Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend gave me covid - AIBU about how I feel right now

403 replies

aibuQuestion · 10/10/2020 12:52

Just want to know if I'm overreacting here.

I agreed to babysit a friend's baby for an hour last week so she could run an errand. They came to my house and I kept baby in the sling throughout (baby's happy place apparently).

Three days later I got a call from this friend who had tested positive for covid. The following day I started feeling unwell, a couple of days after that my DC developed a temperature and my DH also started feeling unwell. We got tests and are currently all covid positive.

The friend had said her symptoms started the night after I babysat. So two days before she told me about the test result. I'd seen her DH one of the residential streets here wearing a mask the day after I babysat (so the day of the night her symptoms started) which I remember thinking was odd as literally nobody else was on the road except for me. But maybe a coincidence or he always wears it - as she said symptoms started that night.

If she'd told me when her symptoms had started I would have been way more careful around my DC and DH but as I had no symptoms myself and was unaware of hers, nothing changed. Still cuddling and kissing my two year old, sharing cutlery at dinner, not wiping down handles indoors etc. My DH continued to go to work and saw friends (they all have to self isolate now and one feels unwell). Luckily I knew about the result before going into work that weekend and before seeing my high risk family members. By sheer luck I'd had to cancel a play date the day after I babysat.

AIBU to be very angry that I could have prevented infecting my family?

OP posts:
Bringonspring · 10/10/2020 13:26

Maybe you gave it to her? Perfectly possible

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 10/10/2020 13:27

OH FFS grow up.

You say youve been "so careful"- well not that careful if youre babysitting children that aren't in your bubble.

Your friend isnt telepathic, neither is she mystic meg- she cannot have possibly known that two days later she'd come down with covid. YOU are responsible for your own health and wellbeing and you shouldn't be mixing with others if you are so paranoid and obsessed with your family's health. Grow up and take responsibility for your own actions. You could have just as well caught this at the supermarket buying food. Stop being such a whiny baby.

Nikori · 10/10/2020 13:27

The average time from catching COVID-19 to showing symptoms is 5 days. You can be contagious for a few days before showing symptoms.

whattodooooooo · 10/10/2020 13:28

Did you tell your close contacts you were unwell before being confirmed positive?
I think what your friend did is very standard otherwise there would be panic. As far as I'm aware schools, restaurants etc will only let people know when a positive confirmed not when someone first has a symptom.

WhatWouldJKRDo · 10/10/2020 13:29

YABVU
Why send everyone into needless panic every time someone had a temperature? She got symptoms, she got tested, she told you once she had the accurate information.

You’re looking for a reason to blame her.

Belladonna12 · 10/10/2020 13:29

I would be annoyed too. I wouldn't expect to be told as soon as she had symptoms but when she decided to get tested she must have known there was a chance it could be Covid and she should have let you know. Ultimately , I don't think she is responsible for the fact that your family got infected as that would happen anyway .

GabsAlot · 10/10/2020 13:30

she prob should have told you but maybe didnt want you to panic incase it was nothing

i doubt you could have prevented youre family getting it

NeonGenesis · 10/10/2020 13:30

I do find it a bit odd. If I had just done a covid test I would definitely contact a friend who I had been in close contact with the day before to let them know.

MiddleClassProblem · 10/10/2020 13:30

I still don’t understand. The germs that she had would have been in the house/on you for over 24 hours already anyway that you hadn’t though to clean up.

And I agree, the fact that everyone seems to have got it is quite extreme.

Regardless, you choose to be cuddling a baby. You could have said no to all of this. It sounds like if that’s the source you would have got it regardless. If you need would you have isolated from your family for 2 weeks? I think not.

napody · 10/10/2020 13:30

Maybe she could have mentioned she was taking a test. But she had would your DH have isolated just in case? You know that is a big step beyond current advice? And I think if you have it it's unrealistic to expect your two year old not to be exposed when you live in the same house, whether you knew or not. And in my opinion shutting yourself off from a 2 year old for a fortnight would be so upsetting and confusing, worse for them than catching it! They are unlikely to even have symptoms at that age. You need to let it go. Imagine if everyone in this situation over the winter held a grudge against the people who potentially affected them? You can only control your own behaviour, mingling with others is constantly a calculated risk and you need to take responsibility for taking that risk yourself.

napody · 10/10/2020 13:31

Cross posted with 3 others all saying you all would have been exposed to it anyway :)

Belladonna12 · 10/10/2020 13:32

@aibuQuestion

Just to add I've been so careful throughout the year. We still wipe down shopping deliveries and open post at the door - despite actually having it right now!
Bizarre to be wiping down deliveries but also babysit, have play dates and see people from outside your family indoors. That's not what I'd call careful!
OwlBeThere · 10/10/2020 13:32

Maybe she didn’t think it was because her symptoms were mild so didn’t want to worry you. Maybe she sees that you are ridiculously untrusting of her (you ‘hope’ she didn’t have symptoms before babysitting, doubting her Word because her husband had a mask on) and didn’t want the hassle of this until she was sure.

I think you are massively over reacting.

justasking111 · 10/10/2020 13:32

Frankly anyone who mixes with anyone who steps beyond their front door can catch covid.

unmarkedbythat · 10/10/2020 13:33

Yabu. This is the risk any of us run if we mix with others and we should be realistic about that. I hope you all recover quickly.

BessMarvin · 10/10/2020 13:34

@WhatWouldJKRDo

YABVU Why send everyone into needless panic every time someone had a temperature? She got symptoms, she got tested, she told you once she had the accurate information.

You’re looking for a reason to blame her.

Do people get temperatures a lot? Apart from small children? I don't get this comment.
Aridane · 10/10/2020 13:34

OP wanted her friend to have told her sooner, to try to prevent OP infecting her family.

That’s her AIBU, it’s not about her having babysat.

Exactly!

OP - YANBU

Original poster
aibuQuestion · 10/10/2020 13:35

@whattodooooooo I haven't seen a soul or left the house since I was told she had it. Neither has my family.

OP posts:
Howlooseisyourgoose · 10/10/2020 13:36

YABU, it took me days to figure out I had COVID symptoms.

She didn't necessarily know she had COVID symptoms. It's not like she waited a week, a couple of days is understandable.

Also, you shouldn't be letting be in your home anyway, isn't the rule?

Hope you all get better.

Harehedge · 10/10/2020 13:36

Yes, of course she should have told you.

BessMarvin · 10/10/2020 13:36

Being one of the few people who seems to actually grasp your aibu, I don't think you are being unreasonable. She knew you'd been in close contact with her baby so I think she should have let you know. If I get symptoms that make me test I would tell people I'd been near. OK they'd be family but even so.

StatisticallyChallenged · 10/10/2020 13:38

And I've heard lots of stories where families in the same house have managed to prevent passing on to others.

Infecting family members isn't a done deal, but it doesn't seem to be solely driven by in house precautions. There was some interesting analysis I read recently which showed that a large proportion of people who get covid don't spread it at all, whereas other people seem to pass it to every man and his dog. It's not just about where they go or how many they see but seems to be an unusual element of this that not everybody transmits it equally. And it doesn't align with being asymptomatic either although that's a component as coughing expels the virus more forcefully than just breathing.

Obviously if you have the facilities in your home to totally isolate that's one thing but let's face it not that many people actually do. Realistically there is probably little that you could have done especially when you have a 2 year old - I don't think I could possibly keep far enough away from mine to prevent spread. She'd scream the house down. I wouldn't be too mad at your friend.

BessMarvin · 10/10/2020 13:38

@Howlooseisyourgoose

YABU, it took me days to figure out I had COVID symptoms.

She didn't necessarily know she had COVID symptoms. It's not like she waited a week, a couple of days is understandable.

Also, you shouldn't be letting be in your home anyway, isn't the rule?

Hope you all get better.

She had covid symptoms. That's why she got tested. Whether they were from covid or from another virus or whatever, they are the symptoms of covid.
Original poster
aibuQuestion · 10/10/2020 13:38

I really don't care/blame etc that I got it. Not sure people are actually reading the point here.

If you'd been with a friend at their house, and 24 hours later got 2 of the 3 main covid symptoms (we are all very aware of what those are), would you not think to tell your friend this rather than waiting god knows how long for results?

I've not had any of the main symptoms FWIW so those talking about incubation periods etc, well who knows as I've had wooziness, a bad stomach, and a slightly heavy feeling in my throat and I only started feeling a bit throaty 4 days after this contact.

OP posts:
Chloemol · 10/10/2020 13:39

Yabu