Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Coming out of work

162 replies

Twistered · 10/10/2020 16:46

I'm mid forties and considering coming out of my part time job completely. Financially we will be ok if we tighten the belts a little. I am just done with working and want to focus on my family even though my children are teenagers now. What else would I do though? Those who don't work can you give me some suggestions how things go without the routine of a job?

OP posts:
BewilderedDoughnut · 10/10/2020 17:56

Crazy idea @Twistered!

Don't become another idiot financially dependent on her husband.

It so often ends in tears. Terrible example for children too.

lockeddownandcrazy · 10/10/2020 17:58

If I could afford it I would definitely stop work and would have done at 40 - I would still do volunteering stuff but it would be my choice not forced to work- most people cant afford it but if you can do then do.

ArnoldBee · 10/10/2020 18:08

My friend did this and was so happy for a month. 5 years later she has been more depressed than ever due to no longer having a role in life and the kids have flown the nest. She couldn't cope that no-one cared if she got out of bed in the morning. She now volunteers at a charity shop.

ScrapThatThen · 10/10/2020 18:17

This time of life can be a bitch, but you might have a renaissance once you have recovered from childrearing and if relevant to you in the next 5-10 years got through peri/Meno or at least to a point where it is managed well. Leave to do something for you and with a plan that might change but gives you a direction.

LakieLady · 10/10/2020 18:17

If you have hobbies and interests, I'd say go for it, but be mindful of your future pension position.

I'd never be bored. I could have happily spent my whole working life on the sofa, reading, and pottering in the garden. Thankfully, I retire next summer and am planning on doing just that.

Soapysoap · 10/10/2020 18:19

I left my job. It's was becoming a pure shit show and I had enough. I hated it.
We are all so much happier me being at home. I'm keeping on top of the house and we actually having family time, DH and I were like ships passing in the dark before. No stress now. We have time for our hobbies. Wasn't a great hit financially as my job was just part time min wage. I will probably go back to work when the kids are older (currently 5 and 12) but leaving my toxic job was one of the best things I've done in years.

vanillandhoney · 10/10/2020 18:22

What if your husband decided he was "done with work" as well?

You can't just quit working at 40 because you're bored, and then expect your husband to support you for the next 20+ years! You don't have small children or caring responsibilities. You just don't want to work.

What about your pension?

ShalomToYouJackie · 10/10/2020 18:23

What will you do for the next 40-50 years after your children go to uni or move out?

Hopoindown31 · 10/10/2020 18:28

The only person's opinion that matters is your DH/DP as they will be the one carrying the financial can.

Wetweekend99 · 10/10/2020 18:28

So what happens when your husband decides the same?

Just get a new job and support your family. The financial pressure isn't just for a man and the child rearing/ house isn't just for women.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/10/2020 18:30

Ok so the kids are teens.

I'd expect you to do school run / get kids ready and out etc, today and clean the house, get dinner prepped, then collect / receive kids and help with homework etc, get dinner on.
On top keep up with any routine maintenance jobs, sort out the garage etc or those bits that get missed cos you're too busy normally.
Maybe meal prep for the weekend and do all the food shop. Basically so there's v little to do weekends / after work.

Beyond that you are, by MN logic, entitled to half of whatever is left out your DHs salary but it really depends on how much that is as to whether you're joining the gym and going for coffee or whether you're sitting on your sofa reading a book

birdy124 · 10/10/2020 18:32

I also wanted to emphasize what someone else said about if you leave now, you may never get back in the workforce. This is soooo true, age discrimination, esp for women, is VERY real.

I don't agree with ppl saying you're lazy for entertaining the idea. My bet is your taking on the lions share at home, and not fulfilled with your part time work, kind of worst of both worlds. I've been there.

I would def not quit now, but try and leverage what you have to find a more enjoyable role, which may sound impossible but can be done.

Was your husband position always prioritized in the family? I found this took a huge toll on me, like my work was an afterthought anyways so why bother? instead of having any fun hobbies I did shit admin job and all the shit home admin stuff too! ConfusedConfused

Disfordarkchocolate · 10/10/2020 18:35

From my experience teens need a lot of active parenting and being home when they are is lovely.

However, I think what you're proposing is very financially risky at the moment and it would be far better to look for a job you find more rewarding while you are still employed.

Crazycakelady17 · 10/10/2020 18:44

I would think carefully if your husband lost his job or your marriage didn’t work you would be up shit street basically unless you have loads of personal savings you haven’t told us about.
Personally I don’t work but I suffer with severe mental health and see 5 different professionals a week that keeps me busy plus still have a 16 year old and 10 year old at home.
I do find it very lonely at times and am hoping to get back to work once my mental health is under better control

Tana433 · 10/10/2020 18:58

I did this two years ago when i was 46 and its the best thing i have ever done. Kids have both left home (one only a couple of months ago though). I sold my house when i re-married so had a bit of equity from that and we dont have a mortgage on our current house so, as long as we dont live too extravagantly, we are fine. I love the complete freedom it givesme to do what i want when i want to.

SuperEkstra · 10/10/2020 19:02

It doesn't matter what we thing - it matters what your DH thinks. If mine decided to quit work because he couldn't be arsed any more, and thus happy to ensure that I had to take that financial and emotional burden, I'd divorce him.

fliss444 · 10/10/2020 19:19

When I was 52 I decided to give up my job as a Registered Nurse which was well paid but I have never looked back. I wasn't quite ready to give up work altogether and I 'sampled' other roles to suit me. I finally decided I wasn't ready to give up work completely and wanted to 'do my bit' to earn an income. The most important thing to me was working normal hours after years of shifts. 3 years ago my husband and I trained and became registered childminders and provided wrap around care 4 days a week. Due to Covid we have had to put it on hold and have decided to return to it as after school care only. Please think carefully before you give up working altogether. Perhaps take a break to think of something you really want to do? Good luck.

Timeforabiscuit · 10/10/2020 19:38

People are being incredibly harsh! Both myself and my husband have been put through the mill at various points and have done the home role rather than the work one - we talk about it, but actually if your spouse has had enough, then they've had enough!

You are not lazy
You are not selfish

Its just the current situation isn't working and needs changing!

I'd say that permanently stepping out if the workforce sounds like an overcorrection - but if you feel that strongly then something needs to change.

Original poster
Twistered · 10/10/2020 19:48

Wow. Just wow.

For all you worried about my poor DH & me living and sponging off him as I'm too lazy to work ..... Nowhere in my post did I say I have a husband! For the posters who said I should ask my husband ... Absolute shame on you.

I am a self sufficient woman and my household consists of me and three teenagers. No husband. No man that you are all so worried about!

It's truly shocking that in 2020, I ask on a mainly women's forum for advice and that the replies consist of ridiculous comments and concern about my husband.
Who doesn't exist.
Unbelievable.

OP posts:
Original poster
Twistered · 10/10/2020 19:51

:45KarlKennedysDurianFruit

Why should you husband work full time and support you just because you can't be bothered? It's not like you've got small children. Utter laziness

I would like to retract your ridiculous conment please

OP posts:
Original poster
Twistered · 10/10/2020 19:53

I would like you to retract your comment.

In fact I would like anyone who mentioned this nonexistent to see how ridiculous their presumption

OP posts:
SueEllenMishke · 10/10/2020 19:55

The key questions are- where is your income coming from and will it be sufficient to support yourself and a family long term? And is your pension sorted?

Also, how easy will it be to re-enter the workforce if needed?

I8toys · 10/10/2020 19:56

Even more reason to keep your job - teens are expensive, driving lessons and uni. Also they don't need you at home.

Pricklylittlecactus · 10/10/2020 20:01

If you are the only adult in the house you kinda have to work unless you have lots of savings/investment etc to fall back on

PicsInRed · 10/10/2020 20:02

I think you'll come to see this as the grave strategic error of your life, OP.

Don't give up a decent part time job when you have teens, in your mid forties, during a pandemic.

Those kids will leave home, divorce is always a possibility (moreso if resentment grows) and the jobs market will sour very shortly. It's much more difficult to get a new PT role than to turn a FT role PT as an existing employee, so you may not be able to reverse this if you later change your mind, without going FT.

I would strongly advise against this.

Swipe left for the next trending thread