I've got C19. Why is my DH now pretending to be ill??

[dinosaurusmum]

I developed mild symptoms Monday (loss of smell, then taste a few days later) have felt a bit out of sorts but generally fine. Ordered home test anyway. Kept kids off school/nursery as precaution. Husband refused to isolate- "I'm not unwell. No symptoms. Why should I?!" In fairness he works outside and no contact with other others so not really a risk but not the point.

I've been extremely tired all week but thought it was migraine related. Imagine my shock to receive a positive Covid19 test today!

Literally the second I received it, DH has decided he is now absolutely desperately unwell. Has been ill for 2 weeks (err, no you haven't!!) Needs to rest over the next few days and has been generally painful to listen to all day.

I'm still feeling exhausted but getting on with it. He has absolutely no C19 symptoms but as with his usual attacks of hypochondria, I have to suck it up and get on with it. Including taking care of our 1&2 year old ds's whilst he sits on his fucking arse.

Aibu to expect him to grow the fuck up and help and that until he gets a positive test to assume he doesn't have it?! He was honestly 100% fine until my results came back.

Heartbreaking... I've read this thread from the start.

The boys will understand, and you will get stronger and one day look back and think to yourself you did a very good thing standing up to this man. If you can not count on him now through this you'll never be able to count on him.

Hope you get better soon

Read your thread through OP. for you
My H (not DH) does competitive illness, he’s always got “it” much worse, and takes to his bed at the drop of a hat, several times a week. I’m left to deal with the dog and anything else.
No joint children and mine are all adults, but I’m now age 65 and looking to get out - as a PP said, if I was very ill he certainly wouldn’t have my back.

@OhioOhioOhio

Sorry to jump on this thread but I am sick of hearing how women who procreate with abusers are themselves to blame for accepting bad behaviour. This may be a huge shock to some but my bastard xh waited until our children were born before he started to treat me, and them, like shit. He didn't do it on our first date.

This is total hyperbole. This guy is a lazy arsehole, not an abuser That is quite the jump there. The op has made it perfectly clear that this has been a long running issue - no one said it was present in their first date but it certainly hasn't just sprung up since having the dc. He has behaved like this many times and is setting a horrific example to the dc. But you don't think op has a responsibility to throw him out, for her own sake but more so for her dc?

OP well done. I promise you it will not 'tear the heart from your boys'. They will adapt, as kids do. And will benefit so much in the long run. Good luck

Can guarantee it won't tear the heart out of your boys, they are so young they won't know any different, what it will do is show your daughter who is old enough to understand that you are strong and will NOT be treated in such an appalling way. Show her now her mum is not going be walked over. Give her that strength to carry forward into adulthood.

Oh OP. I really feel for you and wish I could make you a nice cup of tea. Your husband is a selfish arse. I’ve been a bit out of action (apart from work but I’m wfh right now) so my husband does practically everything around the house. He even helps me with little things such as holding my hair back while I wash my face etc. He doesn’t complain, although I’m sure he’s had enough of doing everything.
Please leave your husband or your children will think it is normal for the woman to run around after the man, even when she is sick.
You really do deserve better. You have a fair weather husband. You know what the future will be like if you stay.
I hope you look after yourself, rest, drink lots of fluids. Once you are over Covid, please make some changes.

Take a turn for the worse.

Lock yourself in the bathroom and pretend to vomit. Pretend to have breathing difficulties. Give him the kids, go and lie down and tell him that you're so ill you can't get up. Say you're afraid you're going to have to call for an ambulance (clearly don't actually call for one!). Tell him to call social services if he's incapable of caring for his own children because you're not up to it.

I think it is abusive behaviour. He's stopping the op get sleep, when she's sick, on purpose.

Are you ok OP?

Please look after yourself.

Jesus Christ. You have a coronavirus diagnosis and instead of him rallying around, he’s making this all about him. 14 hours in bed meanwhile you have COVID are left to sort the kids out? Honestly tell him to stay somewhere else as he’s making your life more difficult if anything

I've stayed upstairs since this morning's argument and have been seething ever since. His refusal to acknowledge I'm getting worse is making me feel utter rage and contempt for him.

My dd has said she's heard the coughing all day from through the floor and is worried bless her. Husband has pretended I don't exist and apparently been in a mood all day. As well as cleaning out the kitchen. Clearly he's not nearly as at deaths door as he was making out last night/this morning. It's obviously to make his point about how much he does around the house.

I'm mulling over my strategy going forward. He is more of a weight around my neck than a partner to me and I cannot see us surviving this. Especially with his utter refusal to look at his behaviour. In all aspects he is a person who never admits fault. I've ignored his shit for far far too long but I think I've reached the straw that's broken the camels back.

Thank you all for your concern, anonymous vipers. You've expressed more care for me on this thread than my husband has since I was diagnosed and that speaks volumes about the state of our marriage.

I swear to god if I were you I'd crawl out of my crypt to get an appointment with a shit hot divorce lawyer Monday over the phone and nail his ass to the wall. I hope he gets his ass served to him

So sorry op,I really hope you feel better soon. Keep ignoring him. Worry about your health and keep putting yourself first here

@RealityExistsInTheHumanMind

My ex used to be nearly the same. He would play down my illness and complain about me being lazy. As I recovered, he would then become ill and useless and whine 'if I knew you felt like this I would have helped you'

Twat

My ex husband did the same to me. Had norovirus, was vomming and trying to breast feed a 7 month old and he'd be all huffy that I wasn't helping with dinner and then BOOM, two weeks later he got it and was "at deaths door" and "if I'd known it was like this I'd have helped more"...good riddance.

Haha the cleaning to make a point.... oldest trick in the world.

I hope you’ll feel better soon

@Meuniere

Haha the cleaning to make a point.... oldest trick in the world.

I hope you’ll feel better soon

The old passive aggressive cleaning, always a winner. Dickhead.

I think you’ve played this perfectly!!! I’m so glad you’ve taken yourself to bed.

No decisions while you are ill.

Hope you feel better soon. Xx

Bloody hate men!!

Hope you feel better soon op

Hope you feel better soon OP. Update as much as you are able to. Loads of support here

Hope you're OK OP.
His lack of concern for you (or the kids) is awful to read. Please leave him after this--you deserve someone who loves you enough to care.

I can't help but think thank goodness you're not me. I became ill very quickly and ended up on life support in ICU. DH had to take over absolutely everything. He never missed a day of visiting the month I was in hospital. When I came home I couldn't even walk and even partial recovery took a year. I couldn't even look after myself, let alone the children, home and him, which I'd always done.
You cannot rely on him and that undermines everything a marriage should be. You would be better off without him. Your children may miss him being in the home but what sort of an example is he setting. Look what his parents taught him.

He’s telling you who he is so listen.

You have Covid and instead of looking after you and making life easier, he’s gone to work, insisted he was unwell and sworn at you.

Your boys will adapt and you will get rid of the dead weight.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Well it’s not a marriage, is it? ‘Love, honour, cherish and protect’ nope- bang out a few kids, do fuck all, get the woman to do everything and treat her with utter contempt, damage the kids, watch as they repeat what they’ve been taught. Believe him. Remove him and enjoy life, it goes so quickly, don’t accept trash into your home ever again.

Also, your 13yr old will be damaged by this, from experience, having to endure your mother’s choice of shit male in your house and feeling like you have to protect her, causes anxiety, hot rage, and resentment, that never goes away.