AIBU to think being a single working parent is financially not possible

[36pregnant]

How do single parents actually manage to survive? I’ve tired in vain to find ways to work part time (thanks Covid) and have a newborn. It seems that it’s not possible and really benefits are the only way.

Just reread my post and I didn’t mean it to sound as harsh as it does . I received wftc and had an amazing child minder.

There’s nothing wrong in taking your time Op , claim all the benefits you are eligible for, you will know when the time is right for you xx

I've got a great childminder. Its doable but it is fucking hard x

And yes I get tax credits help towards childcare costs too

I’m three - four weeks.
Both potential dads have made it clear they aren’t interested.

One isn’t interested in giving financial support and I’ve now lost contact with him.

What makes it harder is that I’m also chronically mentally ill. Depression and anxiety: probably bipolar seeing my recent sexual exploits.

So being alone with a kid all day, no money, no life.... doesn’t sound the best.

Depends onthe work, Eg we bought ouf first property with 2 full time professional salaries before having babies and after we married. However I did become a single parent but I picked a fairly high paid career (London business law) in my teens so could afford full time childcare when we divorced.

I was also hired when 5 months pregnant in one law job despite having a 1 and 3 year old (I was that good... laughing...) Also I have been very lucky to pick work that pays more which is the reason it has all worked for me and worked until i went into labour full time and went back full time with a 2 week old baby at home - that is not easy at all but the reason it worked for me.

Given your last post OP, you’re not in the right place to be a parent. I think you know this too, which is good. You’ll make the right decision. But please get all the facts you can regarding childcare costs etc. And get some sort of counselling. speak to your GP too. You’re in a low place. That shines through in your posts. You need more mental health support regardless of the decision you make.

Ahhhh OP. There’s more to this than I realised have you friends near by you can speak to?

I would speak to your GP about this and request some support.

I think work is the least of your worries right now.

I work part time and have DS in nursery 9-3 everyday. I think the key is having everything close together so you aren't spending hours travelling around each day. Nursery is 2 minute walk from the house and then its a 12 minute drive to work.

But it took years of planning before I got pregnant to find a job close to a nice area with affordable housing and an under subscribed nursery where there was almost 100% chance of getting a place. I also chose my job based on the fact that they had a good reputation for treating working parents well. I had to compromise on the position though, its mind numbingly boring and theres no opportunity to advance but it pays well and lets me be there for DS when he needs me.

I'm a single parent working part time sometimes more hours. I have benefit top up but if I earn more than my contracted hours my benefits will lower. I have to use my dads credit card each month for shopping and other bits. It's a struggle some months I have a bit extra money other months like last month I didn't have any extra money.

If I didn't have my dads card I wouldn't be able to afford food or other essential items.

But my child isn't at a disadvantage we live a good life and she has stuff that a lot of children don't. I'm just thankful and luckily I have my parents who can help out with child care sometimes.

@Smallsteps88 why tell me to look at the financial side and also tell me to abort.

[quote 36pregnant]@Smallsteps88 why tell me to look at the financial side and also tell me to abort.[/quote]

1. I didn’t tell you to abort!

2. you shouldn’t make any decision without all the facts. That’s why I told you to find out the financial situation.

I’m not the enemy here. I’m trying to help you. But if it’s not what you want say so and people won’t waste their time.

I really feel for you Op , you can earn all the money in the world but if you aren’t emotionally strong then it all means nothing. Go and see your GP , you need support to get yourself in a better place mentally before you even think about work xx

@Xenia still think you can just pick well paid jobs!!

With a newborn, no, I would do the benefits for now. I'm a single parent of two children and now it's fine working, one is with a childminder and the other is at school. The tax credits help massively for covering the childcare. I've been building my career working part tome (30 hours per week) but I think it's really hard with a newborn!

@36pregnant

The guy has blocked me so no chance of him taking responsibility

He can be legally made to have responsibility. The courts will force a dna test if need be and he will have to pay child support. A percentage of his wages. If he's self employed though he might hide earnings.

@WiserOwl @Xenia has a point though and to be honest (I know OP said she lost a job) but 13k is an extremely low wage for a single woman at the age of 36.

@JacobReesMogadishu would do if I could fine him

I have a good salary so could afford to pay a childminder when the youngest was still pre-school. Maintenance. Only a very small mortgage. Ex was good at paying for music lessons and has always taken them on lovely holidays.
Zero family help, though - too far away.
For me, it wasn't so much the financial aspects of single parenting that ground me down when the children were younger, but the sheer headless chicken, hamster wheel-ness of working, running a home and caring for children entirely alone.
People raising children with a partner and /or a good family support network close by have no idea how exhausting it is.

@kittykat35 it’s not extremely low and OP said she works part time. Do you have to be so thoughtless OP is clearing having a rough time right now.

OP I would keep your lodger for as long as you can. Plus you have a mortgage I think your doing wonderful!! Lots of people are not on the proper ladder and they earn more not that life’s a competition!

@kittykat35 thanks. I’m thinking how have everyone else got these wonderfully high paid jobs.... they told me to get a degree. I did. Told me to pick a field, I did,

@Lillysnotroses @36pregnant I didn't mean it to come across that way I am aware she said part time as I am aware that she said she lost a job. But she is also aware that 13k is a low wage. Sorry if it came across in the wrong way.

I'm a single parent and have always worked. When my DC were in childcare I had help from tax credits to pay for it, it was very tight, once they were in school it eased a little financially.
I have been out of work for a few months and claiming single parent benefits and I can assure you I earned more working than I receive on benefits so it is definitely possible to work as a single parent and be financially better off.

It’s not have life always works OP. I out earn my child’s dad he has a degree and I do not.

Not everyone has a wonderfully paid job and it’s not what you earn sometimes it’s what you spend.

Contact your GP ASAP. I hope all goes well OP.

I do 29.5 hours a week as a single mum it's doable with top up from benefits but money is tight.