AIBU to think being a single working parent is financially not possible

[36pregnant]

How do single parents actually manage to survive? I’ve tired in vain to find ways to work part time (thanks Covid) and have a newborn. It seems that it’s not possible and really benefits are the only way.

Yeah, top ups and hope to progress to the point where you don't need them. It's rough though especially if you're renting. Basically I went to work to pay the childminder and buy the landlord his house when mine were little. Oh and don't forget that childcare goes on for fucking YEARS.

Am loving the idea of a contractual commitment to work nights being solved by babysitters though.

People's situations are so different, even when they have single parenthood in common. It's quite different if you have a good job with maternity leave, than PT and just scraping by.

But it sounds like you need to look into what you would qualify for in terms of benefits during infant-hood. I would not count of working, even PT, for three months, and preferably six. If you have no support from the father or family, you have to look into what you are entitled to from the father and your current employer and the state. I would make an appointment to discuss various scenarios WRT benefits. There is nothing wrong with using state support during the time an infant needs you at home, that's what it's for.

One you know what timeframe you can look at there you can begin to think about going back to work and childcare.

Of course it’s possible if you earn enough.

What do you do OP?

It's hard, but doable. You have to let a lot of stuff go you would otherwise feel guilty about. You have to accept that childcare costs a fortune. You have to swallow your pride and take the top ups and budget like hell.

But it will pay off. And as they get older and you pay for less childcare, it feels worthwhile. It makes you more determined to succeed.

I've managed it by living very frugally and budgeting well. For example: I don't have a mobile phone contract, subscription TV, I don't drink alcohol and rarely go out. I saved hard when I got pregnant and lived on my savings and maternity pay. I found an excellent childminder and returned to work for 3 days a week until my daughter was 2 and a half. I have now gone up to 4 days a week and we are managing fine. I get some money for the government for child care. Sit down and look at your budget and figure out where you can save. For me going to work has been beneficial for my mental health, I think both me and my daughter would be miserable if I was stuck at home all the time with very little income.

I was a completely single parent working full time overseas, so no family support at all. I had six weeks' maternity leave and there were no benefits of any sort. However, the nursery system was brilliant and 52 weeks a year, and virtually no income tax so it was affordable. I had more of a shock when I returned to the UK when DD was six - it was much more difficult.

Yes it's doable. It involves nursery fees or nanny/ child minder, and a job that you are able to maintain. There are many of them, it's dependent on where you're willing to, and how much you're willing to do.

Universal Credit was designed to ensure that people would be better off in work than on benefits. So if you work and pay for childcare, you should be able to claim universal credit and get help with childcare costs, plus a decent chunk of your earnings won't be counted when calculating your entitlement. Have you done a benefit check using an online calculator like Entitledto or Turn2Us?

You should get child maintenance too (depending on the father's financial circumstances).

Also with a newborn you are presumably on maternity leave, and hopefully getting maternity pay? Unless you were unemployed before and didn't qualify for SMP or Maternity Allowance?

Hi it’s not the issue of being too proud of claiming benefits, it’s just not having anyone to help with childcare.

Definitely do your research re available childcare and possible working patterns - eg if you pay an hourly rate childminder rather than for flat rate sessions, that influences how much sense it makes to work more hours on fewer days or vice versa, and it constantly changes with free hours, after school provision, different contracts etc. It's all very hodge podge which doesn't help at all. Unless you can afford 52 weeks full time nursery but as you're asking the question you are then I guess you can't. You'll usually end up with more working than not working, with top ups. The trick is not to get stuck at that stage and end up twelve years down the line earning the same and having to find a way of making up the difference as the top ups look to come to an end.

I worked as a single parent to ds 1. I registered as a childminder and did book keeping/accounts at night.

19 years later, I got divorced and found myself a single mother of 3. Managed to work full time and we managed.

I know 2 who do it but they have a lot of family help & well paid jobs.

I'm doing it for the second time right now. Yes, it sucks big hairy ones at times when you look at what you /could/ have done with the financial help of a partner (I lost my house and am currently saving up for a new one - yay), but the freedom it gives you is also incredible.

You say you have a degree - that means your potential earning capacity is high. Use that to your advantage. Rent in a cheap shitty area for a while if you must while you pay for childcare, know that you get help towards that - especially as a single parent. It gets easier once the children are at school and the slog until then can seem endless, but your kids won't miss out if you find the strength to make time with them worthwhile.

@HappyPumpkin81 sounds good!

It’s hard and depends what support network you have. My DD would be unable to work as a nurse without my support with childcare. Yes you can claim help with costs but early morning, evening and overnight childcare is difficult to find.

Finding work that fits in with caring responsibilities is a massive help and often the biggest barrier that single parents face. In my work I’ve seen many mothers making themselves ill trying to juggle it all for very little financial benefit and no work life balance.

@Firefin my degree hasn’t helped with any job. I’ve got a part time job in an area I want to work in.... compliance. Good job.

Good tips. Also if you can get a job with genuinely flexible hours ie flexible start and finish times that will be a lot less stressful - public and charity employers are good for that.

What do you do and what do you currently earn?

Childminders can be more flexible than nurseries for childcare hours.

If you can keep your job (and check if you are entitled to top up benefits), that would be best. It is hard to get back into work after a gap, and given we are facing down a hideous economy, I would expect benefits to not remain the same over the next couple of years.

I know plenty but they are in highly paid professional jobs. This is why I always bang the drum for women to achieve in education, work hard and never be financially beholden to a partner. It’s too important to me to be able to provide for my kids, come what may.

@DisgruntledGuineaPig I earn £13k working part time.

Childcare, you can claim 70% of this back via benefits.

What do you do? As you have a degree, if your current job doesn't have good prospects, could you consider applying to something like civil service fast stream? Very family friendly employer, flexitime etc.
I think it would be very hard to work with a newborn - although some people say they went back within days, there's a reason maternity leave exists. I'd claim what you are entitled to, then look to return to work when your baby is a bit older and a nursery or childminder is an option.
There are different options for funding this - the Entitled To website might help with checking what help you can get towards the cost of childcare. It's likely to be tight financially, but in a couple of years hopefully you'll either be earning more, or be eligible for free nursery hours, or only have to fund wraparound care once they start school.

It's really important that you do stay in work IMO. It will get easier as DC gets older and your future earning power will be vastly reduced if you have more than a very short break.

I paid through the nose for childcare and had an angel of a childminder. I worked every Saturday when ds went to his dad's and had a day off mid week to save on cost. His dad didn't contribute financially at all but I did it without him. It was easier when ds got free nursery hours and then to school, but it was so hard at first.