To want to houseshare with women beyond my 20s

[GoldfishParade]

Just wanted to see if anyone else feels this way.

I houseshared all through my 20s like most people. Some of them gave me the rage and I craved my own space, others were great, like when it was 6 of us in a massive house in London. Don't get me wrong, housemates can always piss you off, that's the nature of people. But it was great coming back to this big house and garden, with 5 other women who came to be my friends. It just felt really warm and supportive.

I know its maybe unusual because the aspiration is to want to live alone, and I was so happy when I finally got my own place at 29. But now after lockdown etc, I cant help but think I quite fancy going back into a houseshare, albeit with a more mature feel.

AIBU to think that a houseshare of women in their 30s, 40s, 50s 60s and beyond could actually be a very warm, fun and supportive way to live?

I dont have kids but I'd be willing to live with women who did too, and then they would even have help to look after their children etc. Or there could be houseshares specifically for single parents, it could end up feeling like a community.

Thoughts? Is living alone maybe a bit overrated?

I couldn’t think of anything worse

Personally I couldn't, because I really can't be bothered with other people's kids. If there were no kids in the mix, yes, I think it might be quite nice.

Have you tried the Diggers and Dreamers website for collectives in your area, OP? I'm not sure about women only type households but there may be something that piques your interest.

I live alone but could absolutely see the benefits of more communal living at any age, and perhaps more so as people get older.

I've always hated househares. I;ve alwayd found the housemates really inconsiderate like cooking for hours using the whole kitchen, hogging cupboard space, causing drama and trouble.

I agree there's a place for this. There are some scattered about the place- one in London near a park, I can't remember the details though.

I would definitely want a women only one.

@Butchyrestingface
Yes, I always assumed that the Diggers and Dreamers thing was more bringing people together around a specific ethos, so like eco/green/vegan/self sufficient living. What I liked about my London days was how everyone was very different. But thanks for the reminder, I might go and have another look.

I'm not forgetting the bad times - when one person would hog the kitchen, one persons omnipresent boyfriend etc. But we always managed to smooth things out, and it was just a great feeling - coming back from a shit date or a terrible day at work, and someone was always around to share a meal with or just watch trash TV, or have a glass of wine and a bitch. It felt cosy and to me maybe more "natural" than being at home alone - no matter how much I appreciate having a living room to myself!

I totally agree! I've had some great houseshares in my 20s and 30s and generally prefer living with others than living alone, provided it's with the right people.

I really could think of anything worse. House sharing would seriously drive me to contemplating suicide. I don’t even like houseguests!!

I'm separated from my husband now, soon to divorce. Living alone is certainly better than living with him! But I'm pretty sure I don't want another relationship. I love the idea of living with a friend as I get older.
I suppose in an ideal world your husband or partner should be your friend! Mine wasn't unfortunately.
I think there's room for your idea, especially in expensive cities like London.

It sounds good in theory, and I did house share until I was about 30. But the reality is that it's not a lasting arrangement, because people change, want to move out, meet new partners, children grow up etc This is ultimately why I stopped house sharing. I wanted to feel settled and not be depending on others' decisions to know where I would be living.

Many years and divorce later I now live with just my children and this is my happiest and calmest home! I loved living alone though too, which I did for about three years. I would hate to house share now. The worst aspects for me were times like housemates moving boyfriends in, or one who filled her bedroom with about 100 lit candles every night, or the one who stopped speaking to me over something trivial that I can't even remember now. I couldn't be doing with all that stress now.

@Daydreams
Yeah and I love the idea of it being multigenerational too, so you could spend time with people at different stages in their life. The other thing about London in particular is having access to the kind of living space that would just be completely impossible alone.

I would like that, but maybe only with one or two other people.
Six is way too much.

And we would have to have similar lifestyle:
Introverted and asexuals,
Absolutly would not want random men or boyfriends around, ew!

OMG that would drive me INSANE!! I have house shared in the past and it drove me mad then, I find it difficult enough sharing with DH & DC as it is, tbh.

So it's a big NO! from me. 😆

I've always thought this would be a good idea.

But it would be best if each bedroom had its own bathroom, you tend not to get that in house shares.

I also think it would be a good idea for combatting loneliness in old age if you are widowed. Like a home for the elderly, but without the rip-off. If I am widowed I would like to buy a house with friends in the same position, keep each other company and share the cost of carers where necessary. The big problem with that is, if you were old, house mates would keep dying and it would be difficult to find someone to sell their share to.

I can see the appeal for sure, but it wouldn't suit me.
I have a very public facing job, but am an introvert at heart. At the end of the day, I need my own space and peace and quiet. The idea of juggling shared use of kitchens and bathrooms, and having to make polite conversation, fills me with horror.

Yeah, I'd have to have my own bathroom too!

I know quite a few women who have done this recently. One of my BFFs is now living in a mummune, (eg two or more single mums getting a big house together near a good school). Don't know any mix of mums and non-mums, though.

Try www.silversharers.com/

I hated living alone so I got a lodger, then I moved in with exh then I moved in with dp (in between I was sort of alone but one of my DD's still officially lived with me). It's fine, not everyone wants to live alone. My friend and I have made a pact that if at retirement we are both alone we are going to grow old disgracefully together

I shared houses all through uni, and when working, till I was 29. I agree, OP, I’d love it.

Didn't we have this exact same thread a few weeks ago?

AIBU to think that a houseshare of women in their 30s, 40s, 50s 60s and beyond could actually be a very warm, fun and supportive way to live?

I think yes you are. That would be my idea of hell.

It seems to be getting popular with retired people, I like the idea in theory

I saw a special needs housing scheme where each of the 8 residents had their own flatlet - good sized bedroom and bathroom and a kitchenette and sitting area - but they shared a big sitting/dining room and kitchen (plus loo etc). The intention was they would live semi-communally and cook and dine together, but could withdraw privately too if they wished.

I thought then that I'd quite like that with a bunch of friends, especially as you get older and used to living alone.

I'd love it! Very common to houseshare in your 30s in London. I'm married with children so not an option for me, but sounds fun.

Why don't you find a property and then aim to fill the rooms yourself? That way, you can control the vibe.

Or join spare room and use their find a flat mate option to get a group of likeminded women together

Quite a lot of retirement places are like that, there's one being built nearby and it has the communal lounge area.

That wouldn't be so bad, as long as I had my own front door. 🙂