I've got C19. Why is my DH now pretending to be ill??

[dinosaurusmum]

I developed mild symptoms Monday (loss of smell, then taste a few days later) have felt a bit out of sorts but generally fine. Ordered home test anyway. Kept kids off school/nursery as precaution. Husband refused to isolate- "I'm not unwell. No symptoms. Why should I?!" In fairness he works outside and no contact with other others so not really a risk but not the point.

I've been extremely tired all week but thought it was migraine related. Imagine my shock to receive a positive Covid19 test today!

Literally the second I received it, DH has decided he is now absolutely desperately unwell. Has been ill for 2 weeks (err, no you haven't!!) Needs to rest over the next few days and has been generally painful to listen to all day.

I'm still feeling exhausted but getting on with it. He has absolutely no C19 symptoms but as with his usual attacks of hypochondria, I have to suck it up and get on with it. Including taking care of our 1&2 year old ds's whilst he sits on his fucking arse.

Aibu to expect him to grow the fuck up and help and that until he gets a positive test to assume he doesn't have it?! He was honestly 100% fine until my results came back.

What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? It doesn’t sound like much. LTB

I came back to the thread hoping you were feeling better. I'm so sorry the opposite is true. I hope it turns around soon. Your waste of space DH should be utterly ashamed of himself, but he is probably incapable of that.

Good luck to you and your children when you move forward without him, which I hope you do. You all deserve so much better. I actually can't believe how useless he is being. Idiot.

So he's in the kitchen cleaning out the cupboards and yet is unable to make you a cup of tea or anything to eat? Wow. This is so much worse than the shuffling dressing gown of doom. I've RTFT. And I'm calling LTB.

He's a nasty piece of work who doesn't have your back. You have a serious illness that could be life changing and that is developing fast. Is there anyone you can call to take the children? Shame him in front of everyone. Tell everyone you are worried for yourself and are unable to get up and have not had any food or water. That he's refusing to help and has told you to go fuck yourself.

Regardless of what the utter prick does you actually need someone to look after you, and someone to look after the kids. Since that's not him think what you would do it he didn't exist. Now is not the time to be stoic.

You could be very very ill soon. It's vital you sleep and have nourishment and he's depriving you of both. Think about that for a moment - he's watching while you get sicker, and is actually willing to make you worse. He's a lot more than 'just' a competitive hypochondriac. He's actually a danger to you right now. You need help

@WizardOfAus

OMG ...Just read that Guardian article. it's horrendous but I'm glad they're writing about this kind of thing now.

As with OP's post - this behaviour from men isn't new its just more bad behaviour they've been getting away with.

@dinosaurusmum

How are you doing this morning? Feeling any better?

Predictably, his test came back positive. But he didn't get a text or email confirmation. They told him over the phone yesterday afternoon apparently.

To my shame I actually don't believe him.

He's still absolutely fuming with me. Says he was justified in going to bed as he was tired. I have repeatedly told him that is not a symptom and without my positive result, he would not have been eligible for a test on the basis of that. He then bleated about his "fever" (36.9) I've told him that is within a normal range but it falls on deaf ears. He's still asymptotic.

I've mentally checked out of this relationship. There is absolutely no getting through to him whatsoever.

I don't believe he's positive. Why would they ring him instead of texting? Bollocks.

They wouldn't ring him, there's no capability in the system for them to do so, it's email or text. He might well have been tired, but does he assume your symptoms mysteriously vanished when he 'got' his? Even if he is being honest which seems unlikely, he should still be helping, you have to power on. Eurgh.

In our family we've had 4 tests between us. We have had both a text and email for each one.

A friend recently tested positive. It was text and email. A few days later came a call from test and trace. But the results were definitely text and email.

He’s Fakey Fakerson.

Why are you married to him? There must be better candidates around?

He says he rang for an update and they told him then. Still don't actually believe him. I know I'm absolutely awful for saying that.

Also, dd was tested at same time. Her text & email results are registered to me (I booked the test) I've heard nothing from her tests.

In addition, test and trace were straight on the phone within the hour of my results. He has had no call.

I just don't buy it.

Op I’m gutted for you that you’re not getting the support you should be. He sounds like a selfish prick! My dh has never ever told me to fuck off in the 16yrs we’ve been together.
You deserve so much better than this for you and your kids. Look after yourself and hope you start to feel better soon

I’m sorry he’s also a liar😔

My daughter had a test and it was email and test results. I wouldn’t believe him either, don’t feel bad. It’s his own doing.

Well at least you don't have any doubts about ending the marriage.

Does that mean he has stayed home and not gone to work?

He’s a liar. It’s always text and email.

Dear me he’s foul.

I suppose the silver lining of you catching the virus is that you’ll get rid of this awful man.

hope you feel better soon, once you’ve shaken off this virus - and CV19.

Test and trace didn't call my dh until he was out of the 10 days. It was quite a few days later for me too, so that's not an indicator of whether he's lying or not - but the text/email thing is.

Doesn't matter even if he is genuinely ill. Should still be 50/50 if you are both ill.

Leaving him won't tear the heart from your boys. Staying means they just see a closed world in which this is normal and then have to try to adjust when older, or just copy their father. Leaving shows them that this is Dad's issue and behaviour but it's okay to be different to him and be supportive and kind. What they see him doing is what they'll copy when it comes to confrontation of differences of opinion.

I suppose if he called them (which you can do, there's a number on the receipt you get) they might have given him the result over the phone and it just hasn't fed through to the text/email yet. Seems unlikely but theoretically possible.

I hope you are on the mend soon, OP. What a deeply repulsive shit he is; when your kids are pointing out how badly your H is behaving it's time to teach them that there are consequences for treating people you are supposed to love badly and that they don't have to put up with it.

@OhioOhioOhio

It won't tear the heart from your boys. It will give them a chance to have a happy and respected Mum.

This is 100% true. Please don’t stay with a man who will not support you through the tough times, and life will have tough times, because you’re afraid it will hurt your children. The truth is that it’s so much more important for children to see a happy mother and healthy relationships while they’re growing up, and that’s what you’ll be giving them by getting rid of this man.

I’m chronically ill, and my husband has had to deal with a lot due to my illness. But he considers that part of marriage: he said he’d be here if shit hit the fan, it has, and here we are. You absolutely deserve that from your husband, not someone who tells you to fuck off when you have a single illness that will only (hopefully) last two weeks.

And I really hope you feel better. Please take care of yourself. I’ve had COVID and that cough is no laugh. If you start to feel dizzy, if the pain in your chest gets really terrible or oppressive, if it gets very difficult to breathe, if your face starts to feel much colder than your body and your lips are bluish, please call for help.

My dd has just told me that no such call was made or received last night. She was with him until he fell asleep on the couch at about 10pm.

He unfortunately has form for lying like this. Once telling me he's seen CCTV of me in a club kissing another man, which I 100% didn't do. I won't go into the ins and outs as it's just another nail in the coffin, but clearly he has previous for making shit up to enhance his argument.

I'm so sorry OP. The difficulty with this behaviour is that even if it's just when you're ill (albeit the lying sounds like a wider issue) it's too big a risk in relation to the the potential for serious ill health. As per the Guardian article referenced above, what if you get cancer or a chronic condition?

He gets worse and worse.

Kick his sorry arse out. Prick.