To want to houseshare with women beyond my 20s

[GoldfishParade]

Just wanted to see if anyone else feels this way.

I houseshared all through my 20s like most people. Some of them gave me the rage and I craved my own space, others were great, like when it was 6 of us in a massive house in London. Don't get me wrong, housemates can always piss you off, that's the nature of people. But it was great coming back to this big house and garden, with 5 other women who came to be my friends. It just felt really warm and supportive.

I know its maybe unusual because the aspiration is to want to live alone, and I was so happy when I finally got my own place at 29. But now after lockdown etc, I cant help but think I quite fancy going back into a houseshare, albeit with a more mature feel.

AIBU to think that a houseshare of women in their 30s, 40s, 50s 60s and beyond could actually be a very warm, fun and supportive way to live?

I dont have kids but I'd be willing to live with women who did too, and then they would even have help to look after their children etc. Or there could be houseshares specifically for single parents, it could end up feeling like a community.

Thoughts? Is living alone maybe a bit overrated?

I houseshared all through my 20s like most people

I don’t know one single person who house-shared throughout their entire twenties. Not one.

Kids would make it an absolut hell, why would anyone want to live with kids?
Let alone with other people’s kids!

Single-by-choice and selibate group of women could be cool.
But with own bathrooms.

@BewilderedDoughnut

”It’s also a bit tragic past a certain age.”

Not that i live like this.... but why would it be tragic?

I houseshared all through my 20s like most people

I don't know anyone who did this either. I'm not in London though so it's not really the done thing here.

I found a snippet of the documentary. It was actually danish.

m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=_cleTzREJNs

@WellThisWentWell It’s also a bit tragic past a certain age

Not that i live like this but why would it be tragic?

Because it’s what young people do because they can’t individually afford rent. Almost nobody would optionally house share. Even at Uni if I could have afforded to I’d have had my own place (I did in final year).

It’s a backwards step in a lot of cases.

I sort of have this as I share with two lodgers in a houseshare environment (and I'm also friendly with the female neighbour who lives in the adjoining flat). I'm early 40s.
The lodger thing is slightly different but the house vibe varies so massively depending on the person. I've had people who have different men over regularly (and leave them at home when they go out to work) and I've also have people who seem extremely annoyed if you dare to enter the kitchen or just very grumpy people for no reason. All seemed lovely at first meeting. I do like the idea in theory. I suppose if you find a good match then you have to hope they stay! :)

When you say house share, do you mean living with randoms or your actual friends?

I moved out at 18 for uni in London (5 years ago!!). Although I lived with randoms at halls, I had such a good time and made lifelong friends. A couple of us rented a house with our other friends for 2nd year, there was 5 of us. In 3rd year, 1 of them moved out and another one of our friends moved in, then later 3 of us moved into a smaller house.

It genuinely was the best time of my life - wish I could live with my friends forever! I live with my boyfriend now and although it’s fun, it’s not the same. I miss having a house of people to come home to and being around my friends all the time.

However I would never house share with random people. Too much scope of things that could go wrong.

I think maybe it will become one of a range of housing options available. Its certainly something I would consider with women of a shared mindset if I am still single when my kids have flown the nest.
Flatlet type accommodation, with some shared inside and outside space. Sounds nice and why just for the retired? Its about time we recognised that one man, one woman, 2.4 children isn't the only acceptable way to live life. Its certainly not tragic to deviate from the norm!

I don’t know one single person who house-shared throughout their entire twenties.

I went to uni in London, graduated in 2008, I’d say as high as 98% of people I knew house shared even after entering grad jobs.

If you’re not in London, your opinion of house sharing is fairly irrelevant as it is significantly more common place here.

Obviously most of these people would prefer to buy a house but I’m sure you’re aware that London house prices today are astronomical.

If you live in the arse end of nowhere or somewhere with dirt cheap housing, of course you would just buy your own place asap, it’s a much more achievable goal for you than it is for a Londoner

So it would be an intentional community rather than a boarding house or commune.

With growing homelessness in the female over 50’s it’s actually a brilliant idea if it could be done correctly.

@ClementineWoolysocks

Didn't we have this exact same thread a few weeks ago?

AIBU to think that a houseshare of women in their 30s, 40s, 50s 60s and beyond could actually be a very warm, fun and supportive way to live?

I think yes you are. That would be my idea of hell.

Yes! I had to check the date on this one.

It certainly wouldn't be for me. Plus the thought of living with other people's kids fills me with dread.

I am 28 and living in my own place finally after years of house shares. I wouldn't give it up for anything!

I understand it is different now for some with lockdown isolation and understand your reasoning. If you want to try it again I think that is fair enough. But I would say your 'idea' of a nice multigenerational set up might just be better as an idea and might not actually turn out to be the utopia you imagine.

Imagine thinking house shares a tragic. How do people not understand that the majority of 18-35yr olds live like this in the south east.

@SpaceRaiders
Because there’s a huge world outside of the SE, why do people not understand we aren’t all London centric and will find some of their ways unusual. I left home at 18 and had one flat share then my own flat, none of my student DCs have shared either other than one with a good friend.

I have been thinking about this more and more since lockdown.

I am early forties, good career, live alone. I love, love, love living alone. But I have been really lonely.

My friends and I have joked about buying a house between us golden girls style!

Yanbu to think that its more pleasant to live in a community of like minded peers. But yabu to think the aspiration is to live alone. For many/most women the aspiration continues to be a nuclear family, living with their own husband and children.

@Frappuccinofan
Another, unless you live in London mentality, you do know there are other cities in the U.K., not everywhere outside of London is dirt cheap or arse end of nowhere.

Imagine thinking house shares a tragic. How do people not understand that the majority of 18-35yr olds live like this in the south east.

I wouldn't use the word tragic but I actually don't know anyone in the south east. I'm actually quite surprised that the majority of adults under 35 live in house shares. Aren't lots of people getting married and having families before 35?

Because it’s what young people do because they can’t individually afford rent. Almost nobody would optionally house share.

I would choose to house share with friends rather than live alone. Almost everyone I know house shared in their 20s and early 30s until they moved in with their partners, including those who could have afforded to rent a 1-bed or Studio on their own. It's v normal in London. Choosing to rent a place on your own was quite an unusual decision amongst people I knew.

@Frappuccinofan

If you’re not in London, your opinion of house sharing is fairly irrelevant as it is significantly more common place here.

Obviously most of these people would prefer to buy a house but I’m sure you’re aware that London house prices today are astronomical.

If you live in the arse end of nowhere or somewhere with dirt cheap housing, of course you would just buy your own place asap, it’s a much more achievable goal for you than it is for a Londoner

And I’m sure you’re aware that outside of London does not necessarily equate to “the arse end of nowhere” or “dirt cheap housing“. I’m sure you’re also aware that the vast majority of people in the UK don’t actually live in London and one can’t assume that experiences of life caused by the specific economic bubble of London equate to life elsewhere across the rich and varied economic and social landscape of the UK, hence people pointing out that house-sharing past uni is actually unusual in some places, rather ‘the norm’, as OP suggests. The language you’ve used is both blinkered and pejorative.

@SBTLove
There’s a huge world outside whichever location north of the M25 you reside in. You can’t buy a flat under 100k and renting a one bed would be anywhere from £1500 - £1900, therefore share you must.

Oh and lived in london until 5 years ago. No one I knew house shared throughout their 20s. Most did until around age 26, then I would say about 25% moved on to live alone, about 50% moved in with their partner only, and the remaining 25% stayed in some sort of share. I know no one over 30 in a house share at all.

This is really interesting sorry if I have a SE centric view but I genuinely didnt realise that houseshares arent the norm in your 20s in other parts of the country. I actually think that's a bit tragic - so you go straight from the family home to your own place? The thing is so many of my good friends now are people I shared with over the years. You come to know people on a very deep level since you've spent down time with them through all sorts of life stages. You also come to spend a lot of time with people who are very different from you. I see that decade of my life as having been almost a rite of passage.

What about in places like manchester then? Isnt there a big house sharing culture there? In London people houseshare well into their 30s and even 40s. Then they have either coupled up and managed to get their own place, or they give up and move out of town, OR they continue to houseshare but theres this stigma attached.

I think this thread shows that there is still some stigma, but actually I really enjoyed living as part of a little community, despite the frustrations.