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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend gave me covid - AIBU about how I feel right now

403 replies

aibuQuestion · 10/10/2020 12:52

Just want to know if I'm overreacting here.

I agreed to babysit a friend's baby for an hour last week so she could run an errand. They came to my house and I kept baby in the sling throughout (baby's happy place apparently).

Three days later I got a call from this friend who had tested positive for covid. The following day I started feeling unwell, a couple of days after that my DC developed a temperature and my DH also started feeling unwell. We got tests and are currently all covid positive.

The friend had said her symptoms started the night after I babysat. So two days before she told me about the test result. I'd seen her DH one of the residential streets here wearing a mask the day after I babysat (so the day of the night her symptoms started) which I remember thinking was odd as literally nobody else was on the road except for me. But maybe a coincidence or he always wears it - as she said symptoms started that night.

If she'd told me when her symptoms had started I would have been way more careful around my DC and DH but as I had no symptoms myself and was unaware of hers, nothing changed. Still cuddling and kissing my two year old, sharing cutlery at dinner, not wiping down handles indoors etc. My DH continued to go to work and saw friends (they all have to self isolate now and one feels unwell). Luckily I knew about the result before going into work that weekend and before seeing my high risk family members. By sheer luck I'd had to cancel a play date the day after I babysat.

AIBU to be very angry that I could have prevented infecting my family?

OP posts:
GrandAltogether · 10/10/2020 13:14

You're turning the fact that you saw her DH wearing a mask on the street into the suggestion that your friend lied about when her symptoms developed? That really isn't evidence -- some people rip masks off the second they get outdoors (I'm one of them), some people keep wearing them outdoors.

Honestly, you can't trace the path of this infection -- as pps have said, you could have infected her, or someone else could have infected you both. The question that comes to mind from your posts is why, given that you're wiping down shopping and opening post at the door (not sure I get this last part?), you agreed to have your friend and her baby in your house at all.

The chances of infection are much higher from person to person contact indoors than from shopping or post. It wouldn't occur to me to wipe down shopping, but I'm not having anyone in my house at the moment, and I only see family, friends or ILs outdoors.

Kandinsko · 10/10/2020 13:16

YABU. I hope the responses here help you to let go of the need to apportion blame and from potentially damaging your friendship. It sounds like you are freaked out and regret looking after the baby. It’s not your friend’s fault. Chances are you will all be fine. Hope you all have a speedy recovery!

hardboiledeggs · 10/10/2020 13:16

YABU you should not have been babysitting and you likely would not have caught it.

Augustbreeze · 10/10/2020 13:17

If I developed a temp and new cough (and decided to book a test) then I probably would tell close contacts, they are symptoms that make it more likely to be Covid.

But it's not in the official guidance and most people wouldn't.

And research shows there's lower than a 50% chance of infecting other household members, so it's by no means a done deal.

Mindymomo · 10/10/2020 13:17

I’m sorry for you and your family but it just shows how easily it can be passed on and the chaos it causes in such a short time.

notapigeon · 10/10/2020 13:17

Yes she should have told you with her symptoms - just a text to say 'we've got symptoms just wanted to let you know'

Although I don't know really how you could have avoided giving it to your husband and child, as her symptoms started the next evening? So you'd have had 24 hours kissing and hugging them.

I wouldn't be angry at her, because I don't think it would have changed anything.

Hope you all feel better soon Thanks

MiddleClassProblem · 10/10/2020 13:18

DD has a cold with a cough recently. At school, you isolate until a negative test or 14 days. The rest of the class carry on with normal school unless there is a positive test result.

They don’t need to isolate unless they know someone has it because, especially this time of year, it could just be a cold or flu.

On this basis I have no issue with what she did. And why scare monger you when you had no symptoms and she did know it was definitely that.

I see what you are saying but if you feel that way you should do extra hygiene cleaning/precautions after someone visits rather than blaming them. Maybe blame yourself because you broke the rules of social distancing...

IpanemaFlowers · 10/10/2020 13:18

I think you’re getting a hard time here. She should have told you as soon as she got symptoms so you could isolate yourself from your family while she awaited her test result.

AmIACowBag · 10/10/2020 13:19

Op YABVU.

ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords · 10/10/2020 13:19

Everyone seems to be missing the point. OP isn't cross the friend gave it to them, she's cross they didn't tell her as soon as they developed symptoms, so that her own family could be more careful about their activities and avoid potentially spreading it (which they have possibly done). OP, YANBU.

Except the timescale of the OP and her family members developing symptoms don't fit with her catching it from the friend and then the family getting it from the OP.

Original poster
aibuQuestion · 10/10/2020 13:19

Really couldn't care if I caught a cold from anybody in normal circumstances but we are in the middle of a pandemic aren't we? And you have to isolate if you get even ONE of those symptoms, regardless of test results.

In terms of me giving it - well I doubt it, as the group of people she saw the weekend before have tested positive too. But that's irrelevant to what I was asking.

I don't blame my friend for catching covid - I'm sure she didn't go around looking for it. And I chose to accept her request to mind the baby, as I honestly feel people are doing their bit to be careful anyway. I just feel upset about not being told of the symptoms sooner so I could have been more careful and to know i'd done everything possible to protect my young child and DH.

Anyway I do appreciate the answers, even the harsh ones, as I'd only ever brave AIBU if I feel I need a different perspective on something.

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
Devlesko · 10/10/2020 13:20

You caught covid from your friend by agreeing to see her and baby sit.
Did you think baby sitters were immune?

farmerswifey2 · 10/10/2020 13:20

I wouldn't say you were being super careful to be honest...Yes you may be washing your shopping (which still sounds completely crazy) but you're happy to have play dates. Visit family, your husband is meeting with friends and going out to work. You could have contracted it on any number of occasions....

MrsBrunch · 10/10/2020 13:21

Surely you would have had to catch it off the baby though? Or did you spend time with your friend as well as the baby?

They do say that mixing households is one of the fastest ways to spread it.

itchyfinger · 10/10/2020 13:22

Maybe you infected her? Anyway, there is no way you could have stopped it spreading to your family assuming you live in the same house.

Bluntness100 · 10/10/2020 13:22

In terms of me giving it - well I doubt it, as the group of people she saw the weekend before have tested positive too. But that's irrelevant to what I was asking

I’m not sure I’m buying here any more. There is no way every single person you come into contact with catches it, in fact it’s generally a fifty fifty, I think you’ve jumped to over egging it too far.

The truth of the matter is you could have infected her, and you’re to blame. So give over.

FirstOfficerDouglas · 10/10/2020 13:23

Both you and your husband work do you not?

Zoecarter · 10/10/2020 13:23

That sounds like too short an incubation period for it to come from her you probably got it elsewhere x

WaxOnFeckOff · 10/10/2020 13:23

Really couldn't care if I caught a cold from anybody in normal circumstances but we are in the middle of a pandemic aren't we

No, we are really not. The pandemic ended in May.

FirstOfficerDouglas · 10/10/2020 13:23

You could have picked it up from anywhere

NRatched · 10/10/2020 13:24

@Earltray

She certainly had a speedy test turnaround.
It can happen, just seems very rare. My dad got a test on a Friday at 3pm and got results 9am Saturday morning. This should be the norm really, rather than the exception.

But yes OP I agree with many others that YABU. You knowingly took the risk, and being mad at someone for passing on a virus they didn't know they had is a bit daft. Kind of reminds me of a friend who went totally overboard when another friends kid had a playdate with hers, and it turned out the child had passed a sickness bug onto her child. The ill chils had shown no signs of illness besides a slight headache, which it wouldn't really be 'normal' to cancel for something like that, But apparently, the kid should have been kept away from everyone else as soon as they mentioned a slight headache just incase Hmm

Its irrespnsble of your friend, if they had the actual main symptoms to carry on as normal. Bu 'symptoms' cover a huge range of things, and I would think given how mildly many get it, most would just assume a bit of a cold, if that. You were informed after positive test, which is about all you can expect.

Also agree on incubation period meaning its quite possible you caught it elsewhere and its just coincidence.

WoobyWoo · 10/10/2020 13:25

I had my dc tested and didn’t tell anyone until they’d received a negative result just because I didn’t want to cause a massive panic wrt everyone at school etc thinking they needed a test etc. It turned out to be just a cold which tbh is what I thought but wanted to make sure. If I’d phoned up all the parents in school, sports etc to say we had a cough and temp and were getting tested it would have caused carnage for no reason.

LemonTT · 10/10/2020 13:25

@aibuQuestion

The point of my AIBU was I'd have like to have been told when her symptoms developed - not over 48 hours later when the test result came through. I accept I got the infection but if we had been told on the day the temperature and cough developed, we would have isolated from then while waiting for her result.

And I've heard lots of stories where families in the same house have managed to prevent passing on to others.

I agree. People who get symptoms, sufficient to make them test should inform people they were in contact with over the previous few days so they can isolate
ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 10/10/2020 13:25

Yes, she should have told you when she developed symptoms that were enough to lead her to book a test.

But the babysitting was the real issue: your friend is out and about while you're still keeping a child at home and wiping down packages. You should never have babysat her baby and then had her into your home for a chat if you were that concerned about catching it.

It's also why children ARE included in the group of 6 count in England: families and children visiting each other in homes throughout August, September were a real contributor to numbers staying high.

Shell7272 · 10/10/2020 13:25

@Earltray,I thought the same!

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