I've got C19. Why is my DH now pretending to be ill??

[dinosaurusmum]

I developed mild symptoms Monday (loss of smell, then taste a few days later) have felt a bit out of sorts but generally fine. Ordered home test anyway. Kept kids off school/nursery as precaution. Husband refused to isolate- "I'm not unwell. No symptoms. Why should I?!" In fairness he works outside and no contact with other others so not really a risk but not the point.

I've been extremely tired all week but thought it was migraine related. Imagine my shock to receive a positive Covid19 test today!

Literally the second I received it, DH has decided he is now absolutely desperately unwell. Has been ill for 2 weeks (err, no you haven't!!) Needs to rest over the next few days and has been generally painful to listen to all day.

I'm still feeling exhausted but getting on with it. He has absolutely no C19 symptoms but as with his usual attacks of hypochondria, I have to suck it up and get on with it. Including taking care of our 1&2 year old ds's whilst he sits on his fucking arse.

Aibu to expect him to grow the fuck up and help and that until he gets a positive test to assume he doesn't have it?! He was honestly 100% fine until my results came back.

I really hope you feel better soon.

I guess he's decided being a parent is too much like hard work and he'll move back to mummy's and she'll does his parenting in his contact time

Wow - I recognise the pottering around with non urgent outside jobs to avoid childcare.
Do not tolerate this or him retreating into bed. He should not be in bed with you by the way . You need proper rest and self isolation.

I have covid and kept away from the rest of my family . None of theses got it. DH did everything for the children when I was ill.

Do you have anyone who can support you, seeing as this cunt won’t? If your symptoms are getting worse then it would be helpful to have someone who could at least get some shopping in/cook meals etc

What an awful man he is. Feel
Better soon

As I glad you’re seeing him for what he really is. I hope you’re on the mend soon

chuck him out anyway

He won't be on the streets. But let him sort it out himself.

OP I'm so sorry to read this.
I really hope you feel better soon-- is there anyone that can support you in case you need to seek some medical attention? It is clear that DH is not that person.

Feel better soon and keep the anger. When you are better you can start making plans xxx

What a wanker

[quote Elizaaa]@OhioOhioOhio, that may be so, but doesn't explain why many go on to have more children with these arseholes.[/quote]
That's it... blame the victim.

It's could be many things, including but not limited to having your contraception controlled by him, not even knowing that his behaviour is abusive (especially relevant if you come from an abusive childhood)...

Open your mind and stop blaming the victim.

I'm sorry you are going through this, he should be stepping up more than usual
, not trying to hinder you, or worse getting jealous

Just to add the cherry on top, I've had to pick out human waste from the toilet as it was blocked and wouldn't flush.

His delicate sensibilities prohibit such disgusting tasks.

Genuinely repulsed by his ability to happily watch me suffer.

Yet to ask if I'm ok.
Not so much as offered me a drink or anything to eat since I brought myself upstairs and shut the door. He will try and punish me by not offering so I have to beg for food and drink from him or enlist dd to run after me.

I'm out. Genuinely. I'm utterly disgusted by him. I want him to go.

It will tear the heart from my boys but this is no way to live.

OP, ask him for his results. Drive in centre tend to be back in around 12 hours or less.

If it's negative, send him to his parents, for his own protection.

Don't let him back, ever.

He's vile. He will never step up and help you. HIS boys will end up the same as him if you stay with him, and you will repeat the cycle.

And you have a 13 yr old DD. You need to SHOW her that a man cannot swear at her, tell her to fuck off and then be loved and cared for.

That she CAN expect a future partner to be a partner. An equal one.

He's not helping, he's making it harder by being there, so get rid of him.

If your husband had been poorly for 2 weeks he would be through the worst of it by now I would be P off op!

My DH has never, in over 30 years, told me to F* Off. It would be one of the last things he ever said to me as a married couple if he did.

I am seething on your behalf. My own DH isn't great with illness, but on the rare occasion that I can't keep going he does his best (not always very good, but I can see that he is trying) to do everything I normally do. Marriage is a partnership - it doesn't sound that yours really is.

I am so sorry @dinosaurusmum.
Being ill isn't the time to open you eyes of the vile behaviour of your dh. Covid or not.

Can you get some family support? Any support ? At least for today/tomorrow

Echoing get some support via shopping/cooking. All can be left on the doorstep.

Your DD won't mind getting you food and drink for a while. Make it clear to DD you know it's not right, what he's doing (or rather, not doing) He's not going to help so don't ask.

You can sort out getting rid of him when you're well enough.

ManCovid! Whatever next.

You mentioned up thread that your mil is a saint for putting up with your fil's similar behaviour.

She's not. She's a mug.

Please don't be a mug too. He's adding nothing to your life and making everything harder than it should be.

He's a prize knob. He will probably run home to his ,u S telli there how 'ill' he is and how 'youve not looked after him'

Your MIL is probably a bloody Matyr. Nobody ACTUALLY likes them in real life. Sanctimonious gits. Who wants to live like that??? Definitely get rid so your DD knows you’re not soggy and your boys know that this is not okay.

Listen to others OP- he's selfish and will never change. This selfishness will eek into other parts of your life as time goes on.

The lack of insight or remorse is pathetic. My DH had a tendency to deflect when we first met, but after it being explained to him a dozen times he took it all on board and realised a lot about his behaviour- which was mainly to do with the dynamics of his last relationship before me. He has also always been really good at apologising afterwards and admitting his faults. It is how he deals with this situation afterwards that will be the real decider.

Wow that news article a pp posted was horrible. It's awful.

I watched my friend go through cancer,chemo,surgery,the works.
Shes a single mum to two young adult boys as their father was always a piece of dirt....both those strapping boys did nothing for their mother except ask for money and food and left the place like a tip.
Not one appointment did they attend with her. One even quit his job in the middle of it all and both lay around on their asses whilst she battled cancer and all the daily household tasks. It was truly horrendous to see.
Wft is the cause??
Just the men themselves?The upbringing they had?is it just in their DNA ??!

"My DH has never, in over 30 years, told me to F Off. It would be one of the last things he ever said to me as a married couple if he did."*

I agree.

It's not just the patheticness of pretending to be ill so he doesn't have to deal with his kids, but the nastiness that goes with it.

Well if he does ask the teen to watch the kids so he can do other stuff-he's showing by that that he's not ill, isn't he?

I mean even if Op feels OK atm, isn't it a good idea for her to rest anyway?

He needs to go,OP. Illness often shows up the cracks. Get better yourself, get rid, then have a better life for you and your children.

It won't tear the heart from your boys. It will give them a chance to have a happy and respected Mum.