AIBU to think being a single working parent is financially not possible

[36pregnant]

How do single parents actually manage to survive? I’ve tired in vain to find ways to work part time (thanks Covid) and have a newborn. It seems that it’s not possible and really benefits are the only way.

I'm a lone parent, get no support from my ex, and earn less than you and I do OK. It is possible.

@Scatterbrainbox I did and I would ge getting £1k a month benefits.

That was Based on £250pw childcare

£1k pm? That's good isn't it? If you can cover your childcare on your tax credits and live on what you earn/child benefit. I'm a single parent of 3 and that's what I've done since my divorce years ago. I've always been much better off working.

Of course you will have less disposable income with s baby, whatever route you go down x

Universal credit then... the point is the same... if you are working on a low income you can claim help with childcare costs...

AnotherEmma, I say that as someone who was in the OPs position for a long time until fairly recently.

I meant £1k in total for all benefits.

I work full time, use morning/after schools club and holiday clubs. I've two, they have no contact with their father and my parents don't help. You manage, you have to.

I’ve done a lot of sums. If I pay on average £200pw childcare, work current job, I will get just under £250pw in benefits. So yes it doable. Would be better with help from father but as he’s blocked me....

Can i just ask, how can anyone be exempt from getting a STI, if you had enough contact with someone's bodily fluids to get pregnant (possibly 2 someones)?

If i were in your shoes, OP, i would not keep this baby. I however, would use the pregnancy scare as a full-scale wake-up call to sort my life out. Compliance can be a good field to work in, but obvs isnt working for you. So, how can you change it? Sort out your medication, go back to therapy. Thats what i would do. Your choices are, of course, your own.

[quote kittykat35]**@WiserOwl* @Xenia* has a point though and to be honest (I know OP said she lost a job) but 13k is an extremely low wage for a single woman at the age of 36.[/quote]
It's part time though. I agree, a better paid job would be preferable but the notion that you can just choose this is so demoralising.

All of these thoughts went through my head when I was stuck at home with two small children and I'm not good at anything that was valued in the workplace, any course that lead (almost certainly?) to a job was to do with computers and that's not my thing. I found an admin job in the end luckily and it's secure. I'm not UNintelligent, it's just that my very soft skills aren't valued in a work place or at least I couldn't find an employer who could recognise that I had skills or find a use for them.

It really isn't easy to just ''pick'' a well-paid job. I agree that it
s all choices though and keeping your foot in the door with the part time job while doing well paid cleaning work ''on the side'' even though it probably pays better clears the way for flexible work that pays the bills and doesn't sabotage your long term plan. OP say she likes her pt compliance role

There's always one @36pregnant
Always.

ALWAYS

and when you're a single parent, it hurts MORE. So if you feel upset by judgement on mumsnet now, if you have the baby, stay off mumsnet because it doesn't get better.

What do you want? Would you like to be able to make it work?

@funnylittlefloozie

Can i just ask, how can anyone be exempt from getting a STI, if you had enough contact with someone's bodily fluids to get pregnant (possibly 2 someones)?

If i were in your shoes, OP, i would not keep this baby. I however, would use the pregnancy scare as a full-scale wake-up call to sort my life out. Compliance can be a good field to work in, but obvs isnt working for you. So, how can you change it? Sort out your medication, go back to therapy. Thats what i would do. Your choices are, of course, your own.

I think you are using somebody else's difficult decision to make yourself feel better. Emotionally healthy people do not need to do that.

I was a single parent from DD being 6 weeks to her being 13yo (DP lives with us now). I was unemployed, had to leave my job as I was pregnant (doing bank shifts), and claimed benefits for 6 months. When she was 6 months, I joined a public sector organisation as knew it had good career progression ops (but in an entry level role with less than your on). I already had a degree but couldn't get into that field. I've basically worked my way up and then left with enough experience to move to a better paid organisation. It was really hard, emotionally and physically, as you have no-one to discuss things that worry you. I also had no childcare as family were 200 miles away, I used a nursery and claimed some of the costs back. If I'm being really honest if someone told me how hard it would be, I probably wouldn't have had her but I did have her and she is my life and an absolute joy (even at 16!), we are very close and she makes me smile every day. Each hurdle can be overcome but you need to decide what you would like to do.

You can, but if very young DCs, it’s key that you have a support network, ie grandparents, or flexible childcare. I worked as a single parent, and managed as had combination of nursery and DM, but not sure I would have been able to without help from DM, especially if the father of your DCs is absent or low contact.

@WiserOwl the job is assistant and jo admin, so in the future it should put me ahead. The company is great (charity) and I like the team. I can also request flexi hours and we are working from home for the foreseeable future.

It’s competitive field and it took me long enough to get the job. I have savings and a house, plus car, plus degree (finished 4 years ago). So aren’t they all positives? Sadly not everyone is going to get to the top but considering I had no office experience until 2.5 years ago.,..

Your situation sounds ok. With a pt job in a professional field, you are thinking long term.

With regard to the lodger, that is good steady income. I totally get that it could be awkward but if you got the right tenant, it could be a source of income that isnt taxed and doesnt require childcare.

I have flexitime and it is invaluable. If i have a teachers meeting for one of the kids i dont have to takeca whole day annual leave.

Plus liking the company is priceless. You need to be happy.

It isnt easy but you sound like you can make it work. I hope the decision feels easier after you have digested all the possible solutions.

Plenty of people do it, so how is it not possible?

I work full time on 20k so 1400 take home and get minimum 576 from UC each month plus childcare reimbursement. Which is the maximum in school holidays but only about 300 when in school.

It makes it easier that my childminder is my mum so will do childcare on evenings when I have to do evening shifts once a week (though covid meant I did not have to do any late nights since march,) but now they want to have us do Saturday shifts once a month from November.

@Musereader hi what’s the maximum childcare reimbursement you can get?
I’m assuming you don’t pay your mum for childcare?

@36pregnant it's just over £600 per child per month on UC. I can't remember the exact figure.

You have to be paying an OFSTED registered childcare provider in order to get the money back, so yes, Musereader will be paying her mum.

But it's up to 85% of that childcare cost figure and you have to pay it upfront, then submit proof, and you get it paid back the following month.

The maximum is 646.35 per month for 1 child, yes I do pay my mum as she is ofsted registered and is how she makes a living, she is just a bit more willing to be able to do up to 7pm than any other childminder.