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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend gave me covid - AIBU about how I feel right now

403 replies

aibuQuestion · 10/10/2020 12:52

Just want to know if I'm overreacting here.

I agreed to babysit a friend's baby for an hour last week so she could run an errand. They came to my house and I kept baby in the sling throughout (baby's happy place apparently).

Three days later I got a call from this friend who had tested positive for covid. The following day I started feeling unwell, a couple of days after that my DC developed a temperature and my DH also started feeling unwell. We got tests and are currently all covid positive.

The friend had said her symptoms started the night after I babysat. So two days before she told me about the test result. I'd seen her DH one of the residential streets here wearing a mask the day after I babysat (so the day of the night her symptoms started) which I remember thinking was odd as literally nobody else was on the road except for me. But maybe a coincidence or he always wears it - as she said symptoms started that night.

If she'd told me when her symptoms had started I would have been way more careful around my DC and DH but as I had no symptoms myself and was unaware of hers, nothing changed. Still cuddling and kissing my two year old, sharing cutlery at dinner, not wiping down handles indoors etc. My DH continued to go to work and saw friends (they all have to self isolate now and one feels unwell). Luckily I knew about the result before going into work that weekend and before seeing my high risk family members. By sheer luck I'd had to cancel a play date the day after I babysat.

AIBU to be very angry that I could have prevented infecting my family?

OP posts:
MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 10/10/2020 13:02

Yabu. You took the risk by babysitting.

Original poster
aibuQuestion · 10/10/2020 13:02

The point of my AIBU was I'd have like to have been told when her symptoms developed - not over 48 hours later when the test result came through. I accept I got the infection but if we had been told on the day the temperature and cough developed, we would have isolated from then while waiting for her result.

And I've heard lots of stories where families in the same house have managed to prevent passing on to others.

OP posts:
Nikori · 10/10/2020 13:03

I think it's extremely hard not to pass it on to family.

It's shit and I hope you all don't get it too badly. I agree that your friend should have told you sooner, but she was probably just hoping it was nothing.

GoldfishParade · 10/10/2020 13:03

It's cold season. You expect everyone in your phone book to contact you saying they have a runny nose?

LiveFromHome · 10/10/2020 13:04

Yes, your friend is a dick for not telling you as soon as she showed symptoms.

Hope you all get well soon.

Quartz2208 · 10/10/2020 13:04

I think you are angry because having been so careful you decided to babysit a friends baby - because that is the decision point. Your friend doesnt seem to have done anything wrong and has followed procedures (you only say once you receive a positive test)

pandarific · 10/10/2020 13:05

To be fair though, symptoms can be crazy mild and totally vary per person, as in 'oh I have a bit of a headache' or 'ugh my stomach I must have eaten something'.

How on Earth was she supposed to know it was COVID? You are being very silly.

Original poster
aibuQuestion · 10/10/2020 13:06

It definitely didn't come from me, hadn't been anywhere and don't have my child in childcare. My symptoms were mild and started 3-4 days after hers. The people she saw the weekend before I baby sat were also positive.

As @nibdedibble kindly pointed out my AIBU is not that I got it. I know/hope she was feeling completely 100% when she brought her baby in (yes she stayed for a bit before and after). I accept I got it.

I'm just thinking if you develop a cough AND a temp you'd tell your close contacts right away before awaiting a test result to let them make an informed actions from then on? My own test result took 5 days to arrive!

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 10/10/2020 13:06

It’s possible you had the virus when you were babysitting and doesn’t it have a weeks incubation period before symptoms show up?

zafferana · 10/10/2020 13:06

I agree she should've told you straight away OP - that would've been the kind, decent and public-spirited thing to do. But I don't think it would've prevented your family from getting it - it's almost impossible to SD when you live in the same house and particularly when you have a toddler. I hope you all have it mildly Flowers

Bluntness100 · 10/10/2020 13:07

Has your husband also not been anywhere op?

Florencex · 10/10/2020 13:07

YABVU. She didn’t know she had the virus, she informed you as soon as she did know. Her DH was out wearing a mask, so being responsible before anyone had symptoms which only developed that evening.

Do you get this angry with people when you develop a cold?

Also your DH’s colleagues and friends do not need to self isolate or do anything else if they do not have symptoms, a positive test result and have not been contacted by track and trace. Stop over reacting and read the rules rather than make up your own.

yellowsun · 10/10/2020 13:08

The schools guidance is that everyone goes about their business until a positive test result. She hasn’t done anything wrong. She may have been worried about making you anxious for no reason if it wasn’t positive.

In reality, how much would you have been able to isolate yourself from your family?

Cabinfever10 · 10/10/2020 13:08

Yabu she didn't know she had covid and didn't infect you on purpose and the fact is she may not have been the person who you caught it off as it has a 7-14 day incubation period

Nikori · 10/10/2020 13:08

Well, she must have suspected she had it if she got tested.

My work has told us that we must report if we are thinking about getting tested, not wait until we get the results.

But, I assume as it's a friend of the OP, she didn't mean any harm. She made a mistake.

TravellingWanabee · 10/10/2020 13:08

@GoldfishParade

It's cold season. You expect everyone in your phone book to contact you saying they have a runny nose?
A runny nose isn't one of the symptoms, so this comment makes no sense.

Everyone seems to be missing the point. OP isn't cross the friend gave it to them, she's cross they didn't tell her as soon as they developed symptoms, so that her own family could be more careful about their activities and avoid potentially spreading it (which they have possibly done). OP, YANBU.

SeaToSki · 10/10/2020 13:08

I think she absolutely should have told you as soon as she had symptoms. Clearly they were enough for her to get a test, its not like she didnt suspect anything. You could have avoided potentially passing it on if you had known earlier

pandarific · 10/10/2020 13:09

@TravellingWanabee actually it is, just a less common one so it's not on the official guidance list. It makes it difficult, but it really does effect quite a lot of people atypically.

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 10/10/2020 13:10

If your DH goes to work how do you know he didn’t give it to you and you gave it to the baby?
Unless none of you have left the house and had zero interactions with anyone but your friend you can’t really be sure where it came from...
Plus she didn’t know so it’s not like she did it on purpose! What are you hoping to gain by blaming your friend?

Iggly · 10/10/2020 13:11

Tell you she developed symptoms? Then what? You’d have to keep away from your family for 10 days - and I’m willing to bet you wouldn’t have done without a test result.

It’s autumn and everyone is coughing, sneezing etc all over the place.

WaxOnFeckOff · 10/10/2020 13:11

She could easily have had no symptoms and you would never have known anyway. Sick of this blame culture - who do you blame when you catch a cold or flu?

Original poster
aibuQuestion · 10/10/2020 13:11

Thank you to those very kind posters who have read the OP and understand what I'm asking 🙏🏼 I really appreciate it.

And yes it's not a runny nose symptom. She had a temp of 38 and a new cough. That's 2 or the main 3 isn't it?

OP posts:
pandarific · 10/10/2020 13:12

Fair enough if those were her main symptoms, yes ideally she should have told you.

Bluntness100 · 10/10/2020 13:12

@SeaToSki

I think she absolutely should have told you as soon as she had symptoms. Clearly they were enough for her to get a test, its not like she didnt suspect anything. You could have avoided potentially passing it on if you had known earlier
Based on thr ops incubation period, she could have infected the friend. She’s not commented on if her husband works. Unless inc her husband they all stay at home and never see another human being.
LetsSplashMummy · 10/10/2020 13:13

I don't think you have any more right to be angry with her, than your DH would have to be angry at you for babysitting, or his colleagues might have to be angry with him. She didn't knowingly infect you and she has contacted you as soon as she knew it was Covid. With mild symptoms, she probably only got the test as a precaution.

However, I don't actually believe you would go to the lengths of isolating from your household every time someone in your vicinity had a temperature, how often have you done that - in your house? If you have not regularly isolated the kids from DH because someone at nursery was off sick, or isolated yourself because DH had a colleague off work, waiting on test results, then this is only a decision you would make with hindsight.

You are choosing to take the risk of cuddling up to members of a different household (the baby in a sling). This is deflection because you feel a bit stupid for doing that. Let it go and focus your energy on getting better and looking after your DCs.

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