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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend gave me covid - AIBU about how I feel right now

403 replies

aibuQuestion · 10/10/2020 12:52

Just want to know if I'm overreacting here.

I agreed to babysit a friend's baby for an hour last week so she could run an errand. They came to my house and I kept baby in the sling throughout (baby's happy place apparently).

Three days later I got a call from this friend who had tested positive for covid. The following day I started feeling unwell, a couple of days after that my DC developed a temperature and my DH also started feeling unwell. We got tests and are currently all covid positive.

The friend had said her symptoms started the night after I babysat. So two days before she told me about the test result. I'd seen her DH one of the residential streets here wearing a mask the day after I babysat (so the day of the night her symptoms started) which I remember thinking was odd as literally nobody else was on the road except for me. But maybe a coincidence or he always wears it - as she said symptoms started that night.

If she'd told me when her symptoms had started I would have been way more careful around my DC and DH but as I had no symptoms myself and was unaware of hers, nothing changed. Still cuddling and kissing my two year old, sharing cutlery at dinner, not wiping down handles indoors etc. My DH continued to go to work and saw friends (they all have to self isolate now and one feels unwell). Luckily I knew about the result before going into work that weekend and before seeing my high risk family members. By sheer luck I'd had to cancel a play date the day after I babysat.

AIBU to be very angry that I could have prevented infecting my family?

OP posts:
MJMG2015 · 10/10/2020 13:52

I think that she should have told you at the point she started feeling rough & felt like she needed a test. It's just the rational thing to do!

CoffeeInAnIV · 10/10/2020 13:52

YABU. She didn't know she had it.

Rosebel · 10/10/2020 13:53

Even if she told you straight away you probably still would have infected your family. I assume you didn't distance yourself just incase. You knew the risk and unfortunately this was the result. No one outside your household needs to isolate either unless they develop symptoms.
I had a Covid scare this week and got the results in 24 hours, my husbands colleague had to wait 4 days so it varies even in the same area.
YABU,.

BessMarvin · 10/10/2020 13:54

[quote WhatWouldJKRDo]@BessMarvin - we’re coming into cold and flu season, the kids are back at school, it’s been one thing after another around here. Plenty of coughs, temperatures, sore throats.[/quote]
Ok we might have it coming then. I wondered cos I just don't hear of adults having temperatures very often and the post made it sound like it's a frequent occurrence.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 10/10/2020 13:55

See it from a different angle. It sounds like you havent had it severely. The more young, healthy people get it, the better chance of t-cell immunity spreading and helping prevent it reaching the vulnerable.

NandosPeriometer · 10/10/2020 13:55

Personally I think that your decision to babysit a baby in a sling indoors was very strange considering that you're wiping down packages. If you're shielding or very anxious then she might have wanted to not alarm you considering that most tests are negative.

Saying that, I would have contacted you when I booked my test as self isolating requires a lot of practical issues to be sorted like food deliveries etc (I'm assuming that you wouldn't have constantly contacted her for test updates because you were very anxious btw)

I can understand why she might be in denial that her symptoms weren't a cold considering the time of year and it is good that you found out about her positive test from her rather than Test and Trace a few days later.

ChloeCrocodile · 10/10/2020 13:55

I would also like to say that not everyone getting a test thinks they have Covid!

Only 1 in 20 of those getting tested actually have covid.

ConfusedcomMum · 10/10/2020 13:55

This is the first result on a Google search:

The incubation period is the delay between an individual becoming infected and developing symptoms. Current estimates give an average incubation period of 5 days (range 1–11 days). The maximum incubation period is used to define the period required for isolation, currently believed to be 14 days

I remember reading about a bus driver in the States who had a passenger cough all over him and he literally began having symptoms later that evening. The incubation period can vary between different people.

randomer · 10/10/2020 13:57

It takes days to appear. You may have given it to her.

MiddleClassProblem · 10/10/2020 13:58

@BessMarvin at best he saw 5 people’s d should have been distancing. Clearly the problem is they don’t social distance. And either way, until the friend had a positive test, they would not have been required to isolate at which point I’m hoping the husband did. So what are the chances, that two days before OP got sick and a few days later her DH got sick, he had passed it in to friends in those couple of days before the friend’s result came back? I mean this must be around a week after the event, right?
His incubation period is a huge question mark...

time4anothername · 10/10/2020 13:59

yanbu - if someone develops a temp and a cough at the moment as your friend apparently did then it is responsible to inform those you have been in close contact with.

OwlBeThere · 10/10/2020 14:01

@NameChange84...I think you’ve misread or misunderstood somehow, she didn’t develop any symptoms until the day AFTER the OP babysat.

Letsgetgoing123 · 10/10/2020 14:04

@aibuQuestion

I really don't care/blame etc that I got it. Not sure people are actually reading the point here.

If you'd been with a friend at their house, and 24 hours later got 2 of the 3 main covid symptoms (we are all very aware of what those are), would you not think to tell your friend this rather than waiting god knows how long for results?

I've not had any of the main symptoms FWIW so those talking about incubation periods etc, well who knows as I've had wooziness, a bad stomach, and a slightly heavy feeling in my throat and I only started feeling a bit throaty 4 days after this contact.

Yes I would probably tell my friend straight away if I had symptoms, not wait for test results.

But we are still supposed to be distancing if we have friends in our house and that includes children. Unless you’re in a bubble.

ImSleepingBeauty · 10/10/2020 14:05

I’m a bit confused how you are following the guidance, which includes social distancing with members outside your household but are also looking after a mate’s child for a couple of hours with said child strapped to you?
I also don’t understand how you qualified for a test if you didn’t have any of the 3 main symptoms.

Also, given the fact that so many people with one (or more) of the symptoms go on to test negative I don’t think your friend was unreasonable. On the day my DD was tested 220,000 tests were carried out of which 218,000 came back negative.
I’m pretty sure none of those people with symptoms would have proactively gone back over their recent contacts and started to inform them all of the possibility of Covid.

LIZS · 10/10/2020 14:05

Unless you and your family have been otherwise self isolating then you cannot assume you caught it from your friend.

NameChange84 · 10/10/2020 14:09

[quote OwlBeThere]@NameChange84...I think you’ve misread or misunderstood somehow, she didn’t develop any symptoms until the day AFTER the OP babysat.[/quote]
Thanks, you are right. I misread it as “the night of” rather than “the night after”. I’m sorry for any confusion I’ve probably added.

MiddleClassProblem · 10/10/2020 14:11

AIBU to be very angry that I could have prevented infecting my family?

This is the question. OP and others saying that PP are missing the point about friend not telling...

You are all missing the point that the way to prevent it was to have not don’t this in the first place!So you are absolutely unreasonable to be very angry.

Letsgetgoing123 · 10/10/2020 14:11

@ImSleepingBeauty

I’m a bit confused how you are following the guidance, which includes social distancing with members outside your household but are also looking after a mate’s child for a couple of hours with said child strapped to you? I also don’t understand how you qualified for a test if you didn’t have any of the 3 main symptoms.

Also, given the fact that so many people with one (or more) of the symptoms go on to test negative I don’t think your friend was unreasonable. On the day my DD was tested 220,000 tests were carried out of which 218,000 came back negative.
I’m pretty sure none of those people with symptoms would have proactively gone back over their recent contacts and started to inform them all of the possibility of Covid.

@ImSleepingBeauty

I presume she lied about symptoms to get a test....

oblada · 10/10/2020 14:13

You would genuinely stop cuddling your toddler just because a friend has possible symptoms? That's a bit bonkers. I can't imagine my children taking kindly to this at all... and your DH clearly didn't keep the appropriate social distance from his friends so I cannot see how this is your friends fault.
In her shoes I would have similarly told you once I'd received the test results. It seems a bit crazy to warn everyone of mere symptoms.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 10/10/2020 14:14

I think in a perfect world yes of course it would have been good to get a text saying she had developed symptoms but un reality she was unwell , caring for a baby who may also have been unwell , trying to get a test , sorting out logistics to get to the test and made you aware. I think you are being a bit nasty making a thing of this. You actually have no idea who passed it to who. Nor do you have any idea what it was like for her.

She did let you know , I'm sorry you have got it but getting pinickity and blaming people for this is the sort of thing that worries people about societies behaviour over this pandemic. It doesn't sound like there was any ill will or deliberate intentions, more that she was responding to her immediate issues .

Your reaction is a good description of the type of behaviour I've said to people people have long memories how you behave during this will be remembered so be prepared if you want to get blame heavy and nasty that will be remembered. Trying to differentiate between blaming for the virus or the speed of informing makes not a blind bit of difference you are trying to find someone to blame for something. Nice job on choosing your friend with clearly a small baby if they were being worn in a sling. Very classy.

Myalternate · 10/10/2020 14:14

Confused how long ago did this happen because with the timeline it can't have just been last week?

Bumble84 · 10/10/2020 14:18

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be annoyed that she didn’t warn you and tell you she had symptoms. I’d be annoyed as well that she waited for test results. If she’d given you the heads up then you could have been more careful around your own family until results came through.

safariboot · 10/10/2020 14:19

She developed the symptoms after the babysitting. And if you were going in and she was going out, did you even have close contact for over 15 minutes?

Track and trace only start once a positive test is confirmed, right? So you're expecting her to do what's not within government advice and requirements.

Get well soon Flowers

Quaagars · 10/10/2020 14:22

The friend had said her symptoms started the night after I babysat

Probably already been said, but how on earth is it her fault if her symptoms didn't start until the day AFTER you babysat?
She's presumably not psychic Confused

Gwenhwyfar · 10/10/2020 14:24

A friend of mine told me she 'might have it' and was going to get tested. We'd seen each other recently, but outside and 2m away. To be honest, I didn't want to know. It was just extra worry for nothing when her test came back negative.