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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend gave me covid - AIBU about how I feel right now

403 replies

aibuQuestion · 10/10/2020 12:52

Just want to know if I'm overreacting here.

I agreed to babysit a friend's baby for an hour last week so she could run an errand. They came to my house and I kept baby in the sling throughout (baby's happy place apparently).

Three days later I got a call from this friend who had tested positive for covid. The following day I started feeling unwell, a couple of days after that my DC developed a temperature and my DH also started feeling unwell. We got tests and are currently all covid positive.

The friend had said her symptoms started the night after I babysat. So two days before she told me about the test result. I'd seen her DH one of the residential streets here wearing a mask the day after I babysat (so the day of the night her symptoms started) which I remember thinking was odd as literally nobody else was on the road except for me. But maybe a coincidence or he always wears it - as she said symptoms started that night.

If she'd told me when her symptoms had started I would have been way more careful around my DC and DH but as I had no symptoms myself and was unaware of hers, nothing changed. Still cuddling and kissing my two year old, sharing cutlery at dinner, not wiping down handles indoors etc. My DH continued to go to work and saw friends (they all have to self isolate now and one feels unwell). Luckily I knew about the result before going into work that weekend and before seeing my high risk family members. By sheer luck I'd had to cancel a play date the day after I babysat.

AIBU to be very angry that I could have prevented infecting my family?

OP posts:
foxyroxyyy · 13/10/2020 03:24

Have seen this thread on my Apple news app. Honey? They said it was a Reddit thread.... anyway I saw this when it was first posted so figured they have their facts wrong.

StamfordHill · 13/10/2020 05:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Original poster
aibuQuestion · 13/10/2020 06:55

Wow ... there are truly some nasty people in this world.

OP posts:
Neilyweily · 13/10/2020 07:42

No just a few deluded ones and lots of honest realists

bemusedmoose · 13/10/2020 08:20

just because she has it and now you have got it - doesnt mean that it was her who gave it to you! It's clearly in your area so you really could have picked it up anywhere.

Also - you agreed to babysit and there was always going to be a risk during a pandemic and by agreeing to babysit you accepted that risk. Your friend didnt know she was ill so it's not as if she knowingly infected anyone. I think being upset with her is way out of line, especially as you have no idea it was her that infected you (which i doubt it was - my daughter caught it in feb from school, i didnt go down with it until march - we share everything and i help at her school so i doubt you would come out in symptoms that fast if you got it from her).

BabyLlamaZen · 13/10/2020 08:23

Sorry op, this is why everyone needs to be distancing and not assume they're OK ans their friends are ok, even for one offs. I feel for you though.

Ineke · 13/10/2020 08:42

This is the nub of the virus and why it is so difficult to control. The only way to be as sure as possible of not getting it is to reduce contact with all other people not in your household. If you are looking after someone else's baby you are taking a risk. Either one of you could have passed it on to each other. I hope that your family are feeling ok. There are some positives to knowing that your whole family have weathered it. Take care.

queenbee72 · 13/10/2020 14:22

OMG this is the most frustrating thread ever!!

If you want to comment please re-read the OP

OP is asking if she’s being unreasonable expecting her friend to message her when her symptoms STARTED (bearing in mind she’d been in close contact with her baby) and not waited an extra 2DAYS when she got the results.

OP could have self isolated from her family and possibly reduced the chances of them getting it. Worse still, she could have met with vulnerable family in the interim and passed it on (she didn’t as luck would have it).

So no you are not BU by being annoyed but hopefully you’ll get over it.

Cadent · 13/10/2020 14:24

@queenbee72 most people have perfectly understood what OP is asking but still think she was BU to be fair

2 days of symptoms is nothing, I was so busy with work I didn’t take note of my CV symptoms for 3-4 days.

queenbee72 · 13/10/2020 14:26

[quote Cadent]@queenbee72 most people have perfectly understood what OP is asking but still think she was BU to be fair

2 days of symptoms is nothing, I was so busy with work I didn’t take note of my CV symptoms for 3-4 days.[/quote]
Very community minded of you.

Feminist10101 · 13/10/2020 22:22

@queenbee72

OMG this is the most frustrating thread ever!!

If you want to comment please re-read the OP

OP is asking if she’s being unreasonable expecting her friend to message her when her symptoms STARTED (bearing in mind she’d been in close contact with her baby) and not waited an extra 2DAYS when she got the results.

OP could have self isolated from her family and possibly reduced the chances of them getting it. Worse still, she could have met with vulnerable family in the interim and passed it on (she didn’t as luck would have it).

So no you are not BU by being annoyed but hopefully you’ll get over it.

She was clearly in close contact with more than the baby.
queenbee72 · 14/10/2020 09:54

She isn’t disputing that. She recognises she put herself at risk. She’s not blaming her friend for passing on COVID. She’s arguing that she should have been told when the symptoms started due to their close contact.

If I’d started feeling unwell and my children and/or me had been in close contact with someone I’d have messaged them to let them know. Then the ball is in their court over whether they wait for a test and self isolate or just wait to see if it is. That’s the responsible thing to do and anyone saying otherwise are just selfish.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 14/10/2020 11:51

I'm shielding as much as possible with a child at secondary school. I've now stopped all contact with a friend who continues to ignore the rules and mocks my attempts to minimise the risks I'm exposed to. I can't trust her to be careful. Her view is very fatalistic and involves no effort on her part. She has one disposable mask that she wears under her nose.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 14/10/2020 11:52

Sorry, wrong thread.

Noitjustwontdo · 14/10/2020 11:58

Mixing with anyone right now is a risk. When you go see a friend even just for a walk around a park you are taking a risk. If you go to the shop even with a mask and sanitiser, you’re still taking a risk. Many people are asymptomatic so they carry it around with no idea they have it whatsoever. Somebody I know’s workplace was shut down because random testing found a 65 year old colleague was positive, he never had any symptoms (despite being older and more at risk).

Your friend didn’t willingly give you covid ffs, she had no idea she had it. You’re being a teensy bit ridiculous.

BigChocFrenzy · 14/10/2020 12:16

She should have told you as soon as she decided to get a test,
but not before

You took a risk to do a favour, which is a vastly higher risk than from the shopping you keep wiping

nervousFTM · 15/10/2020 09:18

Hmm re the timeline questioning posts - some claiming the OP gave her friend the virus. So the friend developed symptoms within 24 hours then?

Get well OP.

Elaine1985 · 15/10/2020 21:17

The time from exposure to symptom onset (known as the incubation period) is thought to be three to 14 days

ReuT3 · 18/10/2020 06:46

In these times its hard to believe that the nearest to is could make us feel so bad that we can't deny them support even though they haven't said anything to make you feel bad.
You must count the risks before you say yes to friends and delicately decline no matter how confident they are I'm their own health. People can fool themselves just to have a normal life.
Yabu but this is trying times. Don't be hard on yourself either. Hope you get through this virus on the better side and can enjoy life when the worst of it has passed.

BananaFlavouredPancakes · 18/10/2020 07:43

In response to your ACTUAL AIBU question...YANBU. At the point she was concerned enough to get herself tested, she should have let you know. I suppose she may have felt embarrassed or just not fully convinced it was covid so didn't want to say until she knew for definite but it's that mindset which is helping it to spread!!

Other commenters who are ignoring the question and taking the opportunity to hammer OP for her mistakes (which she has already accepted) YABU!!

Jeremyironseverything · 18/10/2020 08:10

There is a severe lack of comprehension in this post.

Op yanbu.
And for those hard of comprehension, she isn't upset at her friend for giving her covid. She just wishes she'd given her the heads up as soon as she had symptoms ie. The day after she babysat.

Chailatteplease · 19/10/2020 19:59

OP IS NOT ANGRY WITH HER FRIEND FOR GIVING HER THE VIRUS!!!

Most of you just want to have a go. At no point has she expressed anger at having caught the virus, it’s about her friend not letting her know when she started with symptoms, so OP could have minimised the spread across her household!

YANBU OP, I would expect my friend to let me know too, not wait for the results.

MrsAmaretto · 23/10/2020 21:15

Yabu. You took the risk by babysitting and wearing a baby carrier used by your friend. Would you have worn her used face mask??

You probably caught covid from the surface of the baby carrier.

MrsAmaretto · 23/10/2020 21:16

Posted to soon! Symptoms are so vague that she was perfectly reasonable to wait until she was positive to tell you.

Defenbaker · 25/10/2020 13:41

OP - you could request a title change - "AIBU to be annoyed that my friend didn't inform me sooner that she had Covid?"

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