AIBU to think being a single working parent is financially not possible

[36pregnant]

How do single parents actually manage to survive? I’ve tired in vain to find ways to work part time (thanks Covid) and have a newborn. It seems that it’s not possible and really benefits are the only way.

It does work but I think it depends on the job you have. I carried on working 4 days a week after having first child and became a single parent when pregnant with second. My job pays fairly well but i still get help from tax credits.

It's tough. I am self employed, and work flexible hours from home where possible. I also get tax credits etc.

I don't think it's worth trying to kill yourself to do full time, putting kids in after school clubs etc and being exhausted.

Do what you physically can, and don't worry about working full time if you can't. Life's not about beating ourselves with a stick. It's hard enough as a lone parent. That you're working at all is good.

Absolutely if you have this child then celebrate him or her as the miracle you've grown in your body, which is as amazing a feat for a pauper as for a princess. (And then take a bit of time, avail yourself of the state help that you are absolutely entitled to, and work out what to do next. And if necessary in a few years time next, and next etc ... )

I am a single parent of 3 and it is a struggle but the fact my kids are happy and healthy prove I'm doing a good job. I do not go out at all do do not spend anything other than on the kids but I feel guilty all the time if I cannot afford to pay for something they want, like 3 new PS 5 for Christmas.

I was a single parent before I met my partner. I had 2 planned children with ex then he decided to walk away moving to another part of the country so hasn’t had any contact with them so no overnight breaks etc and refuses to pay maintenance and the CMS are useless.

I worked part time and my mum picked up from school when they were younger to keep childcare bill as cheap as possible. I studied at uni for 4yrs to get a degree to try to maximise future earnings. This was only possible due to my mum babysitting x2 a week. I relied on tax credits and child benefits topping up my income. Without that couldn’t have managed.

My life changed when I met a wonderful man who was willing to take on the financial cost of helping me run a home and raise 2 children. Life can be very difficult for single parents when the other non resident parent refuses to pay adequate maintenance and walks away leaving them without any proper break. I’d rather a single parent work part time hours and be topped up with state benefits than reach breaking point. We also need to raise our sons to realise being a real man is taking care of their children and respecting the mother of their children. And teach our daughters that they shouldn’t accept abuse in any form. We need a child maintenance system that works properly.

It really angers me when I hear people complaining single mothers get etc etc for free. Yes there might be cases where someone has a coat life on the back of bad choices but many single parents are just working hard to keep afloat and help should be available for them to live and move their lives forwards.

Where is the father in all this? Even if you don't "know" him as per a previous post you must have "known" him enough to get pregnant by him? What financial support or otherwise is he offering up?

Of course anything is possible - most single parents I know work 1 or more jobs - full time
Hours and use a mix of family and childminders for childcare. Most of them draw the bare minimum in benefits. You have a mortgage so wouldn't be entitled to a lot of benefits from what I've seen lately anyway - universal credit very much favours renters rather than mortgage payers

"avail yourself of the state help that you are absolutely entitled to"

@Enrico thank you for this. I'm sure there are some single parents reading this thread that really needed to hear that.

The guy has blocked me so no chance of him taking responsibility

@Enrico I don’t think I can knowing the baby’s father has cut of all contact

@Meme69

I have 3 children, am a single parent and work full time. It is totally do-able, once you get a decent job. It is the getting a decent job that is the hard bit.

Do you have a support network?

Can you contact CSA OP?

How many children do you have? I think going back to work with kids is hard if you have had a gap and especially where you have no family network.

Single mum and no network as such it’s doable it just seems like it isn’t. I work night shifts 12.5 hours and I have just started using a childminder.

Look on childcare.co.uk. What about working in a school?

@Lillysnotroses one night stand and I don’t have his details

I’m just going to abort. He’s made it clear he’s walked away and I don’t want a child not to have it’s father in it’s life.

If it’s not already been mentioned you’ll need a full sti check given the unprotected sex with someone you weren’t in a relationship with.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss nah I’m exempt.

It is the getting a decent job that is the hard bit.

I disagree. It’s one of the hard bits. Maintaining the decent job and all the expectations of that (extra hours, late nights, travel for work) whilst juggling childcare, child illnesses, school holidays, homework, making costumes, childminder illness, and never ever getting respite from any of it for at least 12 years are just some of the other hard bits.

Child Tax Credits will help with the childcare, so you can work full or part time and afford the childcare. They top up your income too if it is low.

Good luck!

[quote 36pregnant]@IceCreamAndCandyfloss nah I’m exempt.[/quote]
Exempt from what? Catching STIs?

@MushMonster I’ve done the calculators and it doesn’t seem that great. If childcare is £250 you don’t get all that back.

I bet there will be lots of messages on this thread telling you it's possible but I can't read it.

I was cornered for years. I couldn't earn enough to pay for childcare and have money left over never mind pay bills, so yeh, I had to hunker down on benefits for years.

And then, when I felt my kids were old enough to leave alone for a few hours a day, I took a full time job. And a few weeks later, somebody at my son's school told Tusla that he was at home for a few hours a day and then I had to answer to Tusla (this is in Ireland). So, only weeks before, I'd been getting those harrassment letters with a harp on the back ''what are you doing to find work?'' then a few weeks later, literally, within six months I went from having one government agency on my case ''find a job'' to another government agency admonishing me for leaving my son alone for a portion of the afternoon. His sister was home about an hour after him.

It is not easy. And many people are cornered out of the workplace. It's not fair. And what makes it harder is being judged.

How far are you in pregnacy op? You need to think weather you want the baby?

I think the benefit calculators are complicated if your not familiar with them. On UC you get upto 85% back of your childcare costs.

My own experience I pay £520 a month in childcare UC Definitely will help you OP.

Call CAB and explain your situation as you mentioned you have a mortgage so I’m not sure how this will affect things for you.

I’ve been a single working parent since dd was 9 months old, I had no family support. I put myself on a hairdressing course and did that for a while, then enrolled at uni (aged 40) to retrain as a health care professional .
I have just paid my mortgage off (unashamedly boasting) .
It’s a hard slog but can be done.

I work 4 days, get child maintenance and child benefit thats it. I have to pay wrap around childcare for two children. Its possible and doable, but yes a lot of money spent on childcare.

I know it's not ideal but a cleaning job pays more than a low wage one. And you could take your baby with you. House sitting, pet sitting.
It's going to be very hard but can be done if you do keep the baby.