Do I need to take this further?

[User628394]

Currently in the process of moving house. PILs very kindly come over to help us out with moving boxes etc as I’m 7 months pregnant.

Almost as soon as he arrived, as a ‘joke’ my FIL decided to wrap the cord of our blind around the neck of my cat, who was sitting on the window sill. The cat wasn’t hurt, but had he jumped down he could certainly have ended up hurt or even strangled.

My husband and MIL saw and immediately intervened. Both were absolutely furious, my MIL in particular gave him a real telling off.

This isn’t the first time he’s done something like this - a few years ago my cat was playing in a cardboard box and my FIL stabbed a knife through the box a few times. The box was huge and he was stabbing near the top so was very unlikely to hit the cat, but if the cat had jumped up or tried to bat the knife it could have caused injury.

On both occasions FIL was seriously told off by my (very kind, lovely and sensible) MIL, but he’s always totally unrepentant about it. It’s like he just gets annoyed that no-one else is seeing the joke. He does other mad, impulsive things all the time. If he’s ever helping you put up a shelf he sometimes has to be physically restrained from drilling a hole just anywhere while you work out where to put it, for example. It’s like he can’t resist any kind of behaviour that will get him attention, even if it’s negative, and it’s all a big joke to him.

Now, I don’t know whether anything more needs to be said. My MIL really was angry at him this morning and my husband told him in no uncertain terms not to behave that way, so in one sense it has been dealt with. But I’m also aware that this is a pattern of behaviour with him, and while it’s serious enough when it’s a cat, he has to understand that he simply can’t behave this way with the baby once it’s born. I don’t really trust him not to pull one of his stupid ‘jokes’ which are actually dangerous, but with a baby instead.

So do we need to talk to him about this, or do we leave it since my MIL has dealt with the incident? My husband and I have already agreed we won’t ever let him be in charge of the baby on his own - only when my MIL is there. We haven’t said this to them because I really think my MIL would be devastated to hear it (even though we trust her completely - it’s only him I have concerns about).

I feel so sorry for you that you'll have to be on constant guard not to leave the baby alone with him while you go to the loo and things like that.
Have you spoken to him about it one on one OP?
My exfil was similar to how you describe, loved attention even if it were negative etc, and I told him once that one particular thing had really really hurt my feelings and it was like watching a penny drop ,he felt terrible and never did anything similar around me again.
It's worth a go I think x

I'm glad a discussion worked with your FIL, Lollyneenah, but OP says after both the cat incidents her FIL was seriously told off, was totally unrepentant & was annoyed that nobody else found it funny. So it doesn't sound like that works with him.

So in order to make sure all the attention in the room is on him, your FIL picks on the most defenceless, choosing an animal that can’t talk? Twice in your memory.

I’m not one for hysterics but yes, this behaviour is Not Normal.

OK, he kept your DH alive as a baby/young person. But I’d worry there’s some normalising of bad and risky behaviour and you can’t protect your MIL at the expense of your defenceless baby. So you’ll need to address it head on eventually.

Psychologically, pranks with elements of risk, danger or humiliation etc are a way to disguise hostility. Whereas harmless pranks are playful & no one is at risk or humiliated.