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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Coming out of work

162 replies

Twistered · 10/10/2020 16:46

I'm mid forties and considering coming out of my part time job completely. Financially we will be ok if we tighten the belts a little. I am just done with working and want to focus on my family even though my children are teenagers now. What else would I do though? Those who don't work can you give me some suggestions how things go without the routine of a job?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 10/10/2020 20:04

Ok OP there's no one else in your home you're beholden too but it isn't an offensive assumption for people to make when you're talking about being able to give up work.

Can you afford to survive without claiming any additional benefits? Can you contribute to do this until retirement if you then struggle to get back into the workforce? Can you manange once you no longer get CB and anything else you might claim at present?

If so then my previous post generally still applies. I'd expect you to spend the daytimes doing all the coming and cleaning so it isn't needed to be done after school and weekends altho given they're teenagers that obv excludes chores for them

Flupibass · 10/10/2020 20:05

Brilliant. If you can manage financially, which you said you can, absolutely go for it. You may decide in the future to go back to paid work in some form or another. You may not. You may be great member of the voluntary force, or not. Just do whatever your gut instinct feels is right for you and your family. Teens actually take a lot more support than some people here are suggesting and those that think it’s horrifying not to do paid work are probably just jealous !

LimaFoxtrotCharlie · 10/10/2020 20:05

What income will you have to live on? And don’t forget you won’t be entitled to full state pension without 35 years of NI contributions - you only get National Insurance credits if you claim child benefit for a child aged under 12

vanillandhoney · 10/10/2020 20:10

If you don't have a spouse to support you, then you're taking an even bigger risk. Unless you have enough money to support you for the rest of your life, then you'd be utterly stupid to give up your job.

If you're not happy, why not look for something else?

Alonelonelyloner · 10/10/2020 20:38

I would suggest seeing an IFA and organising your annual income and changing any investments from risky (if they are so) to conservative/safe ones and then quitting.

If you feel you have enough going on in your life and you hate your job there is no need to do it if you have independent means.
Life is short.
I wouldn't, but I say that as someone who doesn't have a tonne of capital.

LeanishMachine · 10/10/2020 20:39

So if you don't have a man to support you who will? You don't mention savings or any private income.

If you're thinking benefits, what happens when the teens reach maturity?

Xuli · 10/10/2020 20:40

Well, the simple question here, is do you have 20-30k coming in a year from another source to support you? If you do, go for it. If you don't, where's the money coming from?

LindyLou2020 · 10/10/2020 20:59

@Twistered

Wow. Just wow.

For all you worried about my poor DH & me living and sponging off him as I'm too lazy to work ..... Nowhere in my post did I say I have a husband! For the posters who said I should ask my husband ... Absolute shame on you.

I am a self sufficient woman and my household consists of me and three teenagers. No husband. No man that you are all so worried about!

It's truly shocking that in 2020, I ask on a mainly women's forum for advice and that the replies consist of ridiculous comments and concern about my husband.
Who doesn't exist.
Unbelievable.

Well said, Twistered!!! I have been absolutely gobsmacked by some of the bitter, mean-spirited, arrogant, presumptuous comments on here. Twistered's financial, marital, and family situation are nobody else's business but hers. Did it not occur to you that she might have already done a complete financial audit before contemplating giving up work? She was asking for ideas as to what she could do with her time if that's the decision she makes. Period. I thought Mumsnet women were better than this. So disappointed and disillusioned.
user1471462115 · 10/10/2020 21:16

I do apologise for the assumption I made that the “we” referred to in “we will have to tighten our belts....” referred to you and your children.
I did assume it meant the working people in the household and not the ones at school.
And I should have said partner Or spouse instead of husband.

But even more reason to be totally sure you have pensions rock solid sorted with no partner or spouse to share pensions with.

And excellent private health care.

Good luck with whatever you decide, I am quite jealous actually as I need 4 more years of NI to reach a full state pension.

Quandaries · 10/10/2020 21:18

Can you support yourself without resorting to benefits?

Flupibass · 10/10/2020 21:23

Sorry op, I forgot you were asking for ideas with all the pp replies on the wisdom of giving up work.
Volunteer somewhere - loads of different places and types, some type of sport- whatever you like to do, yoga, Pilates, hockey, tennis, join a gym...., book group, learn a new skill, musical instrument, painting, grow your own veg, conservation groups, knitting, walking group. So many things but if it was me I’d like to do things with other people so I’d join groups.
Save some time for your family, be around if your teens need you. They might not engage but I think most like you to be present.
Basically you get a new routine of activities like the above.
There are some people who just can’t get interested in things. If you are one of those you might find it tough.

Lalastepmum · 10/10/2020 21:30

I have worked since I was 16 at some points holding one or more jobs down and reached a point at 39 where I could be home more. I feel totally worn out. So if you can afford it then by all
Means go for it. I am sure if needs must you could get a job elsewhere when that arises.

No matter what we always make things work. X

Ihatefish · 10/10/2020 21:31

Bloody hell, long term no - I’d suggest taking a year out, finding what you want to do. Sort your mind out, reset, but reliant financially on someone else -never. Never ever be reliant on some one else, emotionally, financially or practically!

Original poster
Twistered · 10/10/2020 21:49

20:39LeanishMachine

So if you don't have a man to support you who will?

Quote of the year right there mumsnetters.

OP posts:
LeanishMachine · 10/10/2020 21:53

@Twistered

20:39LeanishMachine

So if you don't have a man to support you who will?

Quote of the year right there mumsnetters.

Yes, a beautifully out of context quote and if you'd read your own thread, you'd see I was one of the few who actually answered your original question about filling your time without ever commenting on your financial situation.

It's starting to look like you set this up deliberately so you could be outraged, as you've ignored everyone who gave you the information you apparently wanted.

Original poster
Twistered · 10/10/2020 22:05

You may not have initially mentioned finances etc but you then went to post if I don't have a man to support me who will?
Am I a mind-reader now as well as a married lazy sponger who needs someone to support me? I predicted an imaginary husband would be commented on? As if for goodness sake.
How in god's name could I have EVER set this up?

There have been some helpful comments but for me they've been overshadowed by all the husband / man to support me comments. I am just so disappointed at those.

OP posts:
LeanishMachine · 10/10/2020 22:13

It's not unreasonable for people to wonder how you're planning to live, especially when you have mentioned having to tighten belts yourself. And you still haven't answered that.

Xuli · 10/10/2020 22:13

Christ, you'll be offended by anything. You can't be that surprised people assumed you had a partner. Talking about your children and your family, it's not like people jumped to the oddest assumption going.

Anyway, this is starting to sound like a deliberate wind up to see how many people would automatically assume you had a partner, just so you could have a go at them.

You don't need to actually outline your finances but they are relevant to the advice you were initially asking. Do you have a private income that's safe and sufficient, or would you be relying on UC or tax credits to assist?

Because if it's the former, know yourself out. If it's the latter, not the greatest idea you've ever had.

GetRid · 10/10/2020 22:19

Agree op this is a disappointing thread. Mumsnet is often like this, with some posters quick to make assumptions.

That said, we're all on tenterhooks to hear how it's possible to never work again when you're so young!

In terms of your original question, I think you'd get bored quickly, as well as lonely once the kids have left home. Sounds to me like you just need a more fulfilling job. The social aspect of working is very important.

Original poster
Twistered · 10/10/2020 22:19

LeanishMachine
It's not unreasonable for people to wonder how you're planning to live, especially when you have mentioned having to tighten belts yourself. And you still haven't answered that

My finances aren't what I asked advice about?????

I was asking what life looks like when you don't have a job, what do people do or imagine they would do if they could leave work? I had hoped people could throw out suggestions which they have and some great things to think about definitely x
Thanks for the suggestions x

OP posts:
LeanishMachine · 10/10/2020 22:21

Which is what I answered and you ignored. But you did also mention finances and tightening of belts.

Original poster
Twistered · 10/10/2020 22:21

Get rid ....... Sadly I lost my parents and had a large payout subsequent to this. I

OP posts:
GetRid · 10/10/2020 22:25

Sorry to hear that op Flowers

Original poster
Twistered · 10/10/2020 22:26

Leanmachine I've really got my knickers in a twist over all the relying on a husband comments and sure I don't know who's said what at this stage.
Your initial suggestions have described some of the things I hope to do but also some of my fears Confused

OP posts:
Bluemooninmyeyes1 · 10/10/2020 22:44

The problem you have is that inheritances run out eventually, so what will you do once you’ve dwindled all the money away on bills and costs of living? Judging by the current climate, there is going to be a lot of competition for jobs in the future and having a few years out may potentially put you at a disadvantage.