It is a specialised nursery for SEN children. I've spoken about it on here before when they were trying to have me take his dummy away and the unanimous response was that I wasn't being unreasonable. I addressed that and now this has cropped up.

This is the third issue in a short period of time and I'm now considering taking him out and finding another setting.

His only other option would be mainstream nursery which would bring on a whole host of other issues, I felt at the time that this place was perfect for him but I have my doubts now. Oh so it IS a specialist nursery? That would worry me more tbh that they aren't seemingly meeting his needs.
What is it about mainstream that worries you? I have to say ours have been amazing, and that's with DS yr1 still being in nappies, on permanent o2 so has a 121 , started non verbal and unable to interact with peers. He was about 18 months behind when he started bit was developing in parallel and has caught up markedly so I appreciate it does depend on the child's learning difficulties.

Our nursery/school has a "no juice" policy. My DC also has additional needs and I asked them to make an exception due to a dairy allergy and sensory issues. They allowed it however I brought a dark coloured water bottle so that the other children couldn't tell it wasn't water 🙂. Ask, explain your DC needs they should be reasonable and allow it.

*shouldn't take them into hospital

Regardless of the debate around juice, that's shitty communication to just keep sending it home without discussing it with you, especially as you have told them of his issues around food.

All nursery kids are given milk, or substitute and it's paid for by the government up to 5, otherwise cups of water are put out regularly. The nurseries I've had dealings with (several for professional reasons) don't allow own cups/bottles apart from babies because kids share otherwise. And I echo what others said that they surprise you when with other kids. You need to talk to them and also they can support you to make his diet healthier, at preschool age he should be having a pint of milk a day not juice which is not sugar free (if you mean sugar free squash that's got no nutrition at all). I have a sen dd, her diet was and is as an adult an issue so do not slip into the path of least resistance so young, even if he leaves it include vegetables and fruit and dairy (or substitute)

I understand your concerns, OP. I think many people don't understand certain SEN and assume it's a fussy child, or as a PP has already said....that the parent has 'conditioned them' to the certain food drink. Unfortunately, it's not as simple as that, as parents of SEN children know well. Many special needs, such as autism, are not diagnosed until the child is a bit older, by which time it can sometimes be too late for the child to be able to get used to a certsin food/drink. My nephew will try hard to please his parents by attempting to eat something they have introduced, but will gag or be sick. His parents, had they known about his needs earlier, would have coaxed him to eat the food at a much earlier age, before the traits of his autism became quite pronounced. But they didn't know.
OP, your nursery should indeed take your child's SEN into account, regardless of their usual rules. Your child needs to drink!

It is unfortunate that this nursery doesn't seem like meeting your dc's needs.
There are many good ones out there too. My dc had many issues, needed very detailed care due to chronic illness/multiple food allergies/being selective mute. My dc's nursery has done everything to make my dc's life better and easier, enabled smooth transition to school.

The thing is they are specialists at sen and do know what they are doing, they need to get them eating and drinking healthily and dummies are definitely a no for nursery

I think it’s unusual to send a drink in to nursery at all. Have they asked for this?
I would imagine how cup is left on the side all day to be honest.
I think you just need to speak to them.

Do you provide an extra drink on the lunchbox? That might be an option. They might be happy for that to be juice or squash. Actually, might be worth checking whether it is just squash they don’t allow, or whether actual juice would be ok.

I think if you talk to them it will all be fine but thought I’d give a couple of practical solutions that you can suggest.

*in the lunchbox.

YY, @SleepingStandingUp. I don't know where this 'juice is a new thing' comes from? Unless it's people who can't imagine any history before WWII.

There are loads of records of people making juice and drinking juice for centuries, from records for fruit syrups and cordials that need diluting to that time when lime juice was prescribed to people who needed a shot of vitamin C. It's not a new, strange fad. How could it be?

I think you need to move nurseries. If his additional needs mean he’ll only drink the drink you provide, he needs it on hand and he needs to be drinking lots of it.
Is a childminder available in your area? I ask because it would be much easier to get an individual to do what is necessary than to expect a nursery to do it. You’re out of sight, out of mind as far as they’re concerned. For their purposes, they’ve got it covered because they’ve noted his wet nappy and his few sips of water.

I assumed it was a nursery where they provide food and drink - most private nurseries do.

I think you would have had totally different replies if you'd said at the outset that a) you provide food and drink for your DS and b) it's a specialist SN provision.

You are not being remotely unreasonable under the circumstances. I would give them a call and explain your concerns.

I'm still waiting for my disabled child's 'fantastic self-preservation skills', they will be really useful when they come.

Op, I found a private nursery very difficult with my middle dc who is disabled. If I could turn the clock back, I'd find a childminder.

A lot of people on this thread won't experience what your are experiencing - they are equating experiences of NT toddlers with those of a disabled child.

If your child wants juice in a bottle sent from home then that shouldn't be a problem. If it is, call it quits and find a good childminder.

This thread has made me remember my ds aged 2 when he couldn't transition between winter and summer clothes (still can't aged 10). The nursery got pissed off that he wore welly boots and a zipped up puffs coat all through the summer. They pointed out that I had "forgotten to send him in with sandals and a t-shirt. What an oversight on my part!

I wonder if this is the same SEN nursery I sent my DS to! I moved him to a mainstream one and they were more supportive of his needs and he came on leaps and bounds after achieving a total of nothing at the 'specialist SEN' one. In fact his skills decreased as he was so stressed because they were so awful to him. It was hard to find the right placement though. Don't give up. His first primary school was just as awful as the SEN nursery but then he moved to a better one and is doing well there still.

My DS wouldn’t drink water at nursery. They had a no juice policy. We discussed it and they agreed he wasn’t drinking enough and agreed to sugar free squash. He now drinks water by the way. But there were a few years when he refused!

Yes it is a SEN nursery. My reluctance for mainstream is because he's considerably delayed, has a lack of understanding and struggles being around alot of people.

Before I found his current nursery we went to look around a mainstream one, it was extremely busy (lots of children grouped into small rooms in accordance to their age) and he was extremely overwhelmed. I was told they'd like him to be toilet trained before starting or on the way to being. He's 2.5 and is nowhere near ready. His current nursery however are fine with changing his nappy, is much bigger (large hall) and has far less children (12-15 in total)

My partner has just called me and said he addressed the issue with the nursery. They have said the reason he isn't being given his juice is because they promote all of the children having the same thing to drink - water.

The reason given is because if other children see DS having juice they'll all want juice. However, DS' drink bottle is a solid dark colour and you couldn't possibly know what's it in to look at it.

He has been going since July, the reason this has only just come to our attention is because half of the time he's returning with an empty bottle which to us meant he was drinking his juice.

Now it emerges that infact no he isn't being given his juice, that must mean they are pouring the juice away.

They have assured my partner that he is drinking the water though.

I'll be going over all of this with them later on when I collect him, it's just bonkers that they haven't mentioned this no juice policy and I've had to find out this way.

@sonypony feel free to PM me the nursery name and I'll tell you whether it's the same one, I don't want to post it on here just incase iykwim.

By the way, my dc's nursery was mainstream one. So there were no other children with special needs. Nursery manager herself decided to become his key worker, and spend a lot of 1-1 time with him. She even suggested increasing his time at the nursery, so we sent him 5 days a week, 6 hours a day prior year to school starting. She was a god send.