I've got C19. Why is my DH now pretending to be ill??

[dinosaurusmum]

I developed mild symptoms Monday (loss of smell, then taste a few days later) have felt a bit out of sorts but generally fine. Ordered home test anyway. Kept kids off school/nursery as precaution. Husband refused to isolate- "I'm not unwell. No symptoms. Why should I?!" In fairness he works outside and no contact with other others so not really a risk but not the point.

I've been extremely tired all week but thought it was migraine related. Imagine my shock to receive a positive Covid19 test today!

Literally the second I received it, DH has decided he is now absolutely desperately unwell. Has been ill for 2 weeks (err, no you haven't!!) Needs to rest over the next few days and has been generally painful to listen to all day.

I'm still feeling exhausted but getting on with it. He has absolutely no C19 symptoms but as with his usual attacks of hypochondria, I have to suck it up and get on with it. Including taking care of our 1&2 year old ds's whilst he sits on his fucking arse.

Aibu to expect him to grow the fuck up and help and that until he gets a positive test to assume he doesn't have it?! He was honestly 100% fine until my results came back.

Not tired enough to tell me to go fuck myself when I asked if he planned to see to his son or if that's my job too?

If anyone said this to me, there would be no relationship anymore.

I would honestly rather be alone than be with somebody like this.

• doesn't support you when you're ill
• wastes Nhs resources by lying and therefore calling an unnecessary ambulance
• tells you to go fuck yourself
• didn't self isolate putting others at risk before your result

Nah. One of those things would make me question somebody but all 4 together. And I bet that's the tip of the iceberg. Get rid.

I agree this is a very serious issue. It's a type of abuse. Men are so often pathetic wankers who feel entitled to be looked after by women. Urg!

I'm so glad my DH isn't one of these 'you're ill so I'm going to be ill-er'. He's good anyway but really steps up if I'm ill (I rarely am). I recommend getting one of these op.

@ImSleepingBeauty

Tbh if my DH told me to go fuck myself when I was ill and looking after the DC and he’d just had a 12 hour sleep I would be taking steps to LTB.

Same.

Your updates just get worse OP. The scales have fallen from your eyes and you know what you have to do.
He is the worst kind of husband,and as a Father I think he is a disgrace, he is putting his children a risk of covid, what a peach.
I hope you feel better soon. If you are getting worse please seek medical advice because if you are hospitalized or too unwell the lazy Fucker will have to step up.
I cannot convey in this post how much I detest what he is doing.

Just wanted to give you some sympathy op, and say I hope you make a swift recovery.
I'm sorry your partner is letting you down when you need him, it doesn't feel good

I'm surprised you haven't snapped, in a way I admire people who can control themselves.

Personally the fucker would have been told well great, you were "ill" for the past few weeks. You're over it now, here's the kids I'm fucking off to bed.

I'd then leave him a pillow outside the bedroom door, text him to let him know and that I will text/ring when I want food/drink. I'm the contagious one after all.

He is disgustingly selfish.

I couldn't bear to be under the same roof with him a moment longer. He doesnt care about you, he hasnt asked about you once, and he doesnt care about his own kids either.

Tell him to leave.

I feel really bad for you. At times like this you pull together as a team.

He isn't a nice person OP. He is showing you who he really is.

You need to really watch your breathing too. You may feel ok but it could dip. I'd be on the phone right now to his family.

He tells you to go fuck yourself?? Really?
Come on OP x

@dinosaurusmum my experience with that sort of behaviour is that a passive resistance is the best.

Stop! Please stop, go to bed and don't do a thing. If he asks ypu to do look after the dcs, ask why you havent done x or y, repeat again and again. I am ill. I have covid. I need rest.
Then do NOT move.

Because of you say you are ill but still are doing all the things you normally do you are actually telling him you are not that ill after all.
Don't martyr yourself.
Remind yourself of what you would tell your 13yo if he was ill. How they should look after themselves and what they should do. And then do it for yourself. Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would give to your own child.

And then when you are better, look at your relationship and decide if this is the sort of life you want for yourself.

@bringbacksideburns, I was thinking that too. That it would be nice t tell him to leave. Or ave someone lookig after the dcs whilst the OP recovers.

However, she is testing positive with covid. They should all be self isolating and I'm not sure if this is the right time time to do any of that. I mean anyone taking on the DH in their home would end up self isolating too no??

@dinosaurusmum

My 13yr old pointed out that his first reaction to my positive test was "I must have it too!" With absolutely no symptoms. He at no point has asked how I am.

It's all rather fucking depressing.

Why would he? Not only is he a teen who can be lacking in this area at times, but his male role model has also created this. You as the other role model still have time to undo all of this and not send out another "man" like your dh into the world.

Either continue on this path of him walking all over you, and the children raised to think all this is the norm, or start standing up and saying no, it stops now. We are in a partnership IF we are both ill together, you cannot check out of parental duties.

Yep I know. It's a mess.

Then I agree you tell him you need to rest and leave him to it as the more you do the more he'll do nothing.

When his highness gets out of bed, get in and close the bedroom door. Every time he opens the door tell him to stop, he cannot come in you are isolating. I'm not really sure why you didn't take yourself to bed as soon as he walked through the door from work regardless of the results.

You've. put up with this crap for at least 13 years, why?

I'm also going to suggest looking at the freedom program. I am not suggesting DV, however some parts you might find helpful.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

I'd have gone apeshit and gone back in the bedroom and poured a bucket full of ice cold water on his lazy,hypochondriac ass then tell him he's receiving a divorce as a "get well you useless bastard gift" Thankfully I've never experienced this aberrant behavior in a relationship because I'd never tolerate it,and neither should you OP

Canigooutyet you’ve read that wrong. She’s saying her son noticed that was what her partners reaction to her result was. It’s not what her son said, he doesn’t think he has it

Yup, he's taken to bed because he doesn't want to have to do anything that you shouldn't have to do on account of being ill.

You now can't isolate from the the family, because he has fucked off. Therefore making your recovery longer, and putting DCs at risk.

He's a selfish arse..

@dinosaurusmum

So fast forward almost 12hrs later. He's slept the full 12, I know because he's snored like an absolute hippo. 2yr old has woken up. Guess who is seeing to him because'd'h is "too tired"?? Not tired enough to tell me to go fuck myself when I asked if he planned to see to his son or if that's my job too?

I've not slept much. A mixture or utter rage at my situation and by breathing has become more laboured in my chest and throat through the night.

This is no fucking life. He has no intention of supporting me equally through life.

The scales are falling swiftly from my eyes after reading through some of the comments. He'd rather me put the kids at risk than take care of them himself.

Your updates are shocking. You are actually ill with C19, with labored breathing, and he's hiding in bed after a 12 hour sleep with nothing wrong. And told you to fuck off when you started to call him out on in. He actually would rather you expose the DCs then step up, too.

He's actually placing himself above you and his own children WHEN THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM!

I'd demand he'd leave, tbh.

Very calmly in your own words to him: "You clearly have no intention of supporting me equally through life. You've behaved like this before when I've been ill, but this is potentially life endangering. You're even prioritising your healthy self over your own children by letting them be constantly exposed to this disease that I have tested positive for and you have not. I'm done. i want you to go. Pack up your things and go stay with your parents or in a hotel, I don't even care any more. I'm done."

Shock the fuck out of him. But try to make him go. And don't let him come back until he agrees to marriage counselling. He really needs a reality check on his shockingly selfish behaviour.

Not tired enough to tell me to go fuck myself when I asked if he planned to see to his son or if that's my job too?

This is not how people in a normal supportive partnership speak to each other.

I would be so angry that he has put his wants about your actual needs due to his own laziness / hypochondriac tendencies. It’s a very unlikeable personality flaw.

If you don't kick him out for now, btw, your children will grow up thinking this is normal. Just like your DH did. Your son will absolve himself of doing anything for anybody else and always start the 'sick olympics' when his partner is ill, or the 'tired olympics' when his partner is tired. And your daughter will put up with this shit from a future partner.

Tell him to get to fuck.

@Thisismyfightsong

I will never understand why women marry never mind procreate with these types of useless men. He sounds like a complete waste of space who has form for this yet you’ve had two children with him!!!!

I mentioned to my DH that my back felt sore. He ran me a bath and brought me up a glass of wine while he makes dinner. I have been seriously ill before and he moves heaven and earth to do what he can for me.

Unfortunately as he’s taken himself off to bed there is not much you can do but I would strongly consider leaving him and finding someone who actually loves and cares for you and for gods sake don’t have any more children with him!!!

Hope you feel better soon and that your symptoms improve.

Sorry to jump on this thread but I am sick of hearing how women who procreate with abusers are themselves to blame for accepting bad behaviour. This may be a huge shock to some but my bastard xh waited until our children were born before he started to treat me, and them, like shit. He didn't do it on our first date.

@OhioOhioOhio, that may be so, but doesn't explain why many go on to have more children with these arseholes.

It's as if he's grown two heads in front of my eyes this morning. It's despicable.

My 13yr old is my dd. Not his. She has made comment for a while that he's happy to watch me struggle while he rests. It's not normal nor is it acceptable for my dd to expect this kind of future for herself.

I don't remember what poster said it but to paraphrase it said DH is not an equal, he is only half decent through the good times. When the going gets tough I'm left to flounder alone and that's absolutely accurate.

We've had an almighty row this morning and everything he was saying was a deflection and/or minimising. Apparently I should have gone to bed on Monday and stayed there. How? When he's fucked off to work all week (but still claims he has been desperately ill?! So can do a physical job outside in all weathers but cannot help with children as he's so ill/tired?? Ok then)

It's clear he has no remorse or shame. He feels not one iota of guilt that I have symptoms (unfortunately worsening today) PLUS diagnosis but yet he fucked off to bed for a 12+ hr sleep (closer to 14 but who's counting eh?)

I've come up to my room and told him to sort the kids. I'm done. Unfortunately cannot settle and rest as I'm just waiting for him to fuck off and pretend to do non existent jobs outside and leave dd to tend to the boys. If he even dreams of trying that I will be throwing him out today, coronavirus or not. He's not abdicating his responsibilities onto her.

It's because they disguise their bad behaviour by keeping their victim unbalanced. They don't push their luck too much. Each time they do this the boundaries change in the tiniest, tiniest way. Over the years they slowly crank up their abuse.