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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend gave me covid - AIBU about how I feel right now

403 replies

aibuQuestion · 10/10/2020 12:52

Just want to know if I'm overreacting here.

I agreed to babysit a friend's baby for an hour last week so she could run an errand. They came to my house and I kept baby in the sling throughout (baby's happy place apparently).

Three days later I got a call from this friend who had tested positive for covid. The following day I started feeling unwell, a couple of days after that my DC developed a temperature and my DH also started feeling unwell. We got tests and are currently all covid positive.

The friend had said her symptoms started the night after I babysat. So two days before she told me about the test result. I'd seen her DH one of the residential streets here wearing a mask the day after I babysat (so the day of the night her symptoms started) which I remember thinking was odd as literally nobody else was on the road except for me. But maybe a coincidence or he always wears it - as she said symptoms started that night.

If she'd told me when her symptoms had started I would have been way more careful around my DC and DH but as I had no symptoms myself and was unaware of hers, nothing changed. Still cuddling and kissing my two year old, sharing cutlery at dinner, not wiping down handles indoors etc. My DH continued to go to work and saw friends (they all have to self isolate now and one feels unwell). Luckily I knew about the result before going into work that weekend and before seeing my high risk family members. By sheer luck I'd had to cancel a play date the day after I babysat.

AIBU to be very angry that I could have prevented infecting my family?

OP posts:
Original poster
aibuQuestion · 10/10/2020 13:39

@BessMarvin I agree. My DH and I haven't had temperatures at all (although have felt cold at times)

OP posts:
Howlooseisyourgoose · 10/10/2020 13:40

(yes she stayed for a bit before and after).

So effectively your fault, OP. Stop passing the buck.

Branleuse · 10/10/2020 13:40

I agree she should have told you that she had symptoms, but I dont think it would have meant that you had to isolate until she tested positive, and also it would have been too late by then

Howlooseisyourgoose · 10/10/2020 13:41

@BessMarvin

Being one of the few people who seems to actually grasp your aibu, I don't think you are being unreasonable. She knew you'd been in close contact with her baby so I think she should have let you know. If I get symptoms that make me test I would tell people I'd been near. OK they'd be family but even so.
You're assuming the baby gave OP COVID.
Feefifo9 · 10/10/2020 13:41

YABU, many of us, especially with young children have isolated numerous times and it's just been an ordinary cold type virus which gave us a temp or cough. If I told everyone, every time we'd had to be tested it would have been really disruptive totally unnecessary. She told you once she knew.

toffeekiwi · 10/10/2020 13:42

The friend had said her symptoms started the night after I babysat

Do you expect all of your friends to be psychic?

MiddleClassProblem · 10/10/2020 13:43

I thought you are only meant to get tests if you have one of the listed symptoms or had been asked to by gov/council/hospital...

ViaTheMatterhorn · 10/10/2020 13:45

@Augustbreeze

Are you saying that the minute any of us realises we have one of the three main symptoms we should tell anyone who might be a close contact?

You could be right, but I don't think anyone's doing that at the moment. A few might tell you if they've booked a test, most wouldn't until they had a positive result and some not even then.

To put an alternative POV, my DD messaged everyone she had been in contact with as soon as she developed a complete loss of sense of smell very suddenly. She felt it was important for people to be aware and make their own decisions on what they did, or didn't, do next. As it turned out, she did have covid, so may have prevented some spread.
ChloeCrocodile · 10/10/2020 13:45

YABU. I had a covid test this week, and didn’t tell anyone (apart from work) until after my result. I was 99% sure it was just a regular cold type virus and didn’t want to cause unnecessary worry. Everyone I told after the negative result said I did the right thing.

The majority of people getting tested don’t have covid. You can’t have contacts going in to isolation every time someone has a cough!

AuditAngel · 10/10/2020 13:45

DD1 has a cold last week, Monday the slight cough got a lot worse, I ordered her a test.

DD2 had gone to a friend’s house after school. They are in the same class so the same bubble. She is an only child. I told the mum as soon as she bought DD2 back.

I don’t think DD1 has Covid, but we have stayed in, in line with the rules. Bloody annoying as DD2 was supposed to have a day out today for her birthday.

elenacampana · 10/10/2020 13:46

Firstly - I’ve been Covid positive and experienced feeling unwell during this pandemic so I am speaking from a place of experience.

Secondly - you are being unreasonable. You knew the virus was in the country and cases were rising when you agreed to watch the baby so it was your risk and you took it. You friend couldn’t warn you about a virus she didn’t know she had. Also, your family were at a very high risk of catching it as soon as it came into your house.

So, with all of those factors to consider - I think you should let it go and concentrate on getting better from it.

hereyehearye · 10/10/2020 13:46

Look, there's no point wiping down shopping if you are going to mix households! This is 100% on you. Why even do it? Your poor friend. You should have followed the rules.

MiddleClassProblem · 10/10/2020 13:46

As I said before, the germs were already in your house/on you when she started getting symptoms for at least 24 hours... If they were the source.

Other than your DH going out, what difference would it have actually made?

You chose to go against social distancing guidelines, you chose to not clean the house, possibly yourself and clothes, after the babysitting. And you chose to agree to have the baby in a sling.

Frazzled2207 · 10/10/2020 13:47

I think you accepted the risk by babysitting the child. I don’t think the friend has done anything wrong at all- she is probably feeling bad for infecting you. I agree that ideally she would have told you she was worried as soon as she got symptoms but officially speaking everyone (except immediate household) is to carry on as normal until a positive test. She quite possibly didn’t want to worry you.

WhatWouldJKRDo · 10/10/2020 13:47

@BessMarvin - we’re coming into cold and flu season, the kids are back at school, it’s been one thing after another around here. Plenty of coughs, temperatures, sore throats.

BessMarvin · 10/10/2020 13:48

Howlooseisyourgoose

BessMarvin

Being one of the few people who seems to actually grasp your aibu, I don't think you are being unreasonable. She knew you'd been in close contact with her baby so I think she should have let you know. If I get symptoms that make me test I would tell people I'd been near. OK they'd be family but even so.

You're assuming the baby gave OP COVID.

No I'm not. The point is, the friend had symptoms that meant she was getting tested. She knew she'd just recently seen the op and the op had been close to her baby (who would obviously spend time close to the friend). So she should have told the op she was getting this test done due to symptoms. Whether the baby or the friend did or didn't give op covid is not the point.

NameChange84 · 10/10/2020 13:48

So prior to the OP babysitting her child this woman KNEW she had a temp and cough and that she’d spent the prior weekend with Covid positive people and withheld this information?

You’d have to be either insane or saint like to be ok with that. She knew there was a chance she had Covid and let the OP go ahead and babysit. That’s a terrible, wreckless, dishonest thing to do. I’d be very upset.

Letsgetgoing123 · 10/10/2020 13:48

If you caught it from your friend, you must have been in close contact with her, presumably for over 15 mins indoors? (Unless you caught it from the baby?). That’s a bit irresponsible at the moment. Childminders are advised to hand over the child on the doorstep.

It also sounds like you’re meeting up with quite a few people, as you mention work, play date and high risk relatives. Even if you’re keeping to the rule of 6, the more people you have contact with, the more risk you have of catching and spreading the virus.

Realistically you don’t know if she passed it to you or vice versa. Yes it would have been nice to know that she had symptoms straight away, but it would still be hard to distance from a 2 year old.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 10/10/2020 13:49

You are being terribly precious. Are you/your family very ill? Presumably not if you are managing to be on mumsnet.

Atm the vast majority of Covid tests come back negative. It is usually more likely that a cough and mild fever are not covid. I wouldnt be ringing everyone I knew until I had a positive test either, unless I knew someone had a very vulnerable person in their household (but then I would expect someone in that position to protect themselves by not agreeing to babysit).

MiddleClassProblem · 10/10/2020 13:50

I would also like to say that not everyone getting a test thinks they have Covid!

If you get a cough (like DD did) and you are pretty sure it’s just a cold, (the same cold that had been doing the rounds and starts with a runny nose for 4 days) you have to get a test to prove your cough is ok for school/work etc.

flossletsfloss · 10/10/2020 13:50

YABU, you accepted the risk when you babysat. She could have told you about the symptoms but maybe she didn't think it was worth it until she had a positive test. There are plenty of coughs around, and could have made you and her feel worried and rubbish for no reason. You are angry you have covid, I feel sorry for you but it's not your friends fault. Hope you feel better soon.

Laaalaaaa · 10/10/2020 13:51

Just completely lock yourself away from all human contact if this is how you feel. You have to take some blame as you were not forced to look after her child - she did not infect you intentionally.

AmelieTaylor · 10/10/2020 13:51

@WaxOnFeckOff

Really couldn't care if I caught a cold from anybody in normal circumstances but we are in the middle of a pandemic aren't we

No, we are really not. The pandemic ended in May.

The pandemic ended in May?

Maybe you should tell the Govt, WHO, European leaders and the families of those who have died since then.

What are you on?

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 10/10/2020 13:52

What do you mean your husband cocontinued seeing friends and now they all have to isolate as well? And you had a playdate planned?

So basically, you're ignoring restrictions and now you're annoyed you've got it and have probably spread it around the frind groups you're having close contact with.

BessMarvin · 10/10/2020 13:52

@MiddleClassProblem

As I said before, the germs were already in your house/on you when she started getting symptoms for at least 24 hours... If they were the source.

Other than your DH going out, what difference would it have actually made?

You chose to go against social distancing guidelines, you chose to not clean the house, possibly yourself and clothes, after the babysitting. And you chose to agree to have the baby in a sling.

All the people the dh saw who are now stuck at home for 2 weeks who wouldn't therefore necessarily have had to, it would have made a big difference to
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