To want to houseshare with women beyond my 20s

[GoldfishParade]

Just wanted to see if anyone else feels this way.

I houseshared all through my 20s like most people. Some of them gave me the rage and I craved my own space, others were great, like when it was 6 of us in a massive house in London. Don't get me wrong, housemates can always piss you off, that's the nature of people. But it was great coming back to this big house and garden, with 5 other women who came to be my friends. It just felt really warm and supportive.

I know its maybe unusual because the aspiration is to want to live alone, and I was so happy when I finally got my own place at 29. But now after lockdown etc, I cant help but think I quite fancy going back into a houseshare, albeit with a more mature feel.

AIBU to think that a houseshare of women in their 30s, 40s, 50s 60s and beyond could actually be a very warm, fun and supportive way to live?

I dont have kids but I'd be willing to live with women who did too, and then they would even have help to look after their children etc. Or there could be houseshares specifically for single parents, it could end up feeling like a community.

Thoughts? Is living alone maybe a bit overrated?

I am happily married but if that changes I will want this I think.

I think there's definitely scope for the old style boarding houses. There is one in NYC mostly populated by divorced women, new graduates etc but if I didn't have Dd and I'd be quite happy with a little studio flat with kitchenette and communal space downstairs.

I’d only do it if you could guarantee it would be exactly the same as The Golden Girls.

I’d be Dorothy of course.

My best friend is still in a house share at 35 with other women. They’re nice women, near her age, professional - they support each other and do fun stuff together sometimes. She’d still cut off her right arm to have a place of her own.

Grass is always greener op!

I've never wanted to live alone, so were I single (or a single parent) I would love a semi-communal living arrangement. Where you have a smaller private space, and large shared areas. Like a sheltered living home for young adults. I'm an extrovert and I like company, and I see the logic of several families sharing an amazing big garden, rather than each family having their own little garden.

I saw a shared living community where you had a small houses or apartments with shared big living rooms, gardens, office and guest room for visitors, and a few group meals and activities every week. I liked the idea, but when I read the website profiles they seemed aimed at people more left-wing than me. Lots of artists, political campaigners, hippyish people etc. A blend of different types of people would be great, as in that community I would be the odd one out.

I did see one for retired single women which seemed to attract more of a range of people.

I currently live alone and really like it, but YANBU. Housing costs mean that having your own place as a single person or even as a couple is increasingly unattainable and I think a shared house of like minded people is a great idea. If I’m still single in middle/old age I’d consider teaming up with women in a similar situation for the company.

Would be my idea of hell.

In my experience of women, put them in a group and it’s bitch central. It’s certainly not all women together bullshit.

The last bit of your OP reads like actually your a bit lonely, I mean you’d be happy to help look after a single parents child and you’d all be one big community

There's a really cool one of hundreds of flats in London - individual studios but lovely communal spaces

It's driving me crazy I can't think of the name

It's not this one but it looks amazing

Housesharing beyond the childfree years can be really difficult. People tend to want to spend more time at home as they get older, younger kids are messy and unpredictable, older kids will want to eat up all your food and ‘borrow’ your stuff. I think you are definitely romanticising as you’re lonely - maybe focus on trying to find a partner / friends.

For me, YANBU. I am an extrovert, and I think that living totally alone would be pretty lonely and depressing. Also, as I get older the idea of reducing the space and resources that I use is appealing: the idea of 1-2 people rattling around in a large building, taking up all that space etc is not something I want to do.

So I think I would be happy in a houseshare - as long as we all had our own space. En suite bedroom / studio, with a shared kitchen would suit me. And a workable system in place to make joint decisions - that would be the most important I think.

I've been thinking exactly the same OP. I really miss living with other women. It was so much fun in my 20s.

Of course you're not being unreasonable for wanting to do it. It doesn't mean everyone else would think it's a good way to live, but if you do, go for it! We only live once after all.

I think perhaps you have rose tinted specs on, some lovely happy hippy commune styley thing.
Six women of all ages, all very set in their ways no doubt, very few people are flexible and easy going.
I wouldn’t even want to holiday with a big family group, sounds like hell and suffocating.

I saw a Swedish documentary a while back on co-living, it looked like an amazing set up, mainly retired women and single parents. I can imagine it working long term if you have shared values, similar outlooks on life, otherwise it’d be being a complete nightmare.

YANBU to want that kind of house arrangement, just as no one else is unreasonable to think that sounds like a nightmare.

Personally, I had enough of living on my own and prefer having a couple of other adults in the house and am doing so comfortable into my thirties without an end in sight.

I don't think I could be doing with 5 other women with kids on top of that -- that seems like it would get real busy and complicated real fast. None of the house shares or lodgers I've had have also had kids. I can see the potential benefits, but I think that would come with a lot of responsibilities and risks that would have to be hammered out on an on-going basis and many of the complications that blended families go through.

Being a family with long-term lodgers suits us, even with all the frustrations with living with anyone there are many positives, but I get why others might find the frustrations and risks more than they'd like (plus the issues of costs of a larger house for more people. We're currently planning to move and it's much more complicated if considering taking a lodger with).

There was another thread about this recently, about the system in France where people live together and help each other, and can be as involved or uninvolved as they like. I didn’t comment on it just lurked so can’t find it but someone else may have the link?

I wouldn't want that although I love living surrounded by people (in a small block of flats) but have friends who live like that in their late 30s and 40s. It seems to be more usual in cities outside the UK, and in England I'd say London, Brighton, and perhaps university cities would be the main places you'd find this kind of set up.

Found it!

Owch.org.uk - housing women over 50 collectively

Read a really interesting article recently about a commune/collective in a US city where many people have lived through the pandemic together.

Christ no. Had enough of all female environments when I was at school.
Obviously it would be heaven for some though.

I think this idea is going to become more and more of a "thing" as have noticed more and more tv programmes and articles about these set ups, some with the emphasis on special needs , some intergenerational, some for women etc. Until recently this was more of a lefty commune type thing, or sheltered type housing for the elderly. But definitely as housing feels more unaffordable, scattered families, space issues - maybe it will become a mainstream idea.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.gq-magazine.co.uk/lifestyle/article/co-living-london%3famp

This describes the one I was thinking about - the Collective - they've got loads of rooms/pool/bar/cinema room

Looks incredible

I often think I'd like to live on a kind of kibbutz/collective thing, with my kids. Then I pull myself together. We'd be voted out within 72 hrs.

I couldn’t think of anything worse

This!!! It’s also a bit tragic past a certain age.