To want to houseshare with women beyond my 20s

[GoldfishParade]

Just wanted to see if anyone else feels this way.

I houseshared all through my 20s like most people. Some of them gave me the rage and I craved my own space, others were great, like when it was 6 of us in a massive house in London. Don't get me wrong, housemates can always piss you off, that's the nature of people. But it was great coming back to this big house and garden, with 5 other women who came to be my friends. It just felt really warm and supportive.

I know its maybe unusual because the aspiration is to want to live alone, and I was so happy when I finally got my own place at 29. But now after lockdown etc, I cant help but think I quite fancy going back into a houseshare, albeit with a more mature feel.

AIBU to think that a houseshare of women in their 30s, 40s, 50s 60s and beyond could actually be a very warm, fun and supportive way to live?

I dont have kids but I'd be willing to live with women who did too, and then they would even have help to look after their children etc. Or there could be houseshares specifically for single parents, it could end up feeling like a community.

Thoughts? Is living alone maybe a bit overrated?

It really wouldn’t be for me - I can’t bear feeling like my home isn’t entirely my own. But I could see how it could work for someone else who didn’t feel that way.

I don't think you'll find many Mumsnetters supportive of this idea, OP, as many seem to struggle with sharing their space with others.
I do agree that it could be quite nice though, and actually love the idea in theory. I'm thinking cosy chats by the fire and making each other a cuppa after a hard day at work
However it would completely depend on having the right housemates.
I'm a mum but wouldn't fancy having other kids there. Unless the house was big. Very big. And all the kids got on. But again, I'm being idealistic!

Space raiders most people cohabit with a spouse or partner. You can get a one bed in the south east cheaper than 1500 pm 🙄. Salaries in the south east are also higher - median earnings in london (2019) are £699/week, making the rent on a 1 bed at 1500pm manageable even on one salary, albeit tight.

I think it's a great idea but I suspect iuysude the south east, it wouldn't be popular. In thus country it seems to be the done thing to ignore as many people as possible or at least "not to mix" with them, so I would oribabky be looked down upon. Which is a pity, as there's a lot if lovely people around.

House sharing is really normal in other parts of northern Europe, no one really cares if your mid thirties or even forties as long as you get on.

But in thus country, you're meant to bolt out the family home as soon as you can, preferably into a new build with at least 3 bedrooms and a live in partner, as close to your family as possible.

I do think some sort of communal living when I get old would be a good thing but I’m thinking more along the lines of a McCarthy & Stone type place rather than actually sharing a house. I have a relative who lives in one and like the look of it. Company/activities when you want, your own self contained place when you don’t.

@SpaceRaiders
Similar prices in many cities, is it because ppl think getting a job, even poorly paid in London is the be all?
Edinburgh property is toe curlingly expensive, so you move further out until you can afford or want to move back in.

OP you seem to think the alternative to a house share is living alone. I dont think that's the case for most? Most people move in with a boyfriend or girlfriend. Did you spend most of your 20s single? I think that's quite unusual.

I watched a programme a few years ago how different countries are dealing with the issues of rising housing costs. One in I think in Sweden where women (I think some are mixed too) have their own studio flat then there is shared kitchen and living space. I know there is a few in London with this set up and even a bar/small cinema for younger people

I think this set up sounds great (it’s not an old people’s home there is no staff around)

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I’m going by the areas that I lived in, sure you can get cheaper rentals, but in areas that aren’t as naice and potentially further out.

I dont think many people in their 20s live in "naice" areas .

As my friend once said - "I always live in places that are up and coming but they never seem to arrive."

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

We all have different priorities.

Personally I would not be forking out most of my salary on rent just to live in a city, living further out isn’t the end of the world and frees up your £££

People do house share and flat share in London (I've lived in London all my life), there's nothing unusual about it. Generally they want to have a place on their own from mid twenties though some will be happy to share it with one close friend.

Speaking as a mature person now, at least in years, I would not want to do it; I like being on my own.

I enjoyed house/flat shares and was lucky with housemates, but would not want to do it with any DC involved.

I love all the mix of views on here! Have any of you done the Myers-Briggs personality questionnaire? It’s very interesting how some people get their energy from being alone, and some through being with others.

OP I’m like you, I like there being other people around. I’m married and we have close friends who we’ve talked about doing communal living with when we get older!

I would like it with the right people and have already thought about getting two female lodgers if I become single at at any point. I quite like having a lodger anyway but my last one left in August and isn't yet replaced. I don't think I want to live alone especially.

I seriously can't think of anything worse.

Lord, I've gone cold. Uni was enough for me!

Are you perhaps remembering it with rose tinted glasses OP? Why don't you take in a lodger and see how it goes from there?

I don't mean to be nosy but are you single? Perhaps if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend could you trial moving in together?

In London people houseshare well into their 30s and even 40s.

I have friends all over the country and I can hand on heart say I don't know a single person who has house shared much beyond their late twenties.

I really don't think it's the norm to house share in 30's/40's OP and if it is I highly doubt it's out of choice!

Sounds like a commune - my worst nightmare.

If it appeals to you and you aren't just romanticizing then go for it - advertise and see about similar people

I have a friend who moved from near me (Bath) to London a few years ago and even with a really good job she has to share a flat with a random. She's 38! It's such a ridiculous wages/rent ratio.

As for do people elsewhere go straight into their own place - yeah, they do. I'm from an area commutable to Leeds and Manchester and you can rent a 2 bed terrace for £495 a month. Even on minimum wage, that's doable. If you'd rather live in central Manchester you can get a 1 bed flat for £600.

Yes house sharing in your 30s and 40s in London is not a choice!! For the majority anyway.

It’s ok OP, you have your dreamland delusion of happy house sharing - I’ll tell my BFF, she can swap with you and you can live in her place with her housemates

I'd absolutely hate it - I grew up with lots of siblings, and my idea of hell is sharing so much as a front door with anyone except DH. I wouldn't even consider a gated community. All power to those who'd like it though.

I loved sharing a house with other women! A ready made friendship group and I was never lonely. I'm a teacher and lots of teachers share well into their 30s and beyond because of property prices. It's not everyone's dream to live alone in a bedsit if you can't buy a house.